The Other Half of My Soul (PG)

By : Mcily Nochi

Archived on: Monday, February 18, 2002

Summary:
Tahiri's thoughts after the events of Star By Star.

My soul. The other half of my soul is gone. He was ripped from me as surely as if my own heart was ripped out of my chest. My soul is tortured and crying.

They took his life away - I can't feel him - he's gone. Gone! No, he can't be! He is my life, my love, my ... my ... my Anakin.

There is still a space for him here in my heart. Why won't it fill up, why leave an ugly, empty void to remind me hour after hour of what used to be there? How could he go and leave me with this pain?

He should have gone into a trance! He should have! I would die protecting him while he healed, as he died so I could get away. It is unfair, stupid! Stupid Anakin! You idiot! You could have survived, if only you had swallowed your pride and let yourself heal like we told you. You always have to be the hero, saving others, sacrificing yourself. Fool! You did not save me! You left me here to die, alone in the dark, with a gaping hole in my heart.

The Yuuzhan Vong will pay for this. The Vong, the Vong! Forget what they believe - no one is blessed who would take my angel away from me. My Anakin.

Why didn't I kiss him good-bye? Maybe he could have withstood the inevitable, the creeping cold of death, if he had the memory of my lips against his to warm him. I should have kissed him good-bye. Now I'll never get the chance.

Oh, stop the pain! I am ripped open, I can't think or feel! I can't cry. I should be crying for him, crying my heart out, but I can't. I can't! Did the Vong do something to my eyes to stop the flood of tears that my heart wants to pour out? Curse them, I must cry for Anakin, let my grief flow away on a tide of tears.

What am I saying? I will never let go of my pain! It is all I have left of Anakin. He's gone. He's gone. Maybe if I say it enough my heart will realize the truth and seal itself back up. He's gone, he's gone!

Where is he when I need him? His love would fill up this void, this emptiness, in less than a second. How could he leave me? How could I leave him? Why did he have to die? Why, why, why?!

If you wanted to be a hero, Anakin, you should have stayed alive. You killed me when you left, I am dying without you. I will never, ever heal. Never! I won't let myself! This pain is all I have left! Your absence is the only remnant of your presence in my life.

I love you! How could you leave? You left, you sank back into the Force, the sleep of death.

Wake up, Anakin! Wake up, my love! It's time to go home now, we can leave this nightmare. But you are already home. You left, and you forgot to take me with you.

Let me kiss you one more time, Anakin. You memory smiles at me, but you are gone. Gone. Gone. I'm sorry, Anakin. I didn't kiss you when I had the chance. And now you are gone, and you'll never be able to claim the kiss you deserved.

Let me cry, let me scream, let me die. You can't hear me anyway. Nothing will bring you back.

The other half of my soul is gone. My soul.

I love you.




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