Confessions (PG)

By : JadeSaber

Archived on: Monday, November 4, 2002

A look at Padme's thoughts, just before she lays it all on the line and confesses her feelings to Anakin.

I've been trying to deny my feelings for you since the day I saw you again for the first time. I know I must have sounded silly saying, "My goodness, you've grown." What else would have happened in ten years? I was so flustered that I couldn't think of anything else to say.

Your presence affects me like no man's ever has before...

... like no other man's ever will.

There's something about you that speaks to my soul, and when I look into your eyes, I feel like I'm home. You've captured my heart and there's nothing I can do about it. I feel like I'm not in control of myself, and that terrifies me.

This is wrong...

I keep telling myself that it's wrong; that I shouldn't feel anything for you but friendship, and I keep trying to deny my feelings, but the more I deny them, the stronger they grow.

How can something that feels so right and so natural be wrong? For anyone else, in any other situation, the answer would be "it isn't."

But for us, it is.

Our lives belong to other people. We both made vows that we have to keep- I to Naboo and you to the Jedi. I can't break my vow, and I can't ask you to break yours.

I can't...

And yet, in spite of those vows, I've felt myself falling in love with you more and more every day, and my love for you is tearing me apart.

The kiss you gave me that afternoon beside the lake still burns in my memory. If I close my eyes I can relive it; it all comes racing back to me in an instant: the delicious shiver that coursed through me as your fingertips grazed my skin, the way the sound of your voice in my ear made my heart race, the feel of your lips gliding tenderly across mine, the scent of your sun-warmed skin, and the heat of your breath whispering across my cheek...

Breaking that kiss nearly broke my heart.

This is wrong...

The more I try to deny my feelings for you, the stronger they become. Turning you away that night by the fire was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I wanted nothing more than to throw my arms around you and lose myself in your embrace. My heart screamed for me to agree to the secret life you suggested, even knowing that it wouldn't be right.

We'd be living a lie.

Hiding in the shadows.

Sneaking around after dark.

I want more than secret trysts and stolen moments. I want to be able to declare my love for you out in the open- shout it from the highest rooftop on Coruscant.

So instead of following my heart and confessing my love, I listened to my head, and I turned you away.

I keep trying to convince myself that our relationship is wrong, that I shouldn't have these feelings for you. That I can't fall in love with you...

I can't...

And yet, everything is different now. As I stand here waiting for death, I find that I'm not afraid of my feelings anymore. I'm not afraid of what anyone will say or think, and I don't care about the vows we made.

None of that is important now.

The only thing that matters anymore is that I love you; and I don't want either of us to die before I tell you how much.

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