I am broken,
frag
ment
ed
pieces
slipping through my fingers
spiraling into an abyss,
into a world without
reason,
without sanity -
falling,
dropping,
diving,
passing sense
and honor
and right
and wrong -
where is my brain?
is that it
lying on the table?
the surgeon's blade approaches-
sharp -
quick reconstruction -
merciless -
jab,
cut,
and something is
gone
the world burns in my eyes
a holodrama in faded hues -
I see myself . . .
and yet I don't . . .
that can't be my body
scarred
shattered
battered
I was young
did he steal that too?
was he the one
who unraveled the seams
binding mind to soul?
a pity, really
destroying his own handiwork
another stab
keener, deeper
they extract my morals
slowly
snipping loose wires
then searching
for something
anything
to fill their place
lust perhaps?
no, too fickle -
never content with the present,
always looking for improvements -
power?
yes,
power is solid enough
hard enough -
just one push and it's in
cemented
stuck
all gaps filled - except one
a tiny hole, really
it'll never do harm
unless -
unless -
oh Mama, it hurts
I can't handle the pain
stop them
please, Mama, make them leave
Mama?
where have you gone?
I need you
I want you
close beside me
comforting, calming
please chase these monsters away
I don't understand why they're here
such agony
save me, protect me
oh, please -
the knife strikes again
probing for weakness - what more needs to go?
ah - compassion -
sympathy for others is
useless
a waste of energy
I feel a twinge, but only that
fast procedure -
drop it in the garbage before I begin to miss
those feelings
those feelings
so sweet -
life was so much brighter
when others cared
happier too, perhaps
in those days
false
all false
it can't be so
they hated me all along
jealousy
envy drove them to desperation
and they attacked me,
stole my gifts
yes, they tried to murder -
oh Mama, it hurts
I can't handle the pain
stop them
please, Mama, make them leave
Mama?
where have you gone?
I need you
I want you
close beside me
comforting, calming
please chase these monsters away -
something new arrives
control, the label reads
it will fit
so load it in
cram it amidst soft tissue
hardwire it to power's demands
but something else must go -
they poke
study
and find
justice
justice!
what garbage -
victims die, murderers go free
the truth lies
deception wins -
they tug it out,
cause groans of pain
but I don't care -
then it's gone
vanished
tossed into the darkness of the night
to search for another -
a new owner -
while strength takes its place
strength that will never falter,
never fail,
protection against emotions-
brute, fierce, invincible -
oh Mama, it hurts
I can't handle the pain
stop them
please, Mama, make them leave
Mama?
where have you gone?
I need you -
something remains
blocking perfection
ethereal,
weightless
floating past all attacks -
love
love so swift,
folding itself into tiny crevices
hidden from vicious scalpels
so box it in
wall it up between hatred and anger
a mighty containment center
yet not as great as I hoped
cracks remain
leaks
tiny openings for possible escapes -
but it doesn't move
still
motionless
is that resignation in its inactivity?
it is controlled,
bound by vehement force
raw, unrestrained
more power than I can wield -
oh yes, Mama
come save me now
you never answered -
selfish
fragile
misled
you thought you followed the truth
poor fool
I helped myself
self-surgery
a reconstruction of broken dreams
and here I stand -
terrifying -
terrible -
who needs you
and your circle of error?
I've found true might,
the true Force -
darkness -
on my own.
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