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Gungan to the left

Reader Comments on "Dissonant Echoes of a Fragmented Mind"

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Author: Tycalibur  (signed)
Date posted: 5/18/2004 12:09:08 AM
Tycalibur's Comments:

Another great story, LP. I didn't even know this one was in the works, which made it an even more pleasant surprise, congratulations on getting it Archived. I stayed up till 3:00 a.m. reading it!

Very thought-provoking story, as always. Vader should have known better. A very unexpected ending too, the suspense kept killing me all the way through it.

Oh, sorry for stealing the first post yet again. :P

TF.N Fan Fiction Writer and Reviewer

Author: Umich Jedi
Date posted: 5/18/2004 1:57:44 AM
Umich Jedi's Comments:

i opened this at work and thought it to be to long to read here but, remembering some of your other works in the past, I started reading. Once again, I'm amazed at your work!!! One of my biggest ques. about Ep.III is what happens to the relationship between Padme and Anakin. I love these two characters and love to see stories about their conflicts dealing with Anakin's ultimate decision to turn and abandon the woman we all know he loves more that anything. This is simply a great FanFic and one I really enjoyed-thanks Lady Padme-you did it again!
Umich Jedi

Author: Lady Jade
Date posted: 5/18/2004 2:00:56 PM
Lady Jade's Comments:

Wow! This was a really great story. The inside look that you give of Padme's mind is amazing. I've read your other work and loved it, and now I can add this piece to the list. It was fantastic!
~Lady Jade

Author: Odan Ando
Date posted: 5/18/2004 2:42:47 PM
Odan Ando's Comments:

This story is a very interesting one! i would love to see that as a movie between Episode 3 and The New Hope.
Shows how Vader thinks and realises in some ways that there is love in him.

Author: Lady Padme  (signed)
Date posted: 5/18/2004 6:25:10 PM
Lady Padme's Comments:

Thanks to everyone for your kind comments. I'd also like to thank my wonderful beta readers and cover artists Gabri_Jade and obaona. * waves and hugs *

Author: Gabri_Jade  (signed)
Date posted: 5/19/2004 3:03:50 AM
Gabri_Jade's Comments:

You know how much I love this one, LP. This is one of the most beautifully haunting stories I've ever had the pleasure to read. It's wonderful to see it here. Congratualations! *hugs*

Author: queenie
Date posted: 5/21/2004 7:32:52 PM
queenie's Comments:

wow, that was awesome. it was sooo sad, though. a bittersweet angsty ending, to be sure.

Author: Chelsea
Date posted: 5/21/2004 9:39:53 PM
Chelsea's Comments:

I'll just say two words: keep writing!

Author: bobilll
Date posted: 5/22/2004 11:01:25 AM
bobilll's Comments:

Wow, that was really good! You really held my attention in this fic, very very cool!

Author: Marshall Mathers
Date posted: 5/26/2004 2:31:29 PM
Marshall Mathers's Comments:

If I had some 8ft. man fowlling me around at night I would set him on fire,if Padme did that she wouldn't have to deal with him

Author: Daxel
Date posted: 5/28/2004 3:05:09 PM
Daxel's Comments:

That was a great story made me sad.. it does clear up quite a few answers though, once again great story

Author: SpiritJedi
Date posted: 5/30/2004 12:53:12 PM
SpiritJedi's Comments:

Sorry to say, but this story was not very good. Not so much from the concept, but the execution.

For one, fiction is told past tense. He said, not he says. There is no reason to break that basic rule with this text.

For two, this story is sterile. Every single thing is spelled out. He walks, he sits, he opens the door. There is too much showing and not enough telling. We see too much of the story through simple description instead of feeling it.

For three, there are too many prurient elements. Vader strips Padme naked and stands there watching. The reason she has to be naked? None. It doesn't fit in with Star Wars, but I presume that it has always been a fantasy of the author, so it was included.

EDIT: That last bit goes well beyond a borderline flame. Consider yourself warned.

For four, the story is about twice as long as it should be. We go over the same ground time and time again. The inside Padme and the outside Padme. This could be greatly condensed.

In short - interesting idea, and with much better writing techniques, could be a very good fan fiction story.

I'm sure some here will feel compelled to flame me, but the author posted this story to get constructive criticism so he could improve, not just hear "it was great, it was great" without any substantive reasoning. That's what I'm doing here.

Author: Lady Padme  (signed)
Date posted: 5/30/2004 4:01:19 PM
Lady Padme's Comments:

To SpiritJedi,

I’m sorry to see that you did not enjoy the story.

However, there are a few points of your critique that I felt deserved to be addressed:

1) Tense – For this particular story, I wanted to convey a sense of immediacy and surrealism that I found difficult to write in any style other than the one I used. Although present tense is not a commonly used tense, and may not be an easy tense to read, there is no rule anywhere that states that present tense cannot be used in fiction. If you can find any literary guide or style guide that states this, I would ask that you provide the reference, as I would be very interested to read it. Throughout literature you will find all types of styles of tense, person, even stream of consciousness used to convey a feeling, or a point of view to the reader. Perhaps you did not enjoy this particular tense in reading, however, if you cannot embrace any style of writing other than past tense it is your loss as many wonderful works are found outside the narrow purview of past tense.

2) Inside Padme vs. Outside Padme – the fact that you only saw the dual points of view as being too long makes me think that you’ve missed the point of the story. If you will recall, the title is “Dissonant Echoes of a Fragmented Mind”. The “fragmented mind” in question being Padme’s. The whole point was to show that she had suffered pain and torment to such a degree that she needed to separate her mind and thoughts into separate compartments to protect herself from further pain. I wanted to show how the ‘catatonic’ and the underlying ‘aware’ personae coexisted within the same person. Also, the fact that I showed two Padmes was also a device to allow me to give the background of the story and to show how Padme had arrived at her current state. Of course, the story could have been written this way: “Padme’s marriage had fallen apart. She could no longer trust her husband. In order to safeguard her children, she fled him and hid her children. However, the Emperor discovered that she had children and tortured her to find out where they were hidden. This torture resulted in Padme’s insanity, and she was sold into slavery. Several months later, Vader found her, and tried to find out what happened to her. All his attempts were futile until he lead her into the presence of his master, at which point, Padme regained her sanity, and as a last act of protection for her children, committed suicide.” That certainly would have told the story in a succinct way, but I fear most of the feeling and imagery I wanted to convey would have been lost in such a telling.

3) Showing vs. Telling – most of the description given was given purely to allow the reader to ‘see’ the setting as I was seeing it in my mind when I wrote the story. Because the story was presented essentially as a mystery (for Vader, at least) I wanted to give detail to the reader to let him or her decide, based on the circumstances, surroundings and actions portrayed, what they thought was actually going on. The fact that you thought I wrote too much is actually amusing, since I’m more commonly accused of not describing enough.

4) Padme’s nakedness – this was only mentioned in a couple of short sentences, and was only included into the story to convey more of Vader’s character. For the purposes of the story, I believed that he had long fallen from the subtlety and patience the Jedi tried to teach him, and now used only brutal methods to find out what he wanted. Stripping someone naked would be the least of the tortures that he could inflict on someone, but it would be a quick way for him to see if he recognized her. There was no prurient description of Padme’s body, and it was not included for such a reason.

5) Lastly, your comment: “The reason she has to be naked? None. It doesn't fit in with Star Wars, but I presume that it has always been a fantasy of the author, so it was included.” – While the rest of what you’ve written is literary criticism and certainly your perogative to write, this last bit I considered to be an insulting flame that was rude and had absolutely no place or merit within an literary criticism. Whatever you think of a piece of writing, insults to the author are completely uncalled for.

Author: Hazard
Date posted: 5/30/2004 5:57:14 PM
Hazard's Comments:

Okay, I liked this story. Vader, the emperor, Padme' and even the side characters were all written well. The story was a little long with the numerous flashbacks, but the dual Padme' thoughts were well done. I also liked Vader's pseudo-diplomatic missions. The naked thing wasn't somehting Vader wouldn't do so much as something Lucas wouldn't do. It's not really Star Wars without that oh-so-delicious Lucas flavoring. The only real problem I see is the same one many Padme' story author have and that is not entirely capturing her character. Thepart where she says, "You've changed. You frighten me. I cannot trust you" is a little inarticulate for me. I think she'd be a little less juvenile, though I know the author will see it differently. And the whole suicide (or set up for death under torture, whatever you want to call it) is way off base. I was rivetted until she picked that up. No way would she ever kill herself...ever. But good story otherwise.
Look forward to more.

Author: SpiritJedi
Date posted: 5/31/2004 8:21:23 PM
SpiritJedi's Comments:

EDIT: This back and forth is pointless. You've made your criticisms. Just because the author doesn't agree with your assessment is not an invitation to further deride the story and the person who wrote it.

- Herman

Author: Hazard
Date posted: 6/1/2004 5:29:18 AM
Hazard's Comments:

I know someone will get mad at me for asking this
but whats wrong with different people having the same opinions. I only see people getting upset about redundant comments when they are neagtive. When twenty people in a row say "great story, i loved it, you have real insight" no one objects. I don't see a difference.

Author: Lady Padme  (signed)
Date posted: 6/1/2004 6:22:11 AM
Lady Padme's Comments:

To Hazard,

First, let me thank you for reading the story.

Secondly, I don't want to turn this Comments section into a debating club, so I'd like to ask anyone else who wishes to comment on this issue of criticism and negative comments to send an e-mail to me directly or PM me at the JC under LadyPadme (one word). Comments directly pertaining to the story are, of course welcomed in this forum.

However, to address your question: criticism or negative comments are not the problem. If twenty people in a row said, "I really don't like the way you wrote Padme" or "I don't think Padme would have killed herself" that would be fine, as everyone can have his or her own opinion of how Padme would have behaved in a given situation, and I would respect that. But in this case it was the same person who kept repeating what he didn't like about the story and flaming, as well. First of all, I feel the author should be allowed to defend him/herself. And secondly, I don't feel negative comments directed personally toward the author are warranted, as this should be purely a literary critique.

Author: Xenodave
Date posted: 6/1/2004 10:38:21 AM
Xenodave's Comments:

I haven't read starwars fan fiction in years- I wouldn't have read this piece if I hadn't seen it featured on the front page of, but I'm very glad I found it. This is a beautiful work, one of the best I ever read. All of the components I enjoy in fan fiction are there- interesting characters, interesting situations, off camera events that fit in with the on camera story, and it seemed to fit into the Star Wars universe. On top of all this, the story was even touching. Way to go, author. I'd like to see more of your work sometimes.


Author: SpiritJedi
Date posted: 6/1/2004 3:13:14 PM
SpiritJedi's Comments:

EDIT: If you want to argue with me, do so by e-mail. You can reach me at Herman@TheForce.Net

Author: froggy
Date posted: 6/1/2004 11:00:45 PM
froggy's Comments:

hey i reckon this was a pretty good story.

the tense was a bit hard to read. wouldve preferred it if it was in past tense, but present is still ok =)

about the "showing and telling" thing - it depends on what effect the author wants to have on the reader (?) like, showing really allows people to think for themselves and use their imagination and their perceptions of the characters to build how the character does something. whereas, telling is a really strong way of showing readers what you (the author) think and see the characters as doing?

sorry if i dont make sense ><

Author: kayladie
Date posted: 6/3/2004 10:16:39 PM
kayladie's Comments:

Hey LP, you and VaderLVR64 are really starting to turn me into an A/P fan! I found this story extremely compelling. The present tense was kind of hard to read at first, but once I adjusted to it, I think it did add to the sense of immediacy of the story. Anyway, I imagine it was much more difficult for you to write it that way than it was for us to read it.

I can see Padme comitting suicide if she thought it was the only way to save her children. She knew that Palpatine was NOT going to let her get away from him again and this time he was not going to stop until he found out what he wanted to know. I would liken this to a mother pushing her child out of the way of a speeding car before she can move herself. Padme gave her children away to protect them. That shows an extreme love for them and I can see her being willing to die to continue to protect them.

The only thing I didn't like is that I want to know what happened next! Did Vader kill Palpatine? Did he take over as Ruler of the Galaxy if he did? Did he find Luke and Leia? Oh, I know you intended to leave us wondering, but oh, how cruel! ;)

Author: Umich Jedi
Date posted: 6/4/2004 1:51:53 AM
Umich Jedi's Comments:

Come on guys this is FAN FICTION...these stories are for entertainment they are NOT going to be put on film so stop whining. If LadyPadme wants things in a certain tense and you don't like it...too bad-she's the author. If she wants Padme naked-just live with it. Lucas is only giving us 6 movies...these writers like LadyPadme are giving us "what-if stories" outside of the 6 episodes, so fans have some entertainment and something to ponder before and even after Episode 3. Keep up the great work LadyPadme-I loved it-evenb with the tense and the nakedness woo hoo

Author: LLL  (signed)
Date posted: 6/17/2004 11:15:39 PM
LLL's Comments:

Intriguing idea -- and I thought an original idea, too, big plus! And compellingly written. The only reason I give this a 9 instead of a 10 is the ending, which I think is a bit too much dissonance between Vader and Palpatine. It challenges one to think how these two could have gone on to rule the galaxy together for almost two more decades after nearly clawing each other to death over Padme Amidala. For two beings so nearly equal in power and ability, they would have had to get along in order to stay in power that long.

Author: Nade_Naberrie  (signed)
Date posted: 6/24/2004 4:18:56 PM
Nade_Naberrie's Comments:

Oh LP, yet again you have me in tears! I must admit, I've always been against the theory that Padme kills herself, but this story... *struggles for words* Wow. Just wow. I thought everything was picture perfect, from the characterizations and the flashbacks and the title right on down to the tense! Ignore flamers. They're not worth your time or energy. Too many people love and idolize your work. I'm on my knees begging you ... Please write more!

Author: angel of iego
Date posted: 6/24/2004 9:00:43 PM
angel of iego's Comments:

It was very interesting i don't think that padme would have killed herself + vader's charcter wasn't evil enough. although i couldn't stop reading it it wasn't what i'd call a Good fan fic.

Author: durhelediel
Date posted: 7/6/2004 10:13:53 PM
durhelediel's Comments:

Oh my GOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDD!! Wow this was SO GOOD! I simply could NOT stop reading it! I didn't even want to blink! My eyes are so dry! lol Aside from the improper usage of tenses sometimes, it was excellent, excellent! I will search for more of your stories to read. Very excellent work!

Author: VaderLVR64  (signed)
Date posted: 11/2/2004 7:00:05 PM
VaderLVR64's Comments:

I found this to be a haunting and touching story. I printed it up and and have enjoyed reading it several times! I think you really captured Vader's character. I didn't think it was too long or too short, it was just as it needed to be. Lovely, lovely work!

Author: Akiko Nagi
Date posted: 12/19/2004 12:46:45 PM
Akiko Nagi's Comments:

Hey! This was very good. I really enjoyed it and nearly cried at parts. Thanks for writing!!

Author: Lelila Rose
Date posted: 5/3/2005 8:59:37 AM
Lelila Rose's Comments:

Wonderfully moving - I really liked the way you did the tense. I wouldn't normally read such a long fanfic, but I couldn't leave this one alone. I love the way you portray Vader in this, with his intrigue over Padme. Brilliant!

Author: Mindlessisis
Date posted: 5/26/2005 3:42:36 PM
Mindlessisis's Comments:

Would have loved this story to be longer, just because the anticipation was exquisite. Was she, wasn't she, how, would he, wouldn't he...
I liked the immediacy of it (the present tense in particular). I myself like reading a story with lots of color, but that's more of a preference thing than criticism. Characters weren't too out of whack or anything, pacing was good, anakin's struggle with himself and with Padme was cool. I guess some parts could be a little more concise but overall nice.

Author: Dante
Date posted: 5/27/2005 3:07:09 AM
Dante's Comments:

Brilliantly done, your take on the inside of Padme’s head is wonderful. I kept wanting her to come to, she seemed so desperate to both escape her memories and free herself from her own head - so much tension! It really made me want to see the story unfold and everything turn out alright.
Vader’s almost naivety was kinda sweet, he knows he cant have her unless he becomes Anakin once again, but he’s willing to try and sway her as Vader. Awww…..True Love. :)
So Well Done! Very realistic and nicely executed right up to the end. This kept me guessing, and wanting resolution. It occupied me in the realism (and horror, almost) of Padme’s mind.
Keep writing, :)

Author: Emily
Date posted: 6/26/2005 3:01:59 AM
Emily's Comments:

Holy Crap that was so good, so emotinal you made me cry, 1 word only= WOW

Author: MixGrlSakura_chan
Date posted: 10/18/2005 8:10:19 PM
MixGrlSakura_chan's Comments:

I really liked it. It was a good fanfiction....sad ending but good fanfiction non the less. Write again!!!!


Author: QueenNaberrie
Date posted: 12/17/2006 5:40:17 PM
QueenNaberrie's Comments:

WOW! What a tragic ending. Sort of a Romeo and Juliet type of ending. Anakin finally returns, to save Padme, only to have her die by her own hand when she thinks she's lost it all.

How sad. :,(

Author: Skyflier :P
Date posted: 4/3/2007 6:18:05 PM
Skyflier :P's Comments:

I think this is an amazing story. SO tragic, and beautiful... besides, the naked thing was perfectly reasonable. I mean, Vader/Anakin whatever you want to call him, has been lving with Padme for years, so the naked thnig was jsut to see if he recognized her. If the author wanted it to be raunchy, she wouldn't have made it so short. It's basically up to her about the story, and personally, I think it was a great sucess. Keep up the good work! PS Nice cover art!

Author: iri_ami
Date posted: 5/31/2007 1:59:59 PM
iri_ami's Comments:

I thought she was gonna stab Palpatine with the truth serum. I hoped for a semi-happy ending. But the story was good nonetheless.

Author: Max
Date posted: 7/25/2008 10:46:19 AM
Max's Comments:

It's so sad :,(
Congrats on your great work that allow such emotion. I'm amazed at your intricate plotting and brilliant writing.
Thank you for this great story.

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