Date posted: 9/23/2004 8:16:32 PM
Very well done. It read like a novelist's work.
A few minor problems with it stuck out--though the overall, and most parts, were brilliant. Some friendly criticism from a fellow author:
At the end, Hank is killed by Ragnor--this is physically PAINFUL! I cannot count the number of times that the traitor expects his reward then gets killed by the 'bad guy'.
I found your double extreme of Nowlan--first being disrespectful, almost to the point of contempt, then being respectful and 'proud to serve under you'. Maybe still having him resent her (Maybe as an Imperial he doesn't like serving under a woman? Or finds the lack of order in her squad distasteful?) but gaining grudgeing respect for her through the story.
Furthurmore, unless he REALLY held her in contempt, he would restrict his flack for her to tone of voice, in combat at least. He is a soldier, and discord in combat makes you dead.
Ragnor's overall character development was excellent...but I dislike the misuse of his force in the end battle. You paint him as a good officer...yet his plan for the ambush was rather lacking.
Anyhow, excellent work. It's definately better and more cohesive than anything I've put out. I give it a 10.
Date posted: 10/31/2004 4:14:47 PM
I've been meaning to say congrats on getting this archived, Jason. It's great to have another OC story here, and I hope more people will read this.
Author: Darth Skuldren
Date posted: 4/19/2007 7:03:17 PM
Darth Skuldren's Comments:
Another great story by jmann. I highly recommend this author to anyone who reads Star Wars Fan Fiction. Of all the Star Wars Fan Fiction I have read, I must say his our among the best. All of them are of top quality and superb reads. He blends interesting characters with rich stories that are always entertaining.