Date posted: 1/13/2003 9:08:48 PM
I'd like to thank my beta-readers, including Jenos (KatarnLead), Bant Eerin, Andrew Haley, Sarah Brown, Raven LeCarre and Amy Ryan. I think that's everyone. ;) Also thanks to my readers on the boards - I wouldn't have finished this without you. :)
To negative comments which I am sure will result: It's an AU, I took a concept and played with it, ignored canon mostly, and I had a ton of fun. :) 'Nuff said. :)
Date posted: 1/13/2003 10:05:10 PM
*huggies*, oba! *8 huggies* for that matter! :D I'm so happy to see it here, and it's not entirely a result of my Frosted Flakes, either! The story is wonderful - but you knew that. Thought-provoking, yes. And, perhaps, it may stir a bit of disagreement, but the best stories are thought-provoking, in my opinion. ;)
Wonderfully written throughout, oba, and, yet again, I am in awe of both your talents and your attention span. Dela is deliciously realistic, and Obi's predicament - I think - is equally so, just a smidgen off from what actually happened in our beloved GFFA. I love Dela, her characterization and her alcoholism - but you know that. I've told you that often enough, at any rate. :)
And because I can't resist, JOY, FISH, and HAPPINESS to all ye who read oba's marvelous story! :D Sand to any who don't like it, :p. You can't deny that it's good. ;)
Date posted: 1/14/2003 4:30:19 AM
This story was really good, I liked the turn when Dela and Obi-Wan learn to love each other. :D A really good story, and by the way, you are a really good author!!
So long, and thanks for all the fish!! *waves goodbye*
Author: Siri Ruane
Date posted: 1/14/2003 7:58:43 AM
Siri Ruane's Comments:
Obi-Wan is a Jedi. I don't think the story siuts his personality. But then again, I am more of a tomboy, and hate romances.
Well written though.
Date posted: 1/14/2003 1:12:40 PM
I dont usually read FanFiction, dont usually have time. But I decided to read this one, and loved it. It was quite excellent, although didnt have the ending I was expecting. But it was definately good.
Date posted: 1/14/2003 4:07:42 PM
This is a great story!!! It portrays a realistic look at what would happen to Obi-wan Kenobi, given these circumstances...an excellent and quirky, "Leaving Las Vegas" love story that captured my attention nicely...Thank you!! Definately original and refreshing... Too bad there aren't any Star Wars "what if" novels...this story would be a worthy purchase...eh-hem...of course it would need some more chapters.
Date posted: 1/14/2003 7:49:41 PM
This is not "original". It is Star Wars meets Gladiator and Bridges of Madison County. It lacks insight into the mind of alcoholics (who are ultimately unable to be sensitive beyond their needs) and commited spiritual men.(Jedi; Obi-wan...)
It could become better, but not before a lot of honest research into what makes authentic character types.
Edit: Critiques are welcome, but be careful no to cross the line into flaming.
Date posted: 1/14/2003 9:03:28 PM
Um - I have no clue where you're going with 'original'. This is FANFIC. And I certainly haven't seen this storyline done before in fanfic. ;)
As for Dela and her alcoholism, I was told on another website (by someone who knew an alcoholic) that Dela and her rages were, in fact, realistic. Also, if an alcoholic was *never* sensitive to other people, then alcoholics would never recover, because they would care about nothing, and would therefore have no motivation to quit drinking.
The fact that one is spiritual does not mean one cannot be tortured and broken - nor does it mean that one cannot fall in love.
As for 'research' - what does that mean? The variety of human reactions to experiences or circumstances is as varied and unique as humans themselves.
I enjoy constructive criticism - but your comment is most definitely not that. Come back when you have criticism with actual merit and basis.
To all the other readers - thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoy the story, which was done for pure fun and for the experience of writing it.
Date posted: 1/15/2003 5:15:38 AM
hmmmm interesting, but pointless. obi wan wouldn't be like that, his master qui-gonn taught him compasion for all creatures in the universe, i dont think he, being the once cool, calm and collected jedi knight he was/is would be able to kill an innocent and defenseless human (plapy) also, if palpatine is the master sith in the universe he would have sensed the blast coming towards him.
Date posted: 1/15/2003 5:20:45 AM
i agree with sean on this 1, it was really bad, obi wan is 2 cool a guy 2 be like that, and palpatine isn't an idiot. and btw you did take alot of inspiration from gladiator, infact ur story is practicly "star wars: gladiator"
also wat kind of a rich socialite as a crew of 1 on their yacht, especcially since they are the main stock owner of kuat shipyards. this story had more plot holes in it than spiderman
Date posted: 1/15/2003 5:53:12 AM
I have a hard time picturing Palpatine as innocent or defenseless. If you think he is, then you need to seriously look at your beliefs.
As for Obi-Wan killing Palpy, that's just a matter of opinion. Yes, he has an inherent respect for all life - but when does that reach its limit? Should one *not* kill evil? Is killing in cold blood wrong if the person in question deserves it (which Palpatine surely does)? In this story, Obi-Wan isn't sure either, but he does it anyway. He was driven to the edge of sanity with years of torture. Please keep that aspect in mind when you consider Obi-Wan's actions. Everyone has their limit - even Jedi. Jedi are not perfect, and they are not invulnerable - else, we would have no dark Jedi.
Dela has only one crew person because that's all she wanted. She was on a path to self-destruction and didn't want others around to witness it, simple as that. Sorry if that isn't clearer.
And Palpy's death? Sure, its unlikely, as I point out in the story. I just took it from the perspective that Palpy was as arrogant as he was in ROTJ. He believed himself invulnerable, and while he was self-congratulating himself on surviving one attack Obi-Wan killed him.
This might be a shock to you, but the idea of gladiors didn't orginate with the movie. Slavery, also, is present in the GFFA universe. Jabba has Luke fight a rancor for his amusement in ROTJ.
If you didn't like the story or what it was about, don't read it. I make it very clear in the beginning, and even the summary, what kind of story it is, and while I know it's not to some people's taste, I did not expect people to force themselves to read something they knew they would dislike and then say it was not a good story. In fact, I am led to believe you read the story simply so that you could give negative comments, which is sad. Also, I'm rather suspicous as to why 'dean' and 'sean' not only have similar names, but a similar lack of grammar.
To the readers that actually wanted to enjoy the story, thanks for reading.
Date posted: 1/15/2003 6:35:40 AM
sean/dean (our system identified that you are the same person),
If you must continue to disagree, please e-mail the author. This is a comment list, not a public forum for discussions. Do not attack the author or you will be banned from posting anything to this archive.
Date posted: 1/15/2003 6:48:22 AM
Wow! Coming from a background in psychology, your presentation of Obi-Wan is excellent! I could truly sympathize with him and Dela! Damn good story! Keep up the good work-
Date posted: 1/15/2003 8:03:18 AM
i loved the fanfic it was awsome. but i dont get why darth vader (anikin) wasent with palpitne when the bombs exploded
Date posted: 1/15/2003 9:47:20 AM
I like the narrative, truly autonomous and yet still completely believeable and enticing!
PS: Oboana are you a romantic fool, or just a girl with a crush on Ewan?? ;-)
Author: Lady Moonbeam
Date posted: 1/15/2003 1:57:48 PM
Lady Moonbeam's Comments:
This story was excellent--very dark and very chilling. Obi-Wan's despair was presented perfectly and I wholeheartedly approved of Dela's presence in the story (not a spot of a Mary Sue, despite her romance with Obi-Wan). You had me on the edge of my seat as they prepared to kill Palpatine, and the plan itself was brilliant.
Author: Andrea Jade Solo
Date posted: 1/15/2003 4:35:54 PM
Andrea Jade Solo's Comments:
I really like this fan fiction. It was nicely written but I just might think that because I love romance stories. I just want to say that I think that the writer of the stories is very talened. I have beta-readed some of his/her work and it is like writing pubished works. Killing of the sith lord was a great idea.
Ps- Sorry!I was so genrnal I can't really spell some things.
Author: Andrea Jade solo
Date posted: 1/15/2003 4:39:06 PM
Andrea Jade solo's Comments:
I put writing pubished works but I was trying to say reading pubished works.
Author: winnie the pooh
Date posted: 1/15/2003 4:51:36 PM
winnie the pooh's Comments:
I personall think that story rocked. Man this my first time on this website. I never thought it would be this much fun. Write more stories. sexy.
Date posted: 1/15/2003 9:06:21 PM
You did a GREAT job, Oboana - don't listen to anyone who says otherwise! As for me, I find it hard to believe that anyone could read your compelling story and NOT find it wonderful. I loved the chemistry between Ben and Dela - but then, as I've mentioned before, I am a romantic at heart. There were a few grammatical errors, but nothing serious, and certainly nothing that detracted from the beautiful *yarn* you wove with your expert hands. :p
Date posted: 1/16/2003 6:28:28 PM
Interesting story. A good possiblity in the AU and the "what if" factor. I thought you portrayed Ben well. Not entirely sure about the idea of him marrying(only cause I wish it were me!!) :) But a good romance building. As mentioned, a few grammical errors, but other than that, the story flowed very well.
Date posted: 1/17/2003 12:07:11 AM
I just LOVE this story! I feel rather sorry for Obi-Wan though. And he is so cool and handsome in the picture! :) GREAT WORK!!
Date posted: 1/17/2003 6:11:37 AM
Hey Obaona! When I read the posts by that Sean/Dean character, I felt so bad for u...I loved betaing ur story! You write very well and in amazing quantities (hee hee). (I'll get the stories to u ASAP, but I'm short on time rite now b/c I have finals at school.) You should definitely go professional; I'd be the first to buy your book.
Date posted: 1/17/2003 6:38:51 PM
I donít know why, but this story is soon becoming my ultimate favourite of your works. There is something about it that I canít put my finger in. In Tainted Child, you have action and lots of Jedi, but a near-alcoholic Dela and a miserable Ben surpasses that. I would have liked to seen some more scenes together, just talking about life and not Palpatine. The scene where Ben said he would kill Palpatine for her was one of the most beautiful, and I personally believe you characterised him nicely. I could imagine Obi-Wan transforming into something of a shell he was, though having Dela bring out in him what he thought he had lost.
The Gladiator concept was great to fiddle around with. I disagree with those who believe oba copied it off some movie. Say someone used a ring of power in their story, people would automatically say the author was ripping off ĎLord of the Ringsí. AU stories are supposed to be different and enjoyable to read. If there wasnít anyone like oba who thought outside the box, we would be stuck with bland, predictable storylines.
I really enjoyed this fic. At some points I didnít understand why Dela did some things, but I decided to just let it pass and read on. Thank you for taking the time to write this fantastic piece!
Oh, and I must say the cover art is beautiful. A credit to the graphics artist.
Date posted: 1/17/2003 6:51:44 PM
I just wanted to say...well lots of things. This is very good. Not simply for the fact that you write elegantly either! The story is different, but it holds the reader's attention. Dela is an amazing orginal character. She's well developed and you learn to appreciate her throughout the story, even when the going gets rough. Ben/Obi is incredibly well done, as well (surprise, surprise).
The story evokes great pity, along with a millions other wonderful emotions, for the characters as well as a great affection for them that I don't think I'm going to be able to get over any time soon. Anyways, this is one of your best works and I wanted to let it be known.
Author: Lady Padme
Date posted: 1/17/2003 8:58:06 PM
Lady Padme's Comments:
That was lovely! I was really enthralled, especially by the way you started the fic--there was a mysterious, melancholy to the parts about her initial descriptions of Ben and his reactions toward her.
Author: Darth Jones
Date posted: 1/20/2003 2:06:58 AM
Darth Jones's Comments:
I like the idea of "what if" stuff
Edit: Watch the innuendo and language Darth Jones. Elaborate descriptions are not necessary in a comment.
Date posted: 1/21/2003 1:39:34 AM
Hi from Italy! I loved this story, it was romantic
but in the right way and had a final that reminded me a James Bond movie "Tomorrow never ends". 42 pages but i read it in few time.
Date posted: 1/22/2003 1:21:37 PM
That was actually a really good story. Well done. I;m not a huge fan of romance stories, but the characterizations, and the attention to detail with each person's actions and thoughts was really well done and quite impressive. I enjoyed it.
Date posted: 1/26/2003 1:42:12 PM
This was really cool.
Date posted: 2/2/2003 12:11:10 PM
It was deep and it was good! You created a universe all your own and man did it thrive =). Congrads on one of the best fics I have ever had the privalige to enjoy!
Author: Jedi Niomi
Date posted: 2/7/2003 3:58:50 PM
Jedi Niomi's Comments:
Nice fan fic. I enjoyed reading it. I hope to hear more good fan fics from you.
Date posted: 2/20/2003 4:59:15 AM
Wow. That was amazing! It was so deep... I was shaking half of the time! (that might be because i'm tired, but...) :)
I applaude your work.
Author: Princess Beccerz
Date posted: 2/21/2003 1:34:36 PM
Princess Beccerz's Comments:
oooooooooo! Cool! A very deep and moving story oba. I like it! keep up the amazing work!
Date posted: 2/25/2003 7:10:38 PM
IGNORE ANYBODY THAT DID NOT LOVE THIS STORY. IT SHOWS A VERY HUMAN SIDE TO OBI-WAN, AND I THOUGHT IT WAS FANTASTIC THAT AFTER ALL THE SUFFERING HE FINALLY GOT A HAPPY ENDING. WITHOUT A DOUBT, MY FAVORITE JEDI!!!!
Date posted: 4/7/2003 10:05:30 AM
Wow! This is a fantastic story. It has a very human touch, bringing us back almost to our own world, where we can identify with the issues they struggle with.
I think the starting idea is excellent. Not only is it unique, it says a lot about how Obi-Wan was affected through those years. It is almost an insult to such a wonderful Jedi, but not quite, because he is redeemed in the qualities that he possesses in that almost deranged state.
I love the realism. Thank you for a wonderful story.
Date posted: 4/23/2003 5:29:15 AM
Hi! I've put off reviwing for long enough, and, as always with your stories, I find it extremely well written and giving an in depth look at a characters personality. I also thought that the plot was really original, I've read loads of Obi stories, and I've yet to find one resembling this one. Congratualtions!
On another note, I thoroughly sympathise with you about those who reviewed simply to complain. It's a waste of their time and yours. Personally, if I don't like a story, I don't review it, simple as that, it saves time and feelings.
I look forward to reading more of your stories! Thankyou for writing this one!
Date posted: 9/6/2003 5:02:52 PM
I just finished reading your terrific story. I actually saved it. it was that good!
You have a way of describing feelings and thoughts of your characters that helps the reader actually picture the scene. I felt like I was watching a short SW movie. :)
I loved that Ben finally found someone he could be himself around--someone who loved him even when he was in the darkest part of his life. I loved the romance and that they both helped each other get their lives back together.
I cant wait to read your next story!
Date posted: 2/4/2004 8:26:53 PM
Nice story. Obi-Wa-, Ben was well portrayed and was about as normal as one can expect for someone who had gone through Palpatine torture. You must freeze-frame Star Wars or some other Ewan McGregor movie 'coz you described his eyes very well in intense detail... I loved this story alot, this is about my 3rd time reading it and I caught more things I neglected to read earlier and, I must say, it makes more sense now. I cant wait to see more stories from another Force-Inspired writer.
aka. Zax-Ryn Kenobi
Date posted: 2/4/2004 8:30:44 PM
Sorry, forgot to say that I loved the way you portrayed my favorite Star Wars character, Obi-Wan Kenobi, and am very glad you did not change him around to make him someone he's not. ~ |Going to look for more Obi-Wan stories| ~
Date posted: 12/2/2005 11:56:24 PM
I love happy endings!!! :) Great portrayal of Ben, good analysis of the different AU possibilities. Really well written story.
*claps* Great job!
Date posted: 4/29/2006 3:57:38 PM
I LOVED this story. I can so totally see how anyone after losing everything and going through torture could lose hope, so Obi-Wan was quite understandable. I loved the intimacy between your characters. This was excellent. :)
Date posted: 7/28/2006 2:21:25 AM
Good heavens, people leave some nasty comments. Unfounded nasty comments, I might add.
Wanted to complement you on a very well-written story. The tale was entertaining, but what carried it was your strong character voice and good sense of movement through the entire piece. The burnt eggs scene really stuck in my head for a moment, the sensation of waking up and gradually realizing something was wrong... wonderfully done.
Author: SugarBant Jinn
Date posted: 3/11/2007 4:41:27 PM
SugarBant Jinn's Comments:
I haven't finished it yet - I'm about 1/2 way through - but it's awesome! very beleivable, and "real". it's had me in tears more than once! I can't wait to finish it!
Author: SugarBant Jinn
Date posted: 3/17/2007 9:22:29 PM
SugarBant Jinn's Comments:
WOW! that was AWESOME! probably one of my favorite AU of all time! your characterization of Bens' mentality was amazingly clear and totally beleivable. this story had me in tears! Wonderful job!
Author: Alone Dreaming
Date posted: 1/20/2009 9:04:02 PM
Alone Dreaming's Comments:
Well-written, touching and not at all the usual wishy-washy Mary-sue like qualities found in an original female character. Congratulations on a successfully executed fic.
Date posted: 6/17/2011 11:18:29 AM
You¬íre a real deep thikenr. Thanks for sharing.