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Gungan to the left

The Downfall of Mari-Zu (G)

By : Kit'

Archived on: Monday, September 1, 2003

Mari-Zu is the most perfect Jedi in the Galaxy...or is she.

The girl stood in the middle of the council room, the afternoon sun setting warm golden tones through her thigh long red hair. The ever-present breeze that whispered through the council chambers stirred her heavenly curls so that they caressed her face and outlined her slim, supple body. Her green eyes, framed by gloriously long dark lashes, blinked calmly as she stared patiently into the pink and golden gloom waiting for the council to speak.

Master Yoda shifted slightly in the chair, but it was the Jedi in the centre of the floor who spoke first.

"My Masters," she said melodiously, bowing very low, "I come before you only after saving the Jedi Order from my ex-boyfriend and slaying the Zulan monster before he could devour an innocent boy. I've defeated the last remnants of an ancient evil, and established relations between the two planets of Tu and Bu after years of conflict. I only managed to do this after the horrible death of my Master and my short descent into the Dark Side. I'm afraid that only your eternal gratitude and my immediate elevation from Padawan to Council Member could ever make up for it."

There was a pregnant pause as the council members stared at her. The girl could only imagine that they did so out of envy.

"Yes, about that," Mace Windu said clearing his throat as he did so. "We have several problems with your performance."

"Problems?" the girl's voice echoed, still so beautiful in its intonation that one could only imagine the sweet singing voice she obviously possessed. The frown on each council member's face deepened slightly.

"For starters," Mace continued, "your ex-boyfriend wasn't going to blow the Temple up."

"He wasn't?" the girl answered incredulously. "But he had the pliers, wires and timer and he was fiddling with the Temple power grid."

"He was an technician," Adi Gallia intoned from the other side of the room. "He was fixing a blown grid panel. And another thing, that Zulan monster was the king's pet. That boy you saved it from was the king's son. Who, I might add, was very upset when you cut his pet's head off in the middle of playing chase."

"The king is demanding retribution," Plo Koon added. "As are the leaders of Bu and Tu."

"But I made friends there," the girl squealed, her peaches and cream complexion turning raspberry.

"The warring sides of Bu and Tu have only become friends due to their overwhelming dislike of you," Mace said, taking up the conversation again. "They have sent ambassadors demanding that we give them trade subsidies as a concession for having to put up with you. Your Master was merely suffering the rodiesian flu and although she may have asked you to kill her - we are sure that a couple days of good bed rest would have cured her."

"As for your descent into the Dark Side," Adi Gallia said, "having one bad day and a temper tantrum does not a dark Jedi make."

"And the ancient evil?" the girl asked, twisting white hands over one another.

Mace Windu flipped his data pad open and scrolled for a few seconds and scanned it.

"No," he said looking up, "you got that right."

Another pause filled the room with its foreboding silence. The girl was looking a lot less calm now, her tunic was beginning to rumple and crease and her skin had a white look to it. Again Master Yoda shuffled in his chair and the young girl turned her large green eyes beseechingly towards him.

"Never go unpunished, crimes do." Master Yoda beamed. "Sentenced you are, to never be mentioned again."

"But, Master." The girl began to waver, "Think of my talents! You know, my special grasp of the force and the fact that I only joined the temple at the age of eight after saving four Jedi and a nerf calf. My mastership of the hardest kata at fourteen..."

"Hhrumph." Master Yoda cut her off before she could continue. The elderly green Jedi tapped his stick against the ground. "No more shall we hear from you," the green monster quavered. "Dismissed you are, Mari-Zu."

The End

Original cover design by Tess. HTML formatting copyright 2003 TheForce.Net LLC.

Fan Fiction Rating

Current Rating is 8.09 in 69 total ratings.

Reader Comments

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Author: DarthyVader
Date posted: 9/2/2003 8:23:28 AM
DarthyVader's Comments:

What do you know, I get the first one!
That was funny! I liked her punishment
Is there a connection between Mari-Zu and Mara Jade? Keep on writing!

Author: Viari Skywalker  (signed)
Date posted: 9/2/2003 12:15:10 PM
Viari Skywalker's Comments:

Kit, this is too hilarious! Glad to see you got it in the archives; you deserved it!

*chuckles* Mari-Zu...*snicker*

Author: Jainon Solo
Date posted: 9/2/2003 1:26:58 PM
Jainon Solo's Comments:

I like what you did with her. Write more.

Author: LuvEwan
Date posted: 9/2/2003 1:51:34 PM
LuvEwan's Comments:

**wipes tears from eyes**

Oh, that was just priceless, 'Kit. I looooved how the Masters reacted to her many heroic 'deeds'. This should be a must-read for anyone beginning a fic. Fantastic and utterly funny. Great job!

Author: LianaMara  (signed)
Date posted: 9/2/2003 6:40:33 PM
LianaMara's Comments:

That was so hilarious, Kit! I read it on the boards, and loved it. Mari-Zu, the perfect character, is revealed to the stereotypical silly that she really is. And her punishment was the best part. Great job!

Author: Jedi-2B  (signed)
Date posted: 9/3/2003 2:34:50 PM
Jedi-2B's Comments:

Very funny commentary on Mary-Sue ... I mean, Mari-Zu. But did you have to make her look like Mara? :)

Author: Kit (No, different Kit!)
Date posted: 9/3/2003 4:02:59 PM
Kit (No, different Kit!)'s Comments:

w00t! Death to the Mary-Sue! Hehehehe... Very nice. We appreciate it a great deal. ^_______^

Author: Mcily Nochi  (signed)
Date posted: 9/3/2003 8:13:21 PM
Mcily Nochi's Comments:

Oh my gosh, this is so funny! What a great little story! Thank you for sharing this with us.

Author: Fett Boy  (signed)
Date posted: 9/7/2003 6:20:20 AM
Fett Boy's Comments:

I liked it! I liked it!

Good job. Keep me laughing. Write more! More I say!

Author: Flask
Date posted: 9/7/2003 6:00:27 PM
Flask's Comments:

Great story, Kit! I read it first when you posted it on the forums and it was even more hilarious this second time around. ;)

Author: geo3
Date posted: 9/7/2003 8:50:49 PM
geo3's Comments:

..."No more shall we hear from you," the green monster quavered. "Dismissed you are, Mari-Zu."...

Oh, if only!!!! If only!!!!

Brilliant, Kit. Bravo!

Author: Raxonia
Date posted: 9/8/2003 12:23:28 PM
Raxonia's Comments:

The bit about the ex-boyfriend made me laugh as well as the description of the "perfect jedi". Short and sweet.

Author: Christina
Date posted: 9/8/2003 5:43:24 PM
Christina's Comments:

The scary thing? I think I've met this child. <g>

It was hysterical--an excellent parody.

Author: Bant428  (signed)
Date posted: 9/8/2003 5:58:47 PM
Bant428's Comments:

THANK YOU KIT'!!! I hate May Sue stories and it's about time I laughed after reading about her instead of cried in anguish... =-). Looove it!

Author: Qwi_Xux  (signed)
Date posted: 9/9/2003 7:16:27 AM
Qwi_Xux's Comments:

Yay! It finally got in! I love this's just hilarious, and so true to some fanfiction.

Author: Nemesis  (signed)
Date posted: 9/10/2003 8:58:58 AM
Nemesis's Comments:

I read this on the boards... it's still hilarious.

Great work Kit'.

Nem :D

Author: Jedi Kate
Date posted: 11/13/2003 4:13:36 PM
Jedi Kate's Comments:

Nice punishment for the girl. A nice fanfic over all. Keep up the good work.

Author: Y-Wing Ace  (signed)
Date posted: 12/3/2003 10:10:49 PM
Y-Wing Ace's Comments:

Gee, I thought Mary Sue only showed up in Star Trek fanfics. Nice to know the Federation isn't the only multi-planet government that has to deal with her, the Republic does too.
"Having one bad day and a temper tantrum does not a dark Jedi make." Nice to know. Otherwise Anakin would already have been doing his James Earl Jones impression at the end of AOTC.

Author: Jules
Date posted: 12/8/2003 9:30:25 PM
Jules's Comments:

haha...short and funny...just peachy

Author: Saber-of-Light  (signed)
Date posted: 4/22/2004 1:01:25 PM
Saber-of-Light's Comments:

"Gee, I thought Mary Sue only showed up in Star Trek fanfics. "

Oh, Y-wing Ace, if only you knew...I've been the fervent shipper of six fandoms and all have Mary-Sues. Yesssss, my preciousssss...

Er, moving on; excellent one, Kit! Ah, all seasoned authors have done battle with this former...Jedi? Huh. I've known Mary-Sue as a former salon owner and a rejected Elf, but a Jedi? Lurvely. That means ysalamiri will work on her. Eeeeexcellent. Anyways, lovely story ^^

Author: jarogue  (signed)
Date posted: 8/18/2008 8:55:59 PM
jarogue's Comments:

Ha ha ha!!!!! She so deserved that. Good work. OF all the Jedi council members, Mace Windu has got to be my favorite. Kit, keep on postin'. And Kit, I think you should turn around nice and slow and see who's

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Archived: Monday, September 1, 2003

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