Night on Yavin IV, and all the ghosts and demons that come with it. It may be my last night, I realize as I look over the treetops from my little room's window at Yavin's other moons, twin silver orbs hanging low on the horizon. Reflected in the moons are faces of people dead, people I knew and loved. If I listen hard enough, the whispering of the wind becomes their voices. This threat of death does not scare me anymore, though; its blade is dulled. I think that because I have lived the last few days in such peril, I've come to disregard it. Or maybe I welcome it.
Perhaps I'm still too numb about...
I close my eyes against the ghosts on the moons, but I can still see them. The Alliance has been based on Yavin IV for some time. I've visited here once or twice, spending a few days to catch up with the doings of the Alliance. It's an exciting, exotic place to be, but I was always glad to return home. Now I have no home. This little room, cold and dark stone, is only a place to rest, to close my eyes, and prepare for what's to come.
The night will end with the red flame of Yavin peeking over the horizon and the coming of the Death Star. We found the homing device on the Falcon a few hours ago. Captain Solo was shocked, General Dodonna was grim, and I was resigned. I knew they were coming; we all knew. They're coming just like they came for Alderaan. And I'm not frightened.
Luke's joined one of the X-wing squadrons. I wish I could help somehow, for while I care little for my own life right now, there are hundreds of others' lives hanging in the balance, including Luke's, but I have no business in a fighter. So I must wait on the surface. Wait for death?
When I open my eyes, the ghosts are still there. What I would give to join them, to be with my family and friends again, my adopted parents, Bail and Lydir?, and my real mother. I ache to see them all again, to be held in their arms, and only death can fulfill that wish. But I can see Father shaking his head at me as I think these thoughts. That would be the coward's way.
Father hated cowards. He always told me to be strong, keep my head high, and do what's right no matter what the cost. What is right is the Alliance and our fight against the Empire. The cost is my life, given not in death, but in service.
My birth mother gave her life in service. From what little I could get from Father, she was one of the greatest politicians ever. I know she had incredible adventures too, ones to rival mine, but Father had forbidden Lydir? to tell them to me. Lydir? let slip, every once in a while, with a twinkle in her eye as she clasped a hand to her mouth. She was trying to tell me about my real mother. Through those rare references, I built my mother. I daydreamed about her, and in all my visions her eyes were alive with passion and fire. There is no one I emulate more than Padm? Amidala, the little I can know about her. Living was painful for her, too, like it is for me. I could see it in her eyes, even when I was very young. She had lost much, suffered much--Lydir? hinted as much--but yet she never wavered. She was strong. She lived. I long to see her again, but I will be strong like her.
Yavin is rising and tinting the forest below scarlet. The night fades, and the spirits of my friends and family fade with it. Lydir? smiles at me, Father winks at me, and I know they want me to continue. It'll be so hard without them, but as they vanish I vow I will not fall. My mother is the last to go. I can see her smiling, too. For once her eyes are not sad. They are bright and encouraging. Not only did she serve, she lived. And I must follow her example.
I smile as I turn away from the window. This day is a day to fight, a day I shall face with passion and fire. Someday I will look at my mother for real, not just her reflection in the moon, and I will be able to tell her how I too served. Someday she'll be able to tell me her own stories of fighting and living. Someday.
But not today.
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