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Gungan to the left

Campaign 20,000 (PG)

By : Jeff 42

Archived on: Saturday, April 28, 2001

Mon Mothma, Emperor Palpatine, and Nom Anor engage in a political debate to decide who will be elected ruler of the galaxy--with hilarious results.

Note: This story was originally posted at the Fan Fiction forum of the Jedi Council message boards. After the end of the debate, the readers voted to decide who won the election.

"Hello, and welcome to Coruscant Cola Civic Arena. I am J-42, moderating droid. Tonight is the night for the final debate of this year's campaign for the Ruler of the Galaxy election. Here are our candidates:

"From the Freedom Party, Mon Mothma. She currently is the leader in the polls, with 59% of the vote.

"From the Imperial Party, Emperor Palpatine. He is second in the polls, although he leads the critical demographic of human males.

"And our independent candidate, Nom Anor. He trails far behind the two major party candidates, but remains in the campaign.

"Let's give a big welcome to our three candidates."

Mothma: Thank you, J-42.

Anor: I also thank you, although I actually believe that technology is evil and you should be destroyed.

"Right. Now then, we will begin with this question from one of our audience members. . . ."

"Candidates, we will begin this debate by asking: How do you plan to deal with the galaxy's crime problems? Senator Mothma, you may begin."

Mothma: I often wonder why sentient beings must at times treat each other so cruelly and unfairly. Can't we all just get along? If--

Palpatine: Young fool.

"Please, Emperor Palpatine. You will have a turn to speak as well."

Mothma: Yes, as I was saying. I believe that we must make an effort to change the basic attitudes of our galaxy's people in order to reduce crime. We need to educate our children, as well as our adults, that crime is bad.

Anor: I am in awe of your insight, Senator. If only I had realized before that crime is bad!

"Please, Mr. Anor. You may dispense with the sarcasm. Senator Mothma, do go on."

Mothma: Ahem. In addition to improved education, we should stress rehabilitation rather than punishment for the law-breakers in our society. By doing this, we can reduce crime over time and make the galaxy a happier place for all.

Palpatine: An idealistic plan, Senator . . . foolishly idealistic, if I do say so myself. When I am elected Ruler of the Galaxy, I promise to bring order to the Republic. A stormtrooper on every street corner, and a Star Destroyer in every system. No one will dare break the law, especially once my stricter crime control laws take effect. And the law-abiding citizens of the galaxy will have nothing to worry about.

Mothma: Emperor Palpatine, how, if I may ask, do you plan to deal with the increased number of criminals who will surely be arrested under your new laws?

Palpatine: It's simple. Wipe them out. All of them.

Mothma: You aren't suggesting we apply the death penalty for all crimes!

Palpatine: Oh, I suppose not for first time traffic offenses or other minormisdemeanors. But just what is wrong with putting major offenders to death? It will make the galaxy a safer place.

"Mr. Anor . . ."

Anor: When I am Ruler of the Galaxy, citizens of the Republic will have absolutely no reason to do each other harm. Crime will plummet, and within years be completely eliminated.

Mothma: You really expect us to believe that? Just how exactly are you going to accomplish this?

Anor: I, ah . . . can't go into details at the time, but I promise that under my new government, there will be no crime! Hey, that rhymes!

"And so does that. But now it is time for our first commercial break. Stay tuned to Galactic News Network for continuing coverage of this year's campaign."

Do you dream of a day when you won't have to worry about corruption and crime? A day when people of all sizes, shapes, and colors will live in harmony throughout the galaxy?

Then vote Mothma.

Because many Bothans died to bring you this information.

No matter who wins this year's election, one soft drink will always rule.

Drink Coruscant Cola. The official soft drink of Campaign 20,000.

"Welcome back to the debate. Now we have a couple of questions that have come in over the Galactic Holonet. First of all, what is your stance on smugglers?"

Palpatine: Smugglers are truly among the most vile scum in all the galaxy. I can't stand them, especially when they help blow up perfectly useful space stations.

Mothma: "Perfectly useful," my behind!

Palpatine: Senator, I don't think we want to hear about your behind. Now as I was saying, smugglers are a major problem in the galaxy. So they would, of course, fall under my stricter crime control measures. A few decades on Kessel will make them rethink their smuggling ways!

Mothma: While I agree that smugglers are, in most cases, bad, there are much worse problems in the galaxy. And some smugglers can actually be good at heart, such as ones who help blow up evil space stations. We should enforce the current smuggling laws, but I would not make stopping smugglers a focus of my policy.

Anor: Like Senator Palpatine, I can't stand smugglers. Of course, I don't like any, um, hehe . . . criminals. But under my new government, smuggling will soon be eliminated from this galaxy.

Mothma: That's--

Anor: And don't ask how, just believe me, dammit!

"Very well. The next question is: What is your stand on killing Jedi?"

Anor: I do not harbor any particular feelings of resentment toward the Jedi. Like all beings, some are better than others. I see no reason to single out the Jedi for destruction, and I would not have any policies specifically targeting the Jedi under my government.

Mothma: The Jedi are the guardians of peace and justice in the Republic. The mere notion of killing them is preposterous! We should build up, not cut down on, the Jedi Order.

Palpatine: Unlike my colleagues, I must say that I find the whole idea of Jedi rather distasteful. Do you really want superbeings in your midst who can read your minds? I certainly don't.

Mothma: There are rumors that you, Emperor Palpatine, once had Jedi training. . . .

Palpatine: I didn't inhale. Um, I mean . . . I can neither confirm nor deny those allegations. But the point remains: do you want people meddling with your thoughts? The Jedi can do this. They should all be destroyed.

"Thank you candidates. Now here's a treat. Our next question comes from Mara Jade herself. . . ."

Mara Jade: I'd like to ask the candidates about their position on health reform. My HMO won't cover Jedi healers, and considers their work with incurable molecular wasting diseases as alternative medicine. What do you have to say about this situation?

Anor: I didn't have anything to do with it! That is, um, with those lousy HMOs. Yes, that's it. I hate HMOs, and if elected I would wipe them from the face of the galaxy.

Mothma: That may be a bit extreme, but we certainly do need health care reform. I myself know that Jedi healers can be quite helpful, and I assure you, Mara, that I will not forget your plight if I am elected.

Palpatine: What my fellow candidates seem unaware of is that you, Mara Jade, are traitorous scum. I'm glad that your HMO won't cover Jedi healing. You can rot, for all I care, and I hope you do!

Mothma: Emperor Palpatine, your dislike for Mara Jade is widely known, but what is your stance on this issue?

Palpatine: When I said the Jedi should be killed, that does include Jedi healers, you know.

Mothma: But--

Palpatine: Do shut up.

"That's quite enough. Now our next topic is certainly a contentious one. What are the candidate's views on discrimination in the galaxy?"

Mothma: Discrimination is just plain wrong. No one should ever miss out on opportunities because of his or her species or gender. We have made progress in giving all beings equal rights, but I still see signs of prejudice around me everywhere. If elected, I would push for new laws that would mete out stricter punishments for those found guilty of discrimination. I would also support programs to assist members of species who have been harmed by discrimination in the past.

Anor: I agree with Senator Mothma that there is no need to discriminate among the various species. My government would treat all races and genders exactly the same. All citizens of this galaxy are equal in my eyes. Except for droids, that is. But they aren't really citizens, are they? . . . Well, are they??

"I . . . suppose not, sir. Emperor Palpatine?"

Palpatine: I'm afraid that my fellow candidates both have rather foolish views on this issue. It's obvious that humans, especially human males, are superior to all other races of the galaxy. In fact, one of my first acts as Ruler would be to take away the vote from all inferior species.

Mothma: What?!? How could you say such a thing? And how could you possibly retain popular support with policies like that?

Palpatine: Fear will keep the non-humans in line.

Mothma: I find that policy to be despicable, although I admit it might work. But how can you hope to win this election?

Palpatine: I find your lack of faith disturbing.

"All right, this next question is for Nom Anor. Mr. Anor, there are rumors that you have made cryptic remarks about conquering the galaxy. Any comments?"

Palpatine: Ha! Like that pathetic excuse for a human could ever hope to conquer the entire galaxy!

Anor: I'm afraid that my colleague is quite correct. I alone could never conquer the whole galaxy. My masters--er, I mean . . . my campaign advisors, um . . . and I . . . would never devise such a ridiculous scheme. I am appalled that anyone would even suggest it!

"Very well. It is now time for our second commercial break. Keep watching Galactic News Network as Campaign 20,000 continues."

Made with the purest water from the glaciers of Hoth...

It's cool, it's refreshing...

If you haven't grabbed a Coruscant Cola yet, what are you waiting for?

He has the answers on all the hot issues that affect you.

On crime...

"Under my government, crime will be eliminated from the galaxy!"

On jobs...

"All beings in this galaxy will have work when I am Ruler."

On discrimination...

"My policies will not discriminate against any citizens of this galaxy."

He's Nom Anor. A new leader for a new galaxy.

"We now continue with the final debate of this year's campaign for Ruler of the Galaxy, live from Coruscant Cola Civic Arena. And now we have another question from a celebrity audience member, the great pilot Wedge Antilles."

Wedge Antilles: Since the Republic and Empire are now at peace, there's been a lot of talk about cutting the budget for the military. What is your opinion on this?

Palpatine: Cutting the military's budget? Someone find the people who were saying that, so that I can order my stormtroopers to shoot them! But seriously, folks . . . what, you didn't know I was joking? Oh, come on, now. . . . Seriously. A strong military is necessary to keep the unruly inhabitants of this galaxy in line. Cutting back on military spending would also leave us vulnerable to outside threats. If anything, the military budget should be increased! Wouldn't any sane citizen of the galaxy feel safer knowing that there's an Imperial II-class Star Destroyer orbiting above his head as he sleeps at night?

Mothma: Increase the military budget? We have much more important things to spend the money on.

Palpatine: Not if you're dead.

Mothma: Point. But there are many programs to help our galaxy's citizens where the cash would be better suited to go. At the same time, however, it is true that we never knew when a new threat might arise. Some minor cutbacks might be suitable, but we should still keep a strong enough military presence to defend the Republic's people.

Anor: My fellow candidates, how, um, silly of you. We all know that it is highly unlikely any sizable new threat would arise. It would be quite wise of us, if you ask me, to make major cuts in the military's budget. And then it will be all the easier for . . . um, never mind.

Palpatine: By the Force, what is wrong with you?

Anor: Absolutely nothing. Believe me, under my government it will be completely unnecessary for the Republic to even have a military.

Mothma: I'm afraid that I have to agree with the Emperor here. Are you insane?

Anor: Wh-why are . . . are you guys always so . . . mean to me? I . . . d-d-don't . . . like it.

"Um, I think that's enough of that. Let's move on the next question, from Jedi Master Luke Skywalker. . . ."

Luke Skywalker: I'm a Jedi and I am paid virtually nothing, and what I get goes towards helping others. I deserve a tax break!

Anor: Thank you, Jedi Skywalker. This gives me the perfect opportunity to unveil my new tax plan. You see, under my plan, you would not get a tax break compared to the other citizens of the galaxy. That's because there will be no taxes when I'm Ruler of the Galaxy! Yes, you heard right, you won't have to pay any of your hard-earned credits to the government. That's none, zip, zero, nada. . . .

Mothma: I'm not even going to comment on that one.

Anor: And just what is that supposed to mean?

Mothma: Nothing.

Anor: Are you sure about that, Senator?

"Mr. Anor, please settle down."

Mothma: Thank you. Well, Luke, you make an interesting point. I think that a tax break for Jedi might very well be suitable.

Palpatine: Under my government, the Jedi won't have to pay any taxes. They'll be dead! And for all the living citizens of the Republic, I will cut away at the bureaucracy and simplify the endless lines of tax code to one simple flat rate.

Mothma: And what might that rate be?

Palpatine: Oh, somewhere in the vicinity of . . . sixty percent.

Anor: How can you justify that? Why, that's . . . sixty percent higher than what the tax rate would be under my government!

Palpatine: I obviously know much better what to do with the money of our constituents than they do. It's for their own good.

Mothma: Oh really? Well, perhaps if having to be constantly on the watch for trigger-happy stormtroopers is "good."

Palpatine: Of course it is! You disagree?

Mothma: As a matter of fact, I do!

"Please, candidates, let us move on to the next question. This one comes from an astromech droid. What about discrimination against droids and our galaxy-wide status as second-class citizens?"

Anor: Second-class citizens? That's a much higher status than those cursed mechanics deserve! Droids are clearly tools of evil. It's obvious that anyone who depends on mechanical beings is weak, and must change their ways. Repent, sinners! Let us destroy the mechanical scourges of our existence!

"It's a good thing that you have no chance whatsoever of being elected."

Anor: What's this? Now the blasted moderating droid is ganging up on me too? I protest! And when I'm elected, you, J--um, whatever the hell your name is, will be the first one to go!

"I'm sure. Senator Mothma, Emperor Palpatine, what are your opinions on the subject?"

Mothma: That is a very interesting question. While some droids are simple, nonsentient automatons, I know that others can have true feelings of their own. We could, perhaps, explore ways in which these beings can gain rights that organic citizens of the galaxy take for granted.

Palpatine: Mechanical beings, like all nonhumans, are obviously inferior. And besides, droids can't vote, so who really cares?

Luke Skywalker: I care.

Palpatine: I wasn't asking you!

"All right, let's move on to the next question. What are your feelings on galactic overpopulation? With things going the way they are now, we could soon find ourselves out of space! Do you think extragalactic exploration is the answer? If not, what is?"

Anor: No! We should definitely not explore outside of our galaxy! There is still plenty of space in this one, and who wants to face unknown dangers in the extragalactic territories? I think it is best to leave the people of other galaxies to themselves.

Palpatine: There are still many regions of this galaxy that we have not explored, and there is also still plenty of room on most populated planets. There is certainly no overpopulation problem! Why waste money exploring outside our galaxy, money that could go instead to the construction of more Star Destroyers?

Mothma: Well, I'm happy to say that this is a topic we can all agree on. There is currently no--

Palpatine: All agree on? Well, in that case, I think we should explore outside our galaxy.

Anor: No! That's a very bad idea!

Mothma: Mr. Anor, well I agree with you that extragalactic exploration is unnecessary, I find myself wondering why you are so vehemently opposed to the idea.

Anor: Do you have to scrutinize everything I do and say? Why don't you just give me a break for once? You know, I'd be happy to infect--er, um, I mean . . . investigate . . . your . . . numerous so-called . . . business meetings with, um, Admiral Ackbar!

Mothma: What the hell are you taking about?

Anor: I must have hit pretty close to the mark to get her all riled up like that, eh?

Mothma: This is a disgrace!

Anor: Not as disgraceful as--

"SILENCE!!! . . . There, that's much better. Now let us continue onto the next topic in this political debate, shall we?"

"The next topic is unemployment. What would the candidates do to provide work for the numerous jobless beings in the galaxy?"

Mothma: Unemployment is certainly a serious problem. I believe that we need a new welfare program to assist our jobless citizens. This will help them survive without a job, and give them training so that they can soon be able to make a living on their own.

Palpatine: What a waste of taxpayers' money!

Mothma: You're the one who wants a sixty percent tax rate.

Palpatine: And every cent will go to things more important than stupid welfare programs. If people can't get a job, it's their own fault! And besides, my Imperial Navy would always be glad to give them work.

Anor: Well, under my government, there will be no unemployment in the galaxy! All the Republic's citizens will have work to do . . . whether they like it or . . . um, uh . . . never mind.

"Now we again have a question from over the Holonet. I quote: 'What about slavery? We all know it still exists in the galaxy; but I'm sure none of the candidates can support a practice which so flagrantly violates so many human and non-human rights!' Candidates?"

Anor: Slavery is a very, um, sensitive issue. I wouldn't want to, uh, hehe, offend anyone, so I'm afraid that I must refrain from answering this question.

Palpatine: Mr. Anor, dare I say that you are something of a . . . wimp? Well, I, for one, am never known to dodge an issue. Slavery? I will make it legal.

Mothma: How could you so blatantly violate the rights of so many people?

Palpatine: Rights? Senator, how many times do I have to tell you this before it gets through your hopelessly idealistic little mind? Nonhumans . . . are . . . inferior! We, as the superior race of the galaxy, would be fools not to exploit them as slaves!

Mothma: Do you hear that? Anyone out there who is not a human, I don't think you want to vote for my colleague here!

Palpatine: But wouldn't being a slave be preferable to being dead?

Mothma: Well, Emperor, how would you like it if someone enslaved you?

Palpatine: Like anyone could do that!

Mothma: You're missing the point of the question.

Palpatine: Whatever.

"Senator Mothma, you're obviously against slavery, but what would you do as Ruler of the Galaxy about the perceived problem?"

Mothma: IMHO--

Anor: Well, I suspected as much, but I'm certainly surprised to see you admit that you are indeed a ho.

Mothma: What?!? That means "in my humble opinion," you . . . you--um, well then, I think that we need to take stronger measures to prevent slavery in the galaxy. Therefore, I would enact penalties against planets that allow this despicable practice to continue.

"Okay, the next question is: What about the many fringe nations that exist on the edge of Republic territory? What will your foreign policy be when it comes to emigration and trade with such nations?"

Palpatine: We should expand and conquer these fringe nations so that the entire galaxy can feel the glory of my New Order!

Mothma: The problems with that idea should be obvious, although I'm sure you wouldn't admit they exist, Emperor Palpatine. Personally, I think that we should have laws enabling freer trade with these nations, and should admit them to the Republic if they wish to become members.

Palpatine: You're just jealous because you aren't powerful enough to take them by force--pun intended, by the way.

Mothma: I will not be drawn into an argument like this! Mr. Anor, why don't you tell us what you think?

Anor: Leave the fringe nations to themselves! Who really cares what's happening on the edge of the galaxy? I know I don't! Yeah, that's it, just ignore them, and then if anyone inva--er, invites us to, um, trade with them . . . then I guess we can discuss it at the appropriate time! Sounds like a plan, huh?

Mothma: I'm sure it does, but it seems to me, Mr. Anor, that you may be hiding something.

Anor: Me? Hiding something? Never!

"Now this next question is for Emperor Palpatine. Emperor, you have been accused of violating campaign finance laws. Any comments?"

Palpatine: This is my Minister of Finance, Darth Maul.

cue ominous music

Palpatine: He will find your lost campaign funds.

Anor: That hideous freak?

Maul: Maybe it is you who are the hideous freak.

Mothma: Come on, now, do we always have to argue like this?

Anor: Shut up, b****. And you, Palpatine, you and your little sidekick here . . .

Palpatine: Why don't you just take your pathetic self and go back to wherever it is you came from?

Anor: All right, I will! And then I'll come back here and kick all your sorry behinds!

Palpatine: You and what army?

Anor: What army, eh? Well wouldn't you just love to know that?

Palpatine: You have made me angry. Bad idea. Now feel the power of the dark side!

"Please, everyone, settle down! No, Emperor Palpatine, no lightning! Will I be forced to bring in the ysalimiri?"

Palpatine: That's another thing I'd do as Ruler, order the extermination of those damn animals!

"Let's go to a commercial break. Now!"

You will vote Palpatine.

You will vote Palpatine.

You will vote Palpatine.

So you still haven't picked up a cool, refreshing Coruscant Cola? Look, how many times do I have to tell you . . .

Yeah, that's right, I'm talking to you! Oh, what was that? You wanna make something of it? Don't make me come over--

"Welcome back to Coruscant Cola Civic Arena, where we will now have the conclusion of this year's final debate in the campaign to decide who will be Ruler of the Galaxy. We have time for one more brief question. This viewer says, 'It seems to me that Senator Mothma is the only non-evil candidate.' What do our three candidates have to say about this?"

Mothma: Well, some people might say that good and evil depend on one's point of view. Still, I can assure you that I have the best interests of the Republic's citizens at heart, well I am not sure that this is the case for my fellow candidates here.

Palpatine: Ooh, so now Senator Mothma is the 'only non-evil candidate.' Well what's wrong with being evil?

Maul: One look at me makes it obvious that evil is much cooler.

Mothma: How do you define 'cool'?

Palpatine: You wouldn't understand.

Anor: Well, the short answer to the question posed is that I'm not evil, just misunderstood. The long answer--

"I'm afraid that we don't have time for the long answer, Mr. Anor."

Anor: Damn droid!

"Now each candidate will be able to make a closing statement. Senator Mothma, you may begin."

Mothma: Thank you. Well, citizens of the Republic, if you want to be constantly living in fear, or if you want to believe in fairy tale promises of no crime, taxes, or unemployment, then go right ahead and vote for one of the other candidates. But if you want the galaxy to be a better place for all, then I would appreciate your vote on Election Day.

"Mr. Anor?"

Anor: Um, uh . . . vote for me, or else!

Palpatine: Or else what? Pathetic fool . . . but I must echo my fellow candidate, when I say vote for me . . . or else!

"Thank you, candidates. That is the conclusion of tonight's debate, brought to you live from the Coruscant Cola Civic Arena by Coruscant Cola. Remember, the election for the new Ruler of the Galaxy is tomorrow. Keep your viewer right here on Galactic News Network for comprehensive coverage of this year's vote."

"Citizens , today is a truly glorious day! At last, with my election, order has been restored to our galaxy. A shining new Empire will now rise out of the chaos that was the Republic!

"I must acknowledge my fellow candidates, Nom Anor and Mon Mothma, for making the campaign interesting. . . . although I assure you both will soon pay the price for their lack of vision! And to all those beings who voted for me, thank you. To all those who did not, you can expect a visit from some stormtroopers soon.

"That is all. And remember: never underestimate the power of the dark side!"

--Emperor Palpatine, acceptance speech

Original cover design by FernWithy. HTML formatting copyright 2001 TheForce.Net LLC.

Fan Fiction Rating

Current Rating is 9.43 in 257 total ratings.

Reader Comments

Add a comment about this Fan Fiction

Author: FernWithy
Date posted: 4/28/2001 10:46:36 PM
FernWithy's Comments:

Right down to the commercials... I love it!

Author: Kenobi Maul  (signed)
Date posted: 4/29/2001 10:01:24 AM
Kenobi Maul's Comments:

This was absolutely hilarious. As funny the second time here as the first time on the JC.

Author: Luke_and_Mara_4ever  (signed)
Date posted: 4/29/2001 1:23:26 PM
Luke_and_Mara_4ever's Comments:

I CAN'T believe I missed this on its first spin through TFN. It's HILARIOUS!!!

Author: Darth_Fruitcake
Date posted: 4/30/2001 10:06:29 AM
Darth_Fruitcake's Comments:

I have one comment on this story: HEHEHEHEHEHEHE!!!

Author: Liz Skywalker  (signed)
Date posted: 4/30/2001 6:14:55 PM
Liz Skywalker's Comments:


Author: LLL  (signed)
Date posted: 5/2/2001 6:21:42 PM
LLL's Comments:

I was proud to accept this one; it's original, and it's funny!

Author: Vergere  (signed)
Date posted: 5/9/2001 6:02:02 PM
Vergere's Comments:


very funny, very clever. i personally liked the commercials best. the incorporation of actually lines from the movies into the fic was a nice touch too :) good job!

Author: Belle Bayard  (signed)
Date posted: 5/18/2001 11:34:29 AM
Belle Bayard's Comments:

Absolutely hilarious! Not only in view of the SW aspect, but politics in general. As a reader of EU I appreciated Nom Anor's comments and the veiled threats of Palpatine (ah, yes, the clone of Palpy who turned Luke for awhile). Wonderfully funny and completely entertaining in its entirety! Bravo!

Author: Herman Snerd  (signed)
Date posted: 6/12/2001 2:53:37 PM
Herman Snerd's Comments:

"No, Emperor Palpatine, no lightning! Will I be forced to bring in the ysalimiri?"

Best line of the whole story, and that's saying quite a bit.

Very funny.

Author: micak
Date posted: 6/16/2001 5:04:11 PM
micak's Comments:

tripped out, but anor should have beat palpatine.

Author: Padme
Date posted: 6/17/2001 3:37:43 PM
Padme's Comments:

I thought "Campaign 20,00" was very funny although it was kind of confusing with Palpatine as on of the candidates.
I suggest you keep writing you have a good grasp of the concepts.

Author: Austin
Date posted: 6/18/2001 6:28:11 PM
Austin's Comments:

I LOVE IT!! You need to make a sequel for the election day and the 2 months afterward. RECOUNT RECOUNT!!! Of course I really like the line about "Not inhaling"

Author: Quiller  (signed)
Date posted: 6/19/2001 9:32:54 PM
Quiller's Comments:

Good for a chuckle. Lots of chuckles, actually.
Thanks, Jeff.
Nom Anor had my vote. You managed to portray the guy as slimey and pathetic, almost 'Golem-esque'. All he needed was to start call something, "my precious."

Author: Lancer365
Date posted: 6/24/2001 7:14:49 PM
Lancer365's Comments:

This was a hilariuos story. But I think Nom Anor would have won. Hurray no taxes. And Emperor Palpatine what an idiot

Author: JawaWithSpork
Date posted: 7/1/2001 11:39:44 AM
JawaWithSpork's Comments:

As a citizen of the new Empire under Palpatine, I am compeled to say I enjoyed the ending very much.

Author: Tahiri
Date posted: 7/2/2001 8:29:54 PM
Tahiri's Comments:

Absolutly hilarious. And we definatly need a sequel, or a similar story. "Crime is bad" I love that. I almost fell off my chair the when I read this story.

Author: Lau-ra Anu
Date posted: 7/3/2001 12:14:37 PM
Lau-ra Anu's Comments:

Hilarious! I love it! Wouldn't it be great if we had such great candidates like Palpatine for the US presidency???

Author: Darth Pipes  (signed)
Date posted: 7/7/2001 10:55:47 PM
Darth Pipes's Comments:

A very funny story. Wonderful responses to the question. Palpatine is funny when he's written by that. Though I think Nom Anor to the cake. His vague answers and attempts to convince people not to explore out of the galaxy were classic.

Author: Rori Firehawk
Date posted: 7/11/2001 3:14:16 PM
Rori Firehawk's Comments:

ROTFLOL!!! I laughed my head off! (It rolled under my chair...)
We all love a good laugh!

Author: Mcily Nochi
Date posted: 7/29/2001 12:27:54 PM
Mcily Nochi's Comments:

That was so funny! I loved how each candidate was stereotyped. Mon Mothma always too perfect, Emperor Palpatine completely evil and not realizing how twisted he is, and Nom Anor with is poorly kept secret . . . Great!

Author: Senator_Elegos_A-Kla
Date posted: 8/21/2001 4:08:56 AM
Senator_Elegos_A-Kla's Comments:

This was absolutly hilarious! Thanks for the Great read!

Author: X-Imperial
Date posted: 8/22/2001 4:57:59 PM
X-Imperial's Comments:

Good gravy, talk about nuts...
Funny as hell though :)

Author: StormTrooper 09303
Date posted: 9/8/2001 12:10:18 PM
StormTrooper 09303's Comments:

I loved it! Excellent portayal of the charecters! I loved the comments from The Emperor! My parents on the other side of the house thought I was drugged up on something I was laughing so hard! And don't forget, many Bothans died to bring you this information. ^_^

Author: lt_kettch
Date posted: 9/21/2001 4:20:59 AM
lt_kettch's Comments:

I thought this story was hilarious! It was very well written, and I agree with everyone who thinks that Nom Anor should have won. His thinly veiled threats were wonderful.

::laugh:: I sent all of my friends a link to the sight.

Author: Sitara
Date posted: 11/2/2001 8:52:45 PM
Sitara's Comments:

LOL very good. I hope you write a sequel, set sometime during the Vong invasion, but with the same candidates. a very good laugh. the Maul lines were especially funny.
*That Hideous Freak*
*Maybe it is you who is the freak*
*He will find your lost...*

Author: Virago
Date posted: 11/12/2001 1:13:19 PM
Virago's Comments:

Now this was very funny and interesting.
I just laughed like a maniac on "Many Bothans have died..."

But my favourite line is
"He will find your lost campaign funds."

Author: Republic Credit
Date posted: 12/22/2001 7:22:55 PM
Republic Credit's Comments:

Wheeeell, Iah don nuuuoow 'bout yuuuu ::hiccup::, but Iah'm drunk oon Corescant Coooola.....tooo ::hic:: many cooomercials.....HEEE hee..iahm fliiing!

Any way, loved the X-tremely hilarious debate, especially the puns of Palpatine's earlier lines.
Great Job Jeff

Author: Corran-sec
Date posted: 1/2/2002 12:59:34 PM
Corran-sec's Comments:

Hohohohoheheheheha ect. this was hilarious!. I think nom anor should have 1 but it was ace.

The great Jedi Savior/Shorty whiteSabre/SuperSexyX-wingJockey/MeanGreenSmugglerArrestingMachine/Corran-sec

p.s i liked the sands of time.

Author: Elite Guard  (signed)
Date posted: 1/13/2002 7:21:53 AM
Elite Guard's Comments:

LOL great campaign!! Anor is the best!!

Author: Fett48  (signed)
Date posted: 3/29/2002 8:29:35 AM
Fett48's Comments:

Worthy of a 15!!!!! Excellent! This screams a sequel, since Palpatine won. You could have the others petitioning for recounts while Palpatine exterminates the Jedi again -- not to mention anyone that voted against him.

Author: Cpt.CHorn  (signed)
Date posted: 5/3/2002 9:12:03 AM
Cpt.CHorn's Comments:

Wow, that was great. And you have to like the ending. Palpatine may be evil, but that's better than a bumbling idiot or someone that's too good.

Author: J_K_DART
Date posted: 5/13/2002 4:37:32 PM
J_K_DART's Comments:

Hilarious! If UK elections were like this, we wouldn't have any problems with low voter turnouts!

Author: Mar17swgirl  (signed)
Date posted: 5/26/2002 8:56:51 AM
Mar17swgirl's Comments:

Palpatine: This is my Minister of Finance, Darth Maul.

cue ominous music

Palpatine: He will find your lost campaign funds.

ROTFLMAO!!!! This story was absolutely hilarious! Great job. Sooo funny... *cracks up again*

Author: rebadams7
Date posted: 5/31/2002 7:21:14 AM
rebadams7's Comments:

LOLOLO as an actual candidate I can validate the accuracy of the trancript!

Author: R2DTom
Date posted: 5/31/2002 5:28:53 PM
R2DTom's Comments:

It was kind of cheesy.

Author: Viari Skywalker  (signed)
Date posted: 6/6/2002 10:08:15 AM
Viari Skywalker's Comments:

I liked it:-)

Author: Jedi_Kara  (signed)
Date posted: 6/26/2002 3:57:36 PM
Jedi_Kara's Comments:

I loved this. It's very funny!!

Author: Cicera Capelli  (signed)
Date posted: 7/9/2002 10:50:10 AM
Cicera Capelli's Comments:

Oh my gosh! That was the funniest thing since "Lilo and Stitch" (Sorry, I thought that was funny as heck, too but anyhoo...). I love anything that plays up the core-evilness of the Emperor. Anor's little cryptic references were hilarious too. Heck, even Mon Mothma was funny when she got mad at Anor for saying she had uh... business meeting... with uh... Ackbar (lol). I actually had to get out of my chair on the "I didn't inhale" thing (cause I would have fallen over had I not). Gosh I'm gonna tell my friends about this one. BTW the cover art is cool too.

Author: JediMaster41582
Date posted: 8/15/2002 5:50:57 PM
JediMaster41582's Comments:

Hilarious! I really liked how you made each character pathetic in their own way. Palpatine acted sooo evil while not trying to hide it. Mothma was in my opinion, too perfect and angelic and Nom Anor was just plain stupid. Anyway, great story. Because many bothans died: he he he :0

Author: Bant428  (signed)
Date posted: 8/30/2002 3:38:35 PM
Bant428's Comments:

Fhun-EEEEEEEEE!!!!! Loved it (especially the commercials!)

Author: Silverfirexz
Date posted: 9/24/2002 6:44:34 PM
Silverfirexz's Comments:

You will vote for Palpatine.
You will vote for Palpatine.
You will vote for Palpatine.


Old Sith Mind Trick: IF you repeat it enough, you will pound it into the head of your, and they will do what you say...
Jedi Mind Tricks are soo much simpler :)

Anyhow, loved the story

Author: galadrielskywalker
Date posted: 9/24/2002 9:01:29 PM
galadrielskywalker's Comments:

so funny,I giggled for a week every time I remembered it.

Author: Star Warz Phreak
Date posted: 10/9/2002 3:47:00 AM
Star Warz Phreak's Comments:

Very good and VERY funny! I love how you did Nom Anor (I like anything that'll make the Vong look bad). And the commercials were funny to. Pretty neat idea. I think it would be cool if you made somethin else like this.

Author: Mekboy
Date posted: 11/3/2002 10:00:53 AM
Mekboy's Comments:

Amusing, but fairly cheesy and repetative. I don't know how you guys all found it so 'laugh out loud hilarious'

Author: Nova
Date posted: 11/7/2002 8:46:15 AM
Nova's Comments:

Very, very funny. The whole deal with Maul had me doubled up with laughter. I also loved Nom Anor's opening comment about the droid. He kept trying so hard not to give anything away! Mothma was in character (well, for a comedy, anyway) and Palpatine was thoroughly Palpatinish. Funny right down the the commercials.

Many Bothans died to bring you this information.

Author: Azza
Date posted: 12/5/2002 2:10:14 PM
Azza's Comments:


Author: Glo Scribs  (signed)
Date posted: 3/5/2003 1:10:19 PM
Glo Scribs's Comments:

VERY FUNNY! I laugh every time I read it!

Author: Chickenman_Unlimited  (signed)
Date posted: 4/3/2003 4:43:53 PM
Chickenman_Unlimited's Comments:

One of the funniest star wars I've ever read. Good job.

Author: Chickenman_Unlimited  (signed)
Date posted: 4/3/2003 4:44:18 PM
Chickenman_Unlimited's Comments:

One of the funniest star wars spoofs I've ever read. Good job.

Author: sashask8ter
Date posted: 4/19/2003 9:02:30 PM
sashask8ter's Comments:

This is sooooooooo funny. You should make a sequal, the next election, and have Padme run! (Jut an idea, at the end you can make someone else win, but it doesn't count cuz Palpatine makes new elections illegal under his prezidecy) :)

Author: .........................V
Date posted: 5/30/2003 11:38:31 AM
.........................V's Comments:


I hav vinished now

Author: Haris
Date posted: 5/30/2003 9:53:08 PM
Haris's Comments:

I think this campaign story was really funny. I cracked up really bad several times while reading it. Personally, I think the evil characters are definitely cooler, so I had a hard time thinking about who I would vote for, Palpatine or Anor. But in the end, being a stormtrooper fan, my vote would have to go to the Emperor and his assistant Darth Maul.

Author: Darth_Pepsi
Date posted: 7/2/2003 9:38:29 PM
Darth_Pepsi's Comments:

OH MY GOSH!!!!! That was GREAT!!!!!
I loved Nom Anor, and Palpy!!!!!
Coruscant Cola... EWWW!!!!! HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!

Author: Chewi333
Date posted: 7/4/2003 6:32:12 AM
Chewi333's Comments:

Great story.Good punch lines and I especially liked liked Nom Anor's hints about the Vong invasion

Author: Nicole Skywalker
Date posted: 7/10/2003 11:09:08 AM
Nicole Skywalker's Comments:

This was a great story, I loved it. Especially the Mothma campaign commercial; Many Bothans have died to bring you this information.

Author: Fleet Admiral of the13th
Date posted: 9/11/2003 6:16:33 PM
Fleet Admiral of the13th's Comments:

That was great! Absolutely hilarious! Palpatine all the way!

Author: Count Boobu
Date posted: 10/5/2003 11:40:47 PM
Count Boobu's Comments:

If there is a sequel, I guess it would be about a recall election :P.

Author: Thuku  (signed)
Date posted: 10/13/2003 9:05:28 PM
Thuku's Comments:

Haha. That was great. I love your work here.

Author: The Stormtrooper Shrink  (signed)
Date posted: 2/15/2004 6:01:53 PM
The Stormtrooper Shrink's Comments:

*SNORT!!! Spill drink all over self...*

Marvellous! Genius! I loved all of Nom Anor's little hints and evasions - they were so, so funny!

And the Emperor's reference to Mara Jade being traitorous scum... Ha ha ha!...

Author: Shidakis
Date posted: 8/1/2004 4:35:19 PM
Shidakis's Comments:

*falls off chair laughing* Now all you need is a sequal called 'Hanging Chad' in which the emperor hangs a guy named chad. MWUA-HA-HA!!!!!

Then, they can cut back funding for every useful project/program/agency, invade several planets for spice, and prosecute people for wearing tunics reading 'Don't blame me, I voted for the other one.'

*is still cracking up*

Author: alex
Date posted: 10/1/2004 3:11:34 PM
alex's Comments:

how do you become a lilo and stitch fan fiction writer please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1.and your lilo and stitch fanfiction is great.

Author: deadofnight
Date posted: 4/28/2005 9:08:22 AM
deadofnight's Comments:

my nickname is dead of night. However, it looks like I am not going to die of night, but of laughter. Wonderful story!

Author: J-42's Cousin
Date posted: 5/18/2005 2:05:38 PM
J-42's Cousin's Comments:

This was by far one of the best done and humorous fan fics in a long time. I loved it! Even the commercials had a touch of humor! Although I do have to say I would have prefered Nom Anor to have won, the end was still funny! Good job Jake!

Author: doinchi  (signed)
Date posted: 7/29/2005 7:22:03 PM
doinchi's Comments:

I love the part "many bothans have died...." It was hilarious! Good idea on the debate!

Author: joe7049
Date posted: 12/24/2005 11:45:04 PM
joe7049's Comments:

One word: FanFilm!

Author: Aroihkin
Date posted: 10/1/2006 7:47:52 PM
Aroihkin's Comments:

That's awesome. XD

Author: Shuro
Date posted: 2/26/2007 2:44:11 PM
Shuro's Comments:

DUDE THAT IS UNBELIEVABLY GREAT!!!!! dude i swear i almost hit my head laughing 5 times!!!!

Author: Magus
Date posted: 4/13/2008 9:23:39 PM
Magus's Comments:

Man, this was a great fic! I wish Nom had won, but this was still great! You should definately make a sequal to this, where Palpatine is campaining to get re-elected. Again, great fic!

Author: Sidi
Date posted: 7/21/2008 7:13:47 AM
Sidi's Comments:

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Wow, that one was unexpectedly hillarious!!! Damn i loved it!! I love Palps ^^

Author: ShadowSpinner
Date posted: 10/14/2008 8:22:30 PM
ShadowSpinner's Comments:

Omg! That was sooooooo funny, I died! Palpatine was the best!

Nom Anor...Pathetic...

Author: Ki-Aaron-Mundi  (signed)
Date posted: 1/31/2009 2:32:47 AM
Ki-Aaron-Mundi's Comments:

One of my all-time favorite fanfics.

You know, it's funny; even though this was written in 2001, I hear the Robot Chicken Emperor's voice when I read Palpatine's lines.

Great work!

Author: Bluejedi
Date posted: 10/1/2009 6:30:50 PM
Bluejedi's Comments:


Author: Me
Date posted: 10/2/2009 7:59:39 PM
Me's Comments:

I love it! that was like the best thing i've read yet!

Author: Lyddy
Date posted: 4/24/2016 6:13:21 PM
Lyddy's Comments:

ChloéC’est en voyant le travail que Marie qui l’idée d’un boudoir a fait son chemin. Pour satisfaire un chéri (coquin!) régulièrement absent pendant de longues périodes, j’ai pensé que c’était une excellente excuse pour se lancer ! Une préparation au top, une photographe et une collaboratrice qui savent mettre à l’aise : la séance pouvait commencer. Le résultat est tout simplement magique. Très impatiente de découvrir la réaction de chéri !!Allez y mesdames ! Le déplacement en vaut (vraiment) la chandelle.Et chut, c’est un secret ma0#8s&23i;j’ai préféré la séance en extérieur

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Archived: Saturday, April 28, 2001

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