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Gungan to the left

You Wouldn't Take my Hand (PG)

By : solojones

Archived on: Friday, April 30, 2004

The fall of Anakin Skywalker was a series of events and progression of years, but it all culminated in a single moment. Obi-Wan Kenobi relives this moment, reflecting on how it had come to that, and regretting his part in it. (No Episode III spoilers, based on speculation only.)

It was your right hand that I reached for. The black glove covered the twisted mass of wires inside, but I knew they were there. They had been since you fought to save me on Geonosis. It was such a foolish thing to do, taking on such a skilled master of the Force. I would have been dead a split second later. What a foolish boy you've always been. Why did you let me live and let us both die for decades? It could have ended then. We could both have been ended, but we were spared, all because you cared.

Your lightsabre had already fallen out of your grip, hitting the seething bottom of the pit with a sickening hiss of scorching metal. And you tumbled after it a split second later. Your body fell, but your hand was in reach. Only a hair's breadth away, you could have easily grasped my hand with yours. But it was not the hand I had shaken upon first meeting you. Those eyes were not the ones that had looked upon me in admiration, before they began to slowly dull like fading chrome.

Always before, it had worked. When one of us slipped, the other quickly grabbed him by the hand and kept him from falling. It was a lesson we learned when you were still a young man. Who knew it would stay with us in war? It had happened many times - you had taken my hand and I yours. You said I was like your father, and I never answered. I thought the gesture was enough. It was something deeper, a symbol of having given one's life to another. This had been my life for thirteen years. You knew that. I thought you knew. Why couldn't I just have said it?

Everything happened in an instant. One sharp breath escaped my lungs as I stretched out my hand, fingers spread open, reaching. The gap was only a finger's width, and yet it was light years. There was no way to connect. A rift had severed the air between us. It had happened before that. It had started from the beginning. At first I tried to fix it by changing you, but it only made things worse. So I ignored it. I never thought to change myself. I was above being wrong. All those times I'd taken your hand, none were the same as the first time, before we had time to say anything. Before we could stumble and make mistakes. Before we had neglected to say so many things. I know it now, now that it's too late.

We had fought with every ounce of strength in our bodies. Every pent up emotion and unspoken tension flowed forth and clashed like two tidal waves. Neither could break through the other. The walls of water were built from years of pride, bitterness, and mistrust. Their clashing produced nothing more than a futile spray of mist in the air. It may have looked spectacular, but it accomplished nothing. Nothing would change. I saw it on your face. It must have been written on mine, too. There could only be one end - would it be yours or mine?

Yet it wasn't relief I felt as I finally shoved you over the edge. There was no triumph. I only saw you falling and remembered all those times I had helped you off the ground after a haphazard tumble. My calloused hands matched my heart, but in my mind I knew what I wouldn't admit - you were wearing the roughness away. It was a bond I had decided I wouldn't allow myself to have ever again. I knew what it felt like to have it suddenly taken away. But there it was nonetheless. I had become so skilled at denying it, but now I didn't want to. I only wanted to grasp your hand again and pick you up off the ground. I'd admonish your mistake, and you'd acknowledge it. This would be a hard-learned lesson, but we would go on. We'd go back.

We could never go back. Now I see that it was already destined for what it's become. We are both imprisoned in our own minds; yours, full of hate for the things stripped from you by the whirlwind of life, which I now know I helped fan; mine, filled with a million cries and curses of agony from those I left to die. Then, I couldn't see it. I could only see the thing I had dedicated my life to, the one person I had come to care about, slipping into the abysmal fires below. The hate no longer mattered, nor all the stinging words. If I could have pulled you up, everything would have started again. We could have forgotten the past. We could both have changed.

Only a centimetre separated you from your chance at redemption. You could have saved yourself from the tortuous agony of the engulfing hell you fell into. The spiteful words would have been forgiven, even though I know you meant them. Though your mind had been poisoned against me, I still saw the truth in what you said. It was like being lashed with a thorn-laden branch. But those things heal. I had already forgiven you the instant I saw you fall. What really broke me in two and continues to haunt my daily thoughts isn't what you did or said. It was only what you didn't do that drove into my mind your complete rejection of everything I had tried to be to you. You wouldn't take my hand. It was then that I realised I had lost you forever.

Original cover by solojones. HTML formatting copyright 2004 TheForce.Net LLC.

Fan Fiction Rating

Current Rating is 8.86 in 258 total ratings.

Reader Comments

Add a comment about this Fan Fiction

Author: Jack90Cool
Date posted: 5/1/2004 6:41:38 AM
Jack90Cool's Comments:

Wow, first to comment...

Well, It certinally gives us a peek into what might happen in or around the time of Ep III. Amazingly well written, props to the author. I'd ask for a sequel, but this story seems kind of complete. Good job. (cover art rocks too!)

Author: Hermione Organa
Date posted: 5/1/2004 9:30:27 AM
Hermione Organa's Comments:

I new this one would get in! :) Good job!

Author: Hyzen Dewfang
Date posted: 5/1/2004 1:02:53 PM
Hyzen Dewfang's Comments:

Waaaaaaah! That was so sad! You really captured Obi-Wan's emotions. I am at a loss for words, so all I can say is that I look forward to reading more from you.

Author: solojones  (signed)
Date posted: 5/1/2004 6:10:14 PM
solojones's Comments:

Thanks for the reviews, everyone! This is my first archived fic and it really means a lot to me to have anyone reading at all. I'm glad the fic struck at least some chord in you guys :)

Author: MutantJediBouer  (signed)
Date posted: 5/2/2004 9:48:11 AM
MutantJediBouer's Comments:

Wow, I am pleased to say I had the pleasure of Beta-ing this one. Awesome, write more! You are a really good writer!

Author: jedi_michele
Date posted: 5/2/2004 10:17:08 AM
jedi_michele's Comments:

normally i don't read the fan fic, but this one... it was different. very moving piece. mtfbwy -a.

Author: Xanatos90  (signed)
Date posted: 5/2/2004 12:51:37 PM
Xanatos90's Comments:

If his lightsaber "fell to the bottom of the pit with a hiss of scorching metal", how does Luke recieve it in Ep. 4?

Author: Xanatos90  (signed)
Date posted: 5/2/2004 12:51:42 PM
Xanatos90's Comments:

If his lightsaber "fell to the bottom of the pit with a hiss of scorching metal", how does Luke recieve it in Ep. 4?

Author: Jedi Knight Safira Felan
Date posted: 5/2/2004 5:49:11 PM
Jedi Knight Safira Felan's Comments:

Amazing. I loved it. And it could have been a different lightsaber that fell into the pit...he might have already built himself a red one. (Just in reply to the comment someone made about that)

Author: solojones  (signed)
Date posted: 5/2/2004 8:33:08 PM
solojones's Comments:

Yes, I was assuming the one Anakin was fighting with was a red one and the blue one was an older one. Anyway, I'm glad you liked the story Safira :)

Author: Vim Sregor
Date posted: 5/2/2004 10:20:35 PM
Vim Sregor's Comments:

So sad and moving...I'm at a loss for words.

Author: Lord Maul
Date posted: 5/3/2004 5:23:47 AM
Lord Maul's Comments:

Whoa... that was amazing! And only your first??? You really should write some more. Keep up the good work!

Author: cwrujedi
Date posted: 5/3/2004 10:32:26 AM
cwrujedi's Comments:

Gave me chills! Great!

Author: lee
Date posted: 5/3/2004 10:42:15 AM
lee's Comments:

goose bumps it gave me. yes! Sadness at the loss of a friend but hapiness at the release of his hate.

Author: D Maul
Date posted: 5/3/2004 10:52:04 AM
D Maul's Comments:

Very nice work. I've often felt that SW Universe needs more of this introspective type of writing. It really helps to cut the the heart and soul of the characters to know what they feel and why they do the things they do. I think we caught glimpses of that in the OT, which the prequels have been lacking. If a picture is worth a thousand words, I really, really hope that EP. III is full of pictures of Obi-Wan and Anakin's relationship that can tell the story as beautifully and elegantly as this fan fic. Well done.

Author: thefall15
Date posted: 5/3/2004 2:12:49 PM
thefall15's Comments:

WOW! That was amazing you are an astonishing writer. Keep up the good work.

Author: Liz-Liz Binks
Date posted: 5/3/2004 3:58:43 PM
Liz-Liz Binks's Comments:

That was awesome! It was written well, and coming from another author (not like anyone would read my stories or anything - LOL),I would give you an A+! Keep up the great work!

Author: Max
Date posted: 5/3/2004 4:01:26 PM
Max's Comments:

My friend had me check this one out because he thought it was so great. He was right.

Author: Nade_Naberrie  (signed)
Date posted: 5/3/2004 4:39:31 PM
Nade_Naberrie's Comments:

Excellent work! This introspection did strike a chord, as I'm sure "the scene" will in Episode III. The Obi-Wan/Anakin relationship and characterizations were quintessential- the best I've seen in quite awhile. Please, please keep writing!

Author: EliteJediPilot
Date posted: 5/3/2004 5:33:02 PM
EliteJediPilot's Comments:

Excellent. What else can I say? Excellent. Excellent. I enjoyed it down to the very last period. Well done!

Author: Sith in Sombrero
Date posted: 5/3/2004 5:35:20 PM
Sith in Sombrero's Comments:

utterly amazing. Among the best Star Wars stories I've ever read.

Author: solojones  (signed)
Date posted: 5/3/2004 6:01:40 PM
solojones's Comments:

I'm completely and utterly flattered by these comments. You really have no idea how great it makes me feel or how much I needed it at this point in my writing... I'm sorry I don't currently have any other fics up, they're still in the works. But if you're really motivated, you can check them out at Thank you so very much for the compliments.

Author: eddie-wan-kenobi
Date posted: 5/3/2004 6:23:33 PM
eddie-wan-kenobi's Comments:

Excellent fic. You did a great job of storytelling without adding spoilers to the piece. I think Obi-Wan will indeed be haunted by what happens to Anakin for a very long time.

Author: leiagirl86
Date posted: 5/3/2004 10:02:22 PM
leiagirl86's Comments:

Wow, excellent i can't think of a fan-fic that i have enjoyed as mucj as this . It is really great the way you showed Obi-wan haunted by the fact that he could of saved anakin before but didn't.

Author: Auntie
Date posted: 5/4/2004 12:44:45 AM
Auntie's Comments:

I got spine tingles. This was the best fanfic I've ever read. Simply perfect.

Author: lhasgalen
Date posted: 5/4/2004 10:17:27 AM
lhasgalen's Comments:

An enjoyable read. Well done.

Author: JabbaJabbaDoo
Date posted: 5/4/2004 11:38:09 AM
JabbaJabbaDoo's Comments:

Good Job! Best Fan Fiction I have read.

Author: Darth_Bane
Date posted: 5/4/2004 12:12:54 PM
Darth_Bane's Comments:

Wow I can just see Obi-Wan sitting by the edge of a volcanic mountain tear filled eyes thinking this as Anakin fell to his doom....
It's really sad to think about.After coming to see and relate with the characters in this movie that things take such a terrible turn.
I'll try not to cry at the movie!

Author: Cody Blevins
Date posted: 5/4/2004 12:51:20 PM
Cody Blevins's Comments:

It was not exactly clear what storie you were talking about at first. As the story moved along it clearified a bit. About the lightsaber the one he uses in episode 3 in the battle will probably be red. The blue one he probably threw at Obi-Wan when he went to the darkside.

Author: NateDogX
Date posted: 5/4/2004 1:34:47 PM
NateDogX's Comments:

Really amazing written, the first fan fic that I have ever read on this site and now I'd like to go read more in the hope that I can find more like this one. Great writing, excellent job.

Author: Angeleyes
Date posted: 5/5/2004 6:51:00 AM
Angeleyes's Comments:

I've read a lot the fan fic stories and I must say you all are great writers. It's amazing how you all can put together a great story. You all are true SW fans. My hats of to you for such a excellent story and for all the others that have continued to feed us of stories of our favorite characters.

Author: Angeleyes
Date posted: 5/5/2004 6:54:21 AM
Angeleyes's Comments:

I've read a lot the fan fic stories and I must say you all are great writers. It's amazing how you all can put together a great story. You all are true SW fans. My hats of to you for such a excellent story and for all the others that have continued to feed us of stories of our favorite characters.

Author: WorldWideWriters
Date posted: 5/5/2004 8:56:01 AM
WorldWideWriters's Comments:

I'm illiterate and I still loved this small peice of writing. The passage has so much more to do with real life thoughts that we find from caring for another than a fictional mella drama. I see great potential in any young writer who can display a personal emotion and tell it in a way that makes it reflective and personal for the readers. Great job keep writing from the hart and mind. I hope Lucas does this fic and his fans justice.

P.S. this is the first fic i've ever read, it won't be the last.

Author: Rourke
Date posted: 5/5/2004 9:13:08 AM
Rourke's Comments:

I have to say that I thought it was terrible. The pace of the text is funereal and removes from the pathos of the moment by elongating it. There is an overemphasis on metaphor that detracts from the actual content without adding depth. The thoughts of Obi-wan also seem rather to be the words of a lover to a spurned partner rather than a master and apprentice relationship.

Subtlety is the key and unfortunately this is melodrama. Sorry to be negative but that's the way I read it...

Author: Darth Xanatos
Date posted: 5/5/2004 1:33:25 PM
Darth Xanatos's Comments:

I know what its like to be lost to the Dark Side. Forever it will control my destiny. But, this story brings me a hope of light.

"Sometimes even a small hope is enough to defeat the Dark Side."

-Luke Skywalker

Author: jimbo
Date posted: 5/5/2004 4:31:34 PM
jimbo's Comments:

Well i thought it was a piece of %$#&.. LOL!!! just kidding it was great man just all these positive reviews i had to throw something negative out there. it was very enjoyable keep it up.
oh and what the mess was u thinking ROURKE it was great!!!!

Author: Darth Viridian
Date posted: 5/5/2004 8:18:48 PM
Darth Viridian's Comments:

I'm not gonna cry... I'm not gonna cry.... I'm.... not...

That was one of the saddest things I think I've ever read, well writen, poor Obi :(

Author: Obi-Wan Kenobi83
Date posted: 5/6/2004 7:21:27 AM
Obi-Wan Kenobi83's Comments:

I really enjoyed this story solojones. I've read quite a bit of fan-fiction believe me, but very rarely have they gone into depth about how much Obi-Wan cared about Anakin. It's always kind of assumed he cared because of the pain he showed later. I like the fact that your story showed just how a few moments or words between master and apprentice could have dramatically changed things for the better. Great story!

Author: she-elf
Date posted: 5/9/2004 6:54:44 AM
she-elf's Comments:

hello, like the story; I too imagine what will happen...Anakin turns bad that's a fact and he's too proud to accept help and forgiveness...
wrote one myself and it's called 'The Last temptation' SW3; sorry to be forced to ask for your help here...cannot find any clear address as to where to send my fragment...for all fans to read...bear with me, can you help? thanks, keep writing (: Anabell

Author: Solojones
Date posted: 5/9/2004 9:24:25 PM
Solojones's Comments:

I would definitely recommend the fanfiction boards here at TF.n for works in progress or things you just want feedback on before attempting to submit. E-mail me if you want more info on them :)

Author: Anne Marie
Date posted: 5/10/2004 3:24:33 PM
Anne Marie's Comments:

I don't agree with Obi-Wan pushing Anakin in, but otherwise a marvelous story. God bless and write more!!

Author: TrumpetSolo
Date posted: 5/10/2004 5:21:37 PM
TrumpetSolo's Comments:

This was absolutely awesome.

I write, and this is the kind of stuff I really like.

Keep at it, and may the True Force be with you!

Author: Geoffrey Gilbert
Date posted: 5/10/2004 6:18:06 PM
Geoffrey Gilbert's Comments:

Excellent job!Hooked me right to the end!Keep up the good work jedi!

Author: resmos
Date posted: 5/11/2004 2:48:53 PM
resmos's Comments:

excellent piece of work. you should do another from vader's perspective.

Author: Jedimaster Mathias
Date posted: 5/11/2004 7:17:02 PM
Jedimaster Mathias's Comments:

Wow....just, wow.... I hope you've made a career of writing by now.

Author: Nemesis  (signed)
Date posted: 5/12/2004 10:48:00 AM
Nemesis's Comments:

Very good vignette there :)

Nem :D

Author: AKAR
Date posted: 5/13/2004 9:11:07 AM
AKAR's Comments:

It's stories like that that really drive home the depth of the characters. You truely put the reader into Obi Wan. I can feel his pain and sadness as I read. I only hope that EP3 developes the end as well as this. Thanks for the wondeful read.

Author: AmenRa
Date posted: 5/15/2004 8:10:09 PM
AmenRa's Comments:

Impressive. Most impressive.

Author: eric
Date posted: 5/19/2004 3:01:31 PM
eric's Comments:

Amazing. I loved it, short but sweet.

Author: SpiritJedi
Date posted: 5/30/2004 1:05:35 PM
SpiritJedi's Comments:

Not bad, but ultimately falls short. The narrative bogs down with paragraphs that are too long and sentences that just don't sound like they came from the character of Obi-Wan.

When crafting a piece like this, it's best to keep early paragraphs short and to the point. The first paragraphs in this story cover far too many topics and don't leave the reader empassioned for the next paragraph.

Author: Nom Inal
Date posted: 6/17/2004 6:45:59 AM
Nom Inal's Comments:

Masterfully written. You actually inspired me to try my own hand at a short story. The quality of your work will continue to be my goal.

Author: Kehj-Et Boiken
Date posted: 7/1/2004 8:15:53 PM
Kehj-Et Boiken's Comments:

Okay, that is really weird...really, really weird. That is EXACTLY how I imagine it. Every time I thought about it, it depressed me. Well, now that I see my theory in words it makes me more depressed. Wonderful job on it! Very descriptive and emotional. Almost had me cryin' there...

Author: Arren Terrillon
Date posted: 8/4/2004 11:04:06 AM
Arren Terrillon's Comments:

just one thing: *tear*
good job

Author: Master Mar'isu
Date posted: 3/24/2005 12:19:02 PM
Master Mar'isu's Comments:

OMG, that was beautiful, perfect angst keep writing!!

Author: vanessa
Date posted: 4/10/2005 6:15:28 PM
vanessa's Comments:

i think you describe quite good obi wan's feelings something that maybe we'll never see it's very good I look forward to see moore or your job!!!!!:)

Author: CJ
Date posted: 8/1/2005 8:22:40 AM
CJ's Comments:

I really like to read the introspective writings. I think it sounded very much like Obi-wan's thoughts. You could see he was always reserved. You imagine that he was actually very young when his master died and he had to take on an untrained older Padawan. I am sure he felt he had to hold back and be more mature and stern in order to get Anakin's respect and to hide some of his own doubts. I just don't want to think that he would have pushed Anakin in. The guy that said that said the emotion sounded more like a lover has obviously never had a close relationship with a parent or a sibling. I think it sounded very real. Keep up the good work!

Author: Anakin's-Angel359
Date posted: 9/27/2005 1:19:38 AM
Anakin's-Angel359's Comments:

hey! I just sent you an e-mail, so check it, and now i'm staying true to my word. This story is truely Amazing! I love it so much! The fact that anyone can get all that down into words is just incredible! You are amazing and you have all my respect and kudos! I have to say, my favorite part was the end when he said "I had already forgiven you when you fell..." That whole paragraph broke my heart. it was awesome! keep it up! Hope to see more!


p.s. still fell bad about what happened.

Author: OwenFreakingKosik
Date posted: 7/3/2006 4:11:41 PM
OwenFreakingKosik's Comments:

wow. this is going to sound cheesy, but that was beautiful

Author: SugarBant Jinn  (signed)
Date posted: 2/13/2007 8:47:40 PM
SugarBant Jinn's Comments:

you had me in tears! omg! that was SOO sad! you portrayed Obi-Wans' thoughts and emotions beautifully. I loved it.

Author: PadawanStarwalker
Date posted: 6/13/2008 1:07:41 PM
PadawanStarwalker's Comments:

That kinda gave me a weirdo feeling in my stomach. It was like a pit had been dug in my belly. You have talent!

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Archived: Friday, April 30, 2004

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