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Gungan to the left

Within a Room Somewhere (PG)

By : LianaMara

Archived on: Monday, April 18, 2005

Anakin rebuilds himself into a monster.

I am broken,
slipping through my fingers
spiraling into an abyss,
into a world without
without sanity -
passing sense
and honor
and right
and wrong -

where is my brain?
is that it
lying on the table?
the surgeon's blade approaches-
sharp -
quick reconstruction -
merciless -
and something is

the world burns in my eyes
a holodrama in faded hues -
I see myself . . .
and yet I don't . . .
that can't be my body

I was young

did he steal that too?
was he the one
who unraveled the seams
binding mind to soul?
a pity, really
destroying his own handiwork

another stab
keener, deeper
they extract my morals
snipping loose wires
then searching
for something
to fill their place

lust perhaps?
no, too fickle -
never content with the present,
always looking for improvements -
power is solid enough
hard enough -
just one push and it's in
all gaps filled - except one
a tiny hole, really
it'll never do harm
unless -
unless -

oh Mama, it hurts
I can't handle the pain
stop them
please, Mama, make them leave
where have you gone?
I need you
I want you
close beside me
comforting, calming
please chase these monsters away
I don't understand why they're here
such agony
save me, protect me
oh, please -

the knife strikes again
probing for weakness - what more needs to go?
ah - compassion -
sympathy for others is
a waste of energy
I feel a twinge, but only that
fast procedure -
drop it in the garbage before I begin to miss
those feelings

those feelings
so sweet -
life was so much brighter
when others cared
happier too, perhaps
in those days

all false
it can't be so
they hated me all along
envy drove them to desperation
and they attacked me,
stole my gifts
yes, they tried to murder -

oh Mama, it hurts
I can't handle the pain
stop them
please, Mama, make them leave
where have you gone?
I need you
I want you
close beside me
comforting, calming
please chase these monsters away -

something new arrives
control, the label reads
it will fit
so load it in
cram it amidst soft tissue
hardwire it to power's demands
but something else must go -
they poke
and find

what garbage -
victims die, murderers go free
the truth lies
deception wins -
they tug it out,
cause groans of pain
but I don't care -
then it's gone
tossed into the darkness of the night
to search for another -
a new owner -
while strength takes its place
strength that will never falter,
never fail,
protection against emotions-
brute, fierce, invincible -

oh Mama, it hurts
I can't handle the pain
stop them
please, Mama, make them leave
where have you gone?
I need you -

something remains
blocking perfection
floating past all attacks -


love so swift,
folding itself into tiny crevices
hidden from vicious scalpels
so box it in
wall it up between hatred and anger
a mighty containment center
yet not as great as I hoped
cracks remain
tiny openings for possible escapes -

but it doesn't move
is that resignation in its inactivity?
it is controlled,
bound by vehement force
raw, unrestrained
more power than I can wield -

oh yes, Mama
come save me now
you never answered -
you thought you followed the truth
poor fool
I helped myself
a reconstruction of broken dreams

and here I stand -
terrifying -
terrible -
who needs you
and your circle of error?

I've found true might,
the true Force -
darkness -
on my own.

Original cover design by LianaMara. HTML formatting copyright 2005 TheForce.Net LLC.

Fan Fiction Rating

Current Rating is 8.51 in 83 total ratings.

Reader Comments

Add a comment about this Fan Fiction

Author: elvenjedi1303
Date posted: 4/18/2005 8:24:37 PM
elvenjedi1303's Comments:

Kewl!!!!!!! I'm the first person to comment!!! I really liked it. It was a little confusing at some points but all in all I liked. we need more fan fiction poems.

Author: DarthIshtar  (signed)
Date posted: 4/18/2005 10:51:35 PM
DarthIshtar's Comments:

I loved the dissection into parts that were useless, such as compassion. The visual and rhythmic structure of it was very effective.

Author: obaona  (signed)
Date posted: 4/19/2005 1:27:00 AM
obaona's Comments:

Creepy and horrifying. The way you cut the words and phrases is just amazing, adding so much. The imagery of those parts of Anakin being surgically taken away ... so appropriate, and so horrifying, as it should be, with what Vader is. This certainly doesn't shy away from the monster that Vader must be, must become. I love best how everything connects, from Anakin to his mother to Vader, and even to those last bits of love he can't quite eradicate. Your choice of words is so precise - resigned, motionless. Very moving.

Author: isola-jedi-padawan  (signed)
Date posted: 4/19/2005 9:01:01 AM
isola-jedi-padawan's Comments:

That was soo creepy. It was good the way you got him calling to his Mother at first and then at the end he scorns her. It just shows how much he changes.

Author: me_luv_darth_squishy
Date posted: 4/19/2005 5:47:50 PM
me_luv_darth_squishy's Comments:

k00l...kinda the way i lyk 2 write poetry...freaky and scary and...dark...mama...please save me...


Author: Dooku_Hater23
Date posted: 4/25/2005 4:17:21 AM
Dooku_Hater23's Comments:

My Favorite Fanfic! I give it a grade of 110% Keep up the good work!

Author: VaderLVR64  (signed)
Date posted: 4/25/2005 3:17:04 PM
VaderLVR64's Comments:

Oh wow! Incredibly powerful! Beautifully written and just amazing!

Author: Darth Ravenous
Date posted: 4/26/2005 5:07:01 PM
Darth Ravenous's Comments:

Very Good! Love the poetic form. Interesting way of puting Anakin losing different feelings. Once again, well done!

Author: Jira
Date posted: 5/10/2005 12:19:59 PM
Jira's Comments:

I loved how you showed how intangible things such as emotions were removed with scapels and other tools used in surgery. My favorite part was about justice and deception--"the truth lies." That part reminded me forcibly about how insidious and deceptive the dark side is. As Dooku said in Dark Rendezvous: "How easily we betray our creatures."
This was thoroughly enjoyable! I hope to read more of your stuff! :)

Author: Heavy Metal Guy
Date posted: 5/10/2005 1:49:06 PM
Heavy Metal Guy's Comments:

Dude, this could be turned into an awesome heavy metal song. Just cut out some verses and..

Author: Jazz_Skywalker
Date posted: 5/10/2005 3:27:28 PM
Jazz_Skywalker's Comments:

Wow! This really reminds me of The Navidson Record in House of Leaves!

Author: Andrea Jade  (signed)
Date posted: 5/11/2005 11:51:41 AM
Andrea Jade's Comments:

Not only the person is fragmented, but the words also. Very insightful and well don.

Author: Haydens_Angel
Date posted: 5/20/2005 6:58:46 PM
Haydens_Angel's Comments:

That was soooo awesome!! I love the way you wrote this story -- In a poem form!! Keep up the great job!! .... And please write more like this one! :):)

Author: Dark Empress
Date posted: 5/22/2005 5:35:13 PM
Dark Empress's Comments:

Very interesting, I like this particular write because it makes Vader/Anakin sound more in conflict with himself. A little more human - if you will. The entire write sounds very realistic.

Author: Maya Leia
Date posted: 5/24/2005 2:20:05 PM
Maya Leia's Comments:

Most provocative...on being and becoming.
Bravo! Brava!

Author: Rhaya
Date posted: 5/31/2005 11:45:04 PM
Rhaya's Comments:

Very creepy, I love it.

Author: anakinskywalker9-19
Date posted: 6/1/2005 8:12:28 AM
anakinskywalker9-19's Comments:

Whoa, this the greatest Anakin story/poem I've ever read keep them up. This one gave the chills.

Author: Padme Girl
Date posted: 6/2/2005 8:04:26 AM
Padme Girl's Comments:

I love this... it almost perfectly refelcts the way the new movie goes (I won't reveal anything i case you haven't seen it) it seems so... characteristic of Anakin.... it's sort of sad. Great job on the poem!

Author: 1-800-jedigirl
Date posted: 2/6/2006 1:39:17 PM
1-800-jedigirl's Comments:

youch sorta like a song crazy with a gothicy ting i love it

Author: darth brioni
Date posted: 2/19/2006 8:36:12 PM
darth brioni's Comments:

this is very interesting- your writings flows, yet is very choppy, which is a cool effect- i am impressed, being a fan fic writer myself- i haven't attempted poetic form, and you seem masterful at it, so well done- one of my favorites is the word 'fragmented' broken up at the very beginning- very clever- keep up the good work :)

Author: wanobi
Date posted: 2/19/2006 8:43:40 PM
wanobi's Comments:

way cool- keep up the fab work!!!

Author: briatharen
Date posted: 7/25/2006 11:55:40 PM
briatharen's Comments:

interesting... was the love hidden in dark crevasses what helped him save luke? very well donne!

Author: Louise  (signed)
Date posted: 2/1/2007 11:44:19 AM
Louise's Comments:

wow can't say much more!

Author: Louise  (signed)
Date posted: 2/1/2007 11:44:50 AM
Louise's Comments:

wow can't say much more!

Author: Kalak Ragnose
Date posted: 10/25/2007 1:43:24 PM
Kalak Ragnose's Comments:

Did you get some of your ideas from the 'Tales of the bounty hunters'. It sort of reminds me of Dengars transformation,

Author: Padme Casperia Skywalker
Date posted: 12/31/2007 8:42:33 AM
Padme Casperia Skywalker's Comments:

Wonderful poem! It really made me think of what he thought while he was in the medical reconstruction. I hope to see more stories like these!

Author: Roby
Date posted: 12/5/2011 3:28:44 PM
Roby's Comments:

Yeah that's what I'm tlankig about baby--nice work!

Add a comment about this fan fiction

Comments to LianaMara or post it in the Jedi Council Fanfic Forum.
Archived: Monday, April 18, 2005

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