Select Fan Fiction Stories
Writer's Block, go away!
C3P0 & R2D2

Archive Frontdoor

You are not logged in

Search by:
Latest Entries
Most Hits
Advanced Search
Random Fiction

Plot Bunnies
Writing Tips
Writing Challenges
Recent Polls
Fan Fiction Lexicon
Mailing Lists

Get Archived
Register a Free Account
Style Guide

The People
The Editors
The Reviewers
The Authors
The Beta-Readers
Become a Reviewer

Contact Us
The Editors
The Reviewers
The Beta-Readers
The Artists

Gungan to the left

Weary (PG)

By : obaona

Archived on: Monday, January 20, 2003

Obi-Wan Kenobi makes a decision with great consequences for himself and the galaxy. Warning: This is a depressing story.

The warehouse was not extremely large; it was designed to hold small but fragile cargo. It had been well built, made of steel with a foundation of duracrete. But the years and wars had taken their toll on the building; the duracrete foundation was crumbling, the steel walls were dented and had jagged holes. The most intact part of the building was the slowly deteriorating roof.

At least it keeps the rain out, the man mused. He sat on the floor of the mostly empty building, his black shirt and pants worn but still intact. He clung with rough hands to an old, worn brown robe like it was life itself. Shifting where he sat in a mediation pose, he wrapped the robe around his body, putting his arms through the loose sleeves and pulling it tight.

He gazed up at the roof, where a distant pattering sound could be heard. Little drops of water fell on his face, wetting his shoulder length ginger hair and trailing down unshaved cheeks like tears.

He turned his face down, letting the water fall on his thick hair instead of his face. Weary blue eyes blinked, looking at the stained duracrete floor. He sighed.

Finally, he rose to his feet, shaking unsteadily. His stomach growled, reminding him that he had to go out and find food soon. His cheekbones were clearly visible, his skin drawn and pale. He had been running for a long time on this miserable planet, shifting from location to location. The Empire had come and taken it easily - not that the government officials had put up much of a fight. The Empire settled down in the industrial oriented planet and suddenly he found himself trapped. A Jedi Knight, trapped within the Empire.

He frowned slightly, walking forward among empty boxes, rags from other homeless occupants - now gone - and other debris. He growled as he did not find what he wanted. How could he have just thrown it so carelessly when he came here? His lightsaber was his life. Blue eyes restlessly searched the area.

He closed his eyes for a moment. Then, with a growl of frustration, he kicked a box. Then his hand swept out, knocking over other boxes. Soon, he was kicking and striking out with both hands.

There was the sound of glass shattering when an empty bottle shattered at his touch. Shards of glass flew, striking the man's hands and arms. He hissed, drawing away. The pain told him he would likely have to pick out the shards.

He closed his eyes, making a sound almost like a sob. Quickly, though, self-control returned. He sat down, sighing softly. He gazed at his bloody hands and began picking out the shards.

Blood. The sight seemed to draw his eyes, his attention. Like an arresting fascination. Droplets of red fell down, strangely reminding him of Anakin. Anakin . . . he had had blue eyes. But red - red was more fitting. The color of passion, of hate.

The soft blue, the color of peace and calm, all gone.

Swiftly, he closed his eyes and turned his head away. He should not think of such things. "Come on, Obi-Wan. Get a hold of yourself," he whispered hoarsely, so unused to speaking.

Ignoring the pain in his hands and tiredness of his spirit, Obi-Wan turned back to where had sat. He walked over and slipped again into a meditation pose. It was the only thing that brought him any peace.

Since Anakin's fall.

Vader, he reminded himself. His name was Darth Vader, not Anakin Skywalker. Anakin was dead. It was so much easier to think of it that way. Dead, not turned to the dark.

As he had only a few times, Obi-Wan allowed himself to remember. He remembered the shock he had felt at Anakin's marriage. The sense of betrayal. He accepted that pain, and went on. He remembered how Anakin changed, how helpless he had been to stop it because of the war. He remembered Palpatine, his rise to power and his self-declaration that he would be Emperor. He remembered the fight with Anakin, where he had thought his Padawan dead - only to wish later that he were. He remembered Padme, her belly swollen with pregnancy, going into hiding to have her children. He remembered that with a sense of hope; she was with Yoda. The old Jedi Master, Obi-Wan knew, was more than capable of taking care of the former Senator.

He remembered the bill that was signed that made the very existence of Jedi a crime.

Tears flowed down his cheeks as memories, long repressed, came to the fore. But his eyes snapped open when the Force suddenly screamed to him of danger. It told him that he had to move, and quickly.

He rose to his feet with a grace not apparent before. He stretched out with the Force, seeking the options he had.

There weren't many. Vader was here; he could sense the Sith's presence, a dark malevolent thing that made Obi-Wan feel like he was suffocating. He extended his search, knowing that Vader would not come alone. Yes. There were stormtroopers, their minds alert and focused.

They were focusing on his location. It could only mean one thing; they knew exactly where he was. Which led to another conclusion - this had all been planned out. Vader knew that Obi-Wan would sense his presence, and by extension, that of his trained killers.

Hopelessness pervaded Obi-Wan's body. Turning away from the facts that the Force presented to him, he focused on his physical surroundings.

The smell of garbage. He was living in garbage. Fainter, he could smell the cleanness of rain. Little light came into the warehouse, and the clouds further depleted it. Obi-Wan stared into the shadows.

He looked down, gazing at his bloody hands, the color almost black in the dim light.

He stepped forward, a slight sheen telling where to go. Soft, worn boots hit the floor soundlessly and he crept past boxes without disturbing them, like a ghost. He knelt gracefully and picked up a silver cylinder.

His lightsaber. The familiar grooves and etches were comfortingly familiar; the heavy weight a balm to his soul.

He thought for long moments, his eyes rested on the lightsaber. What would Vader do? How would he kill Obi-Wan? Would they fight first, would Vader take him fairly? He was fairly certain that Vader could defeat him now, his skills honed by killing Jedi; it had been Padawans, at first, then he had graduated to Knights and Masters. He thought of how much Vader hated him, hated him for taking away Padme, hated him for - failing. Hated him for putting him in that horrid, black armor. For making him a monster to his own wife. Would Vader kill him?

Or did he hate Obi-Wan enough to prolong it instead? What if he took Obi-Wan to Palpatine, to show that he had truly turned? What if. Obi-Wan closed his eyes, his grip tightening on his lightsaber until his knuckles were white. He looked ahead in the Force and saw his capture, saw his torture. His begs for mercy.

The Force screamed at him to leave, that danger was coming. The sense of threat became more intense, like the fierceness of battle adrenaline. But Obi-Wan remained eerily calm, steady and unmoving. He didn't hurry, but he did not pause. He hefted the lightsaber, testing its weight. Remembering, letting painful memories fall into the past.

The Force told him to live.

But I don't want to live. He wrapped both hands around the hilt of the lightsaber, and turned it inwards, so the blade would come out into his chest. He pressed the hilt to his chest, directly over his heart, a firm circular weight. He spared a thought for the irony of dying this way - a lightsaber through the chest - the same way his Master had fallen.

His thumb found the ignition switch. He began to press down, moving with inexorable slowness.

It was only an instant of pain. He imagined he could feel it moving through his chest, through his heart - burning. The pain spread throughout his chest, moving swiftly. He felt his muscles relax against his will and unconsciously he braced himself for when he would fall. When he did hit the floor, after an unknowable amount of time, he barely felt it, registering it only as a distant fact.

Then the pain began to fade. A merciful blackness descended, sweeping him away. Finally, he would know the peace of death.

The Force did not allow it. Instead it took him elsewhere, making him an observer to the future. He was bodiless, but he could see.

He saw the sand-ravaged plains of Tatooine. He saw a young, blond boy - so much like Anakin it could only be his son - playing there with tiny model ships, and he watched as an armored figure in unrelenting black approached the boy. Obi-Wan screamed silently, mind shaking in the way of the bodiless. The scream turned to a silent wail of despair as the boy looked up at the man that was his father, curiosity lighting on the youthful face.

The image was burned away.

He soon saw another place. It had rich, green plant life and gently rolling hills. Blue skies stretched down the horizon, cloudless and beautiful in the starkness and completeness of that blue. A young girl with long, dark brown hair and familiar brown eyes played in the thick, high grass. She laughed and twirled in her light pink dress, her braid swinging.

Then he saw it all burning. The ground turned black and crisp and the girl blackened from the inside out. Her tiny mouth opened in an endless scream as the world around her shattered. With that, she was gone, disintegrated into nothingness.

The visions did not stop. He saw the marches of massive armies, he saw people die. He watched as people grew old and the hope faded from their expressive eyes. He saw the glory of once great worlds fade and disappear. He watched as the young boy turned bitter and dark, the emotion spreading. He saw the Sith triumph.

He saw Master Yoda die.

There was anguish now, and regret. Such regret, and a reaching for what he had carelessly thrown away - his life. But it was too late now and it slipped away. Obi-Wan truly knew despair in that moment.

It passed away soon enough. There was nothing but the Force, its ceaseless comfort and its anguish. Its simple existence - and the entity known as Obi-Wan Kenobi faded into it.

The End.

Original cover design by Cosmic. HTML formatting copyright 2003 TheForce.Net LLC.

Fan Fiction Rating

Current Rating is 8.11 in 73 total ratings.

Reader Comments

Add a comment about this Fan Fiction

Author: obaona  (signed)
Date posted: 1/20/2003 9:11:39 PM
obaona's Comments:

*waves hello* Just the author checking in. ;)

I'd like to thank Elli (vader_incarnate) for looking this over and even giving the first part of it to three of her teachers, to any other betas that I might have had (hehehe - I lost the sheet of paper with the names, assuming I had any . . .), and to my readers on the fanfic boards.

To negative comments that will no doubt appear: No, I don't believe that what Obi-Wan does in this would really happen. This story is simply a what-if - what if he *did*? What would happen, what would be the consequences?

To everyone else: Thanks for reading. :)

Author: Lady Padme  (signed)
Date posted: 1/20/2003 9:22:13 PM
Lady Padme's Comments: I've said before in the boards...very well done! You have quite a way with depressing, angsty stories, Oba!

Author: Ladybug  (signed)
Date posted: 1/21/2003 9:06:06 AM
Ladybug's Comments:

What a wonderfully dark story you have written. Wow. Very, very good but you must be in the right mood to read it or you may find yourself looking for a bottle of Prozac. LOL :)

"His name was Darth Vader, not Anakin Skywalker. Anakin was dead. It was so much easier to think of it that way. Dead, not turned to the dark."

I really liked these lines. Your Obi-Wan is so filled with pain. Very realistic considering what had happened. I loved it! :)

Author: FireFighterTahiri239
Date posted: 1/21/2003 5:21:51 PM
FireFighterTahiri239's Comments:

This is so sad! But really good.

Author: Darth Snort  (signed)
Date posted: 1/21/2003 8:06:02 PM
Darth Snort's Comments:

Oh my gosh!! That was so amazing. You truly have a gift Oba. Perfect. An absolutly perfect story. Well done!!

Author: Viari Skywalker  (signed)
Date posted: 1/21/2003 8:10:11 PM
Viari Skywalker's Comments:

Oba, I recognize that vignette! The beginning of Water's Edge, if I'm not mistaken. You've adapted it to true vignette form very well. The descriptions were chilling, especially the visions of Luke and Leia falling to darkness and destruction because Obi-Wan was not there. Truly marvelous AU. (And for anyone who says it couldn't happen -- because I know there are people out there who do -- I say so what? It's AU...that's the beauty of it!)

Yes, Oba, it was depressing, but at the same time your writing is as lovely and smooth as ever. Should we expect to see Water's Edge from you and Elli archived some time in the future? (If you ever post again that is.) *chuckle*

Wonderful job, my friend!


Author: vader-incarnate  (signed)
Date posted: 1/21/2003 10:22:47 PM
vader-incarnate's Comments:

*is still sniffling* Good Force, oba-dearest, my contacts get all blurry every time I read that. And I can't for the life of me understand why I never take my contacts off before reading it, knowing as I do the angst I'd find...

*cues music*

I loved this - as both a vignette and in the other form. My teachers loved it too, trust me. ;-) Reducing them to tears is fun, by the stars, and they didn't even see the version with Luke and Leia and the galaxy falling into darkness. *sniffles again* This is another one of those fics - along with Empress' "Flowers" - where I can be very, VERY happy this didn't happen.

Wonderfully written, as always, oba. :) Beautiful prose and severe angst... and, of course, congratulations on having this third fic in a row archived. :-p Maybe your Padawan was on to something, dearheart, when she accused you of attempting archival domination... though I wouldn't be too displeased to see stories of this quality everywhere I turned. Greatness!

Author: vader-incarnate  (signed)
Date posted: 1/21/2003 10:22:56 PM
vader-incarnate's Comments:

*is still sniffling* Good Force, oba-dearest, my contacts get all blurry every time I read that. And I can't for the life of me understand why I never take my contacts off before reading it, knowing as I do the angst I'd find...

*cues music*

I loved this - as both a vignette and in the other form. My teachers loved it too, trust me. ;-) Reducing them to tears is fun, by the stars, and they didn't even see the version with Luke and Leia and the galaxy falling into darkness. *sniffles again* This is another one of those fics - along with Empress' "Flowers" - where I can be very, VERY happy this didn't happen.

Wonderfully written, as always, oba. :) Beautiful prose and severe angst... and, of course, congratulations on having this third fic in a row archived. :-p Maybe your Padawan was on to something, dearheart, when she accused you of attempting archival domination... though I wouldn't be too displeased to see stories of this quality everywhere I turned. Greatness!

Author: Jeff 42  (signed)
Date posted: 1/21/2003 10:39:56 PM
Jeff 42's Comments:

This was a pretty good story, but I thought that Obi-Wan's action at the end was completely out of character. I'm glad you too think that he wouldn't actually do that, but I feel you could have achieved the goal of showing what would happen if Obi-Wan was gone using a different method.

Author: obawan
Date posted: 1/23/2003 4:46:22 AM
obawan's Comments:

Extremely well written. It's also extremely sad. But at the same time, well written!

Author: Jira
Date posted: 1/24/2003 12:03:26 PM
Jira's Comments:

Hi! *waves*
I remember reading this on the boards. :) I like it then and I like it now! :) It's so sad though!!!! :( *sniffles* What I like most about this story is how you convey Obi-Wan...he was just...I don't know. His whole attitude was perfect. :) I can't explain it...anyway, very great job! (Once again, you never fail to amaze me). :) :) :)

Author: Amidala_Skywalker  (signed)
Date posted: 1/24/2003 11:59:37 PM
Amidala_Skywalker's Comments:

Chilling! Amazing! And I bet there aren’t many people after reading this that didn't need a tub of chocolate ice-cream, mushy movies, and a boyfriend to hold onto. For me that would be a bowl of ice-cream, Stargate SG1 DVDs, and a picture of Richard Dean Anderson. Weird, no?

I really liked this piece. I’m still sticking by the opinion that your other Obi-Wan/Tatooine vignette touched me more. I can’t remember the title of that one, but it’s permanently burnt into my memory. Nevertheless, this AU was a “different take” at what might have happened, and hope could have easily faded. Very sorrowful, with appropriate use of emotion.

Author: Shada  (signed)
Date posted: 1/25/2003 5:53:35 PM
Shada's Comments:


First off, I have to agree with Jeff 42's comment. Obi-Wan's action at the end seems very out-of-character to me. But then again, that's just my pre-conceived, silly notions of a very noble (and handsome) Jedi; don't mind me. ;)

But *very* nicely done. I have to tell you, when I read this piece, I was simply floored. I had to force myself to put it away and then lift my jaw back up from off the floor. Let me say that you are quite adept at conveying the emotions of your characters--Obi-Wan, especially in this case. Wow. lol...I don't know what else to say. :)

Author: Jedi Dax Jentor
Date posted: 1/27/2003 11:32:48 AM
Jedi Dax Jentor's Comments:

Extremely depressing. But very well written and interesting to see. Obi Wan mattered a lot in the galaxy. I only wish you had taken us deeper into what may have been. Instead of a few sentences, how about a few paragraphs on the world without Obi Wan.

Author: JediPug1  (signed)
Date posted: 1/28/2003 8:30:32 PM
JediPug1's Comments:

Very sad, but also very plausible. Thank goodness Obi-Wan never did that, but to think of what would have happened if he did...makes me shudder! Great job!

Author: Jedi Knight Safira Felan
Date posted: 1/31/2003 6:53:12 PM
Jedi Knight Safira Felan's Comments:

That was a great story. You did a great job portraying Obi-Wan's emotions. It was very sad though. Thank the Force he didn't really choose that path!

Author: Zam Flamer
Date posted: 2/3/2003 7:02:27 PM
Zam Flamer's Comments:

Wow!!! This is an amazing story! You truly are a gifted writer, although I admit that I would have prefered to have read a battle scene at the end between Vader and Obi-wan. It doesn't matter, this is a wonderful story! Congrats!

Author: Siri Ruane
Date posted: 2/8/2003 5:40:28 AM
Siri Ruane's Comments:

Very well done Oba! I love it again!

Author: SudenKäpälä  (signed)
Date posted: 2/9/2003 7:20:36 AM
SudenKäpälä's Comments:

Hmmmm, a very nice little tale! And as Obi-Wan is one of my faves, quite sad to read. But as i also am into angst exploration, i could very much appreciate it! well-writen and conceived... but perhaps, indeed, i would have liked to see more of what the universe would have been like, without good ole Obi. Yet the limited way you have incorporated those ideas in Obi's vision, was inherent to the story. So please accept my salutations!

Author: Jedi_Onion14  (signed)
Date posted: 2/21/2003 6:33:09 PM
Jedi_Onion14's Comments:

very good. for some reason i like it because he dies at the end. i like storys like that.even though he is my favorite caracter, creepy is it?
I hope you keep writing storys like's like giving my imagination an acid trip! LOL

Author: Jenos  (signed)
Date posted: 3/13/2003 3:19:11 AM
Jenos's Comments:

Wow...I've read this so many times (that comes with betaing it), but still it is a brilliant piece of writing. You never cease to amaze with your gift...even if I've read it all before! *hugs*

Author: Jedi Night Jadrian Kray
Date posted: 3/17/2003 6:06:30 PM
Jedi Night Jadrian Kray's Comments:

( Question ) Why did you decide to have Obi-wan die by suicide, wouldn't that mean he would end up not joining with the force? I say this because the Jedi aren't afriad to die, they percive death as noble and they accept it if that is what fate has delt them. I did like your story though, it was emaginitive!

Author: obaona  (signed)
Date posted: 3/17/2003 7:29:02 PM
obaona's Comments:

Well, I'm not really sure why you think Obi-Wan wouldn't join the Force. I see no reason for him not to. As for why I chose that death for him, ask my subconscious, where my plot bunnies lie! :P I don't really know. And Obi-Wan wasn't afraid to die in this story - he just didn't want to live. Death held no fear for him, which, you could say, explains why he was more willing to kill himself the way he did. And thank you. :)

To everyone else - thank you for commenting. It means a lot - and I'm not bothered in the least by that people think he would *never* have done the things he did in this. It just kinda demanded to be written, and wouldn't leave me alone.

I didn't go into more detail about what happened in the universe after Obi-Wan's death for two reasons: 1, it really didn't seem necessary, and I felt that the reader could use what I had given and let their imagination come up with something appropriately and specifically bad to them. 2, the first part of the vignette was written two or so months before the second half, which isn't something I normally do.

Thanks everyone, again, for commenting!

Author: Lord Maul
Date posted: 9/27/2003 7:36:54 PM
Lord Maul's Comments:

Obaona, this was an amazing story. Obi-Wan is one of my favorite characters, so seeing him act this way was very interseting. I was shocked by his choice of suicide, though. In my opinion, Obi- Wan Kenobi doesn't seem like the type of person who would do that, but maybe he would. Anyways, great story!

Author: MutantJediBouer  (signed)
Date posted: 3/13/2004 8:57:33 PM
MutantJediBouer's Comments:

I agree with Maul, Obi-Wan commting suicide was a shock, but I can see how he was driven to it. Obi-Wan is also my favorite character so I am always looking to see how others percieve him, in other words, I'm a sucker for a good Obi-Wan story. Anyway, a truly Force-inspired yarn, I can't wait to look for more. By the way, thanks for the warning at the beginning, while short, this story can pack a punch.
aka. Zax-Ryn Kenobi

Author: Audreidi  (signed)
Date posted: 6/25/2004 10:04:18 AM
Audreidi's Comments:

Ooh, you evil evil author. :D Did you write this one before or after The Water's Edge began? Because I can see either one as inspiration for their counterpart. A very depressing, hard-hitting alternative. Wonderful.

Author: Nemesis  (signed)
Date posted: 6/28/2004 1:10:01 PM
Nemesis's Comments:

Beautiful, but . . . very sad. :(

Author: me_luv_darth_squishy
Date posted: 3/16/2005 10:56:10 AM
me_luv_darth_squishy's Comments:

i hope nobody has said this yet but...WHY DID OBI-WAN HAVE TO DIE???!!!???!!!

Author: Lost Jedi
Date posted: 4/20/2005 8:50:14 PM
Lost Jedi's Comments:

*cries* Than was so sad *sniff* I really like it though. You did a really good job in letting the reader a really good feeling of what Obi-Wan was feeling and did a great job in visuallizing what his surroundings were. Great job!

Author: Rhaya  (signed)
Date posted: 6/2/2005 12:52:14 PM
Rhaya's Comments:

Very Good! I enjoyed reading it.

Add a comment about this fan fiction

Comments to obaona or post it in the Jedi Council Fanfic Forum.
Archived: Monday, January 20, 2003

DISCLAIMER : TheForce.Net and its Fan Fiction associates do not own any content posted on this web site.