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Gungan to the left

Shadows (G)

By : Bimo

Archived on: Monday, March 31, 2003

Obi-Wan's feelings during his first days as Anakin's new Master

As I open the door, a beam of light falls into your chamber. You are already asleep, Anakin, a small pillow-clutching body curled up in a bed built for a grown-up. Only your head is visible from underneath the blankets.

I had hoped to find you still awake, hoped that somehow I could ease the tension between us.

Whoever arranged these quarters for our arrival has also been kind enough to provide us with food supplies. Searching the kitchen shelves for something that you might like I ended up with milk and some kind of biscuits that have a spicy-sweet, strangely comforting smell.

The plate and the glass that I carry were meant to be amends. I didn't want our first day on this planet to end in quarrel and anger; I only noticed that you were shivering. Out there on the balcony, you looked frozen and exhausted.

"Quit staring into the skies and come back inside," I asked you , "It's late." You did not listen. "Anakin, please. You will catch a cold." And finally, much harsher than needed, "Why do I always have to call three times before you listen to anything I say? Now, just do as you are told, boy."

Is this the only thing we have learned in the weeks since we left Naboo together? How easy it is to maneuver ourselves into such a trap and how hard to get out again? Please believe me, I didn't intend to punish you or teach you a lesson. I simply was worried.

I didn't realize that you had reasons for your gaze - an understandable pine for the home you were used to, a boy's natural yearn for his mother. How do I know where to draw the line between Anakin Skywalker, the Chosen One, and Anakin Skywalker, the nine-year old child?

We are only a few steps apart, here in this room. I could easily touch your shoulder or whisper your name. But if I disturbed your sleep right at this moment, you would probably just feel offended. Just like you were offended and angry with me, when I had to summon whatever authority I posses to make you finally come inside.

I know Qui-Gon would have chosen a different path, one that would have been wiser. But I wasn't able to follow it though it lay before me, so easy and simple. All I had to do was to spread my own robe over your shoulders. I could have shared the warmth of my body, talked to you, and consoled you until your shivers and loneliness would finally have ceased. Padawan, come closer. You must be freezing?

But closeness has never been easy for me.

That I'm fully aware of my failings makes them all the more painful. I feel like crying though I know that I must not. After the last month's chaos you need peace and stability, not a master who wraps himself in grief and despair.

With every single breath I miss Qui-Gon.

You can't know this yet, but apart from the connection to the all-pervasive, all-nourishing Force, the relationship between Master and Padawan is the most intimate, most meaningful bond that a Jedi will ever possess. We are supposed to choose each other mutually, one soul completing the other, teaching it how to understand, how to learn and to grow.

You, however, are my promise to a dead man. Regardless how much I hope that I am wrong, Anakin, the flicker in your eyes is revealing. You have already discovered what secret is lying between us, the bitter truth we don't speak of, since even the silent knowledge hurts more than we can possibly bear.

If my master were still with us, I'd probably not even deign to look at you in my haughtiness. But his ashes have been carried away by the winds and rivers of Naboo; I cradled his dying body as it lay outstretched on the floor. During his last moments his thoughts were with you, Anakin. You are Qui-Gon's legacy. And my trial.

I am not ready to face you. When I dreamt of the future, the images arising were those of an adventurous young knight traveling the galaxy. Or an older, hopefully wiser Obi-Wan in the temple cr?che. Instead of focusing on a single Padawan, I always pictured myself as being surrounded by a whole crowd of younglings, telling them of the Force's true greatness and beauty, guiding them carefully through their first meditations.

Doing that demands a wider, more abstract kind of love; one that seems to be so much easier, Ani, than everything you need and deserve. I can only cling to the faith that we'll find our own way as time passes. If only I knew where to begin.

Would you like me to leave the plate at your bedside? I'm afraid the milk won't stay fresh overnight, but tomorrow you will wake up to the smell of biscuits and see that I'm trying.

Oh Padawan, please forgive me.

I'm doing my best.

Original cover art by Bimo. HTML formatting copyright 2003 TheForce.Net LLC.

Fan Fiction Rating

Current Rating is 9.1 in 60 total ratings.

Reader Comments

Add a comment about this Fan Fiction

Author: Bimo  (signed)
Date posted: 3/31/2003 9:26:05 PM
Bimo's Comments:

I would like to thank Aunecah Skywalker, Frank Kretschmer and Herman Snerd. Without them, "Shadows" would not be where it is now ;-)


Author: bubbleyicious
Date posted: 3/31/2003 10:14:18 PM
bubbleyicious's Comments:

This seems like the openness that Obi-Wan and Anakin were always missing in their relationship. I liked this story. Good work.

Author: Ani'sFallenAngel  (signed)
Date posted: 4/1/2003 3:51:26 PM
Ani'sFallenAngel's Comments:

I liked your story! i especially liked how it was in present tense, which is often hard to do. Obi-Wan and Anakin are my favorite characters, and you portrayed them wonderfully! Good job! -tahl (the former Darra_Skywalker)

Author: Aeryn Tucker
Date posted: 4/1/2003 6:54:22 PM
Aeryn Tucker's Comments:

Wow. That was really good, and hits the early relationship between Obi-Wan and Anakin right on the nose.

-Aeryn Tucker

Author: Princess Beccerz
Date posted: 4/2/2003 5:08:10 PM
Princess Beccerz's Comments:

Oh my Gosh. What a wonderful story. It made me cry. This story reminds me of the openness that I am missing with my "Masters", my parents. Wonderful job, and keep up the good work.


Author: Count Boobu
Date posted: 4/2/2003 9:06:19 PM
Count Boobu's Comments:

This was very good. I haven't read too many stories concerning the early days of Anikan and Obi-Wan's...uhhh...days so this is quite a treat.

Good work.

Author: Kitt327
Date posted: 4/2/2003 9:26:16 PM
Kitt327's Comments:

This was refreshingly different, and an interesting take on Obi-Wan's early feelings toward Anakin. I enjoyed it.

Author: FernWithy
Date posted: 4/3/2003 5:22:53 PM
FernWithy's Comments:

As one of the reviewers on this one, I was really happy to accept it and am glad to recommend it to anyone who likes the Anakin/Obi-Wan dynamic. It hits on all the strengths and weaknesses of their relationship, and it does it very economically. Both Obi-Wan's affection and his awkwardness are shown beautifully.

Author: JediPug1  (signed)
Date posted: 4/4/2003 8:01:39 PM
JediPug1's Comments:

That was really well done! I can imagine that there most likely would have been tension between Obi-Wan and Anakin in the early days, since they were kind of thrown together, and I think you captured that nicely.

Author: Me
Date posted: 4/5/2003 3:09:50 PM
Me's Comments:

Hauntingly lovely. I'll think of this when watch the movies. Thanks.

Author: prufrock
Date posted: 4/6/2003 3:20:45 AM
prufrock's Comments:

>Oh my Gosh. What a wonderful story. It made me cry. >This story reminds me of the openness that I am >missing with my "Masters", my parents.

I also think the story goes way bejond of what it actually tells, and this basically why I love the it too: Besides the beautiful chracterisation of the protagonists, the story touches feelings that I guess everybody knows to well:
The inability to reach someone you are close to in moments of pain or anger. Also that feeling that you life is not developing exactly the way you dreamt or desired it. And it reminds us that being close to someone is really a difficult task; althogh a rewarding one.
And so, I guess, that the story is both sad and beautiful is just a reflection of life, is it not?

And it achieves this in only two pages: I call that art :-)

Author: TQ
Date posted: 4/7/2003 4:31:48 PM
TQ's Comments:

Wow. Not only is this beautifully written, it really helped me understand their later (strained) relationship. I adore Obi-Wan (& Ewan McGregor, too...but that's another story ^_^), and I've always had trouble imagining how he and Anakin would end up with so many problems. The opening scenes of Ep. 2 are...painful. This ties everything together perfectly. The way Obi-Wan second-guesses himself and berates himself, mulling over what he <i>should</i> have done...but never completely rectifying (sp?) his makes him human without stripping him of his status as a Jedi. Absolutely fantastic!

Author: Siri Ruane
Date posted: 4/8/2003 11:45:36 AM
Siri Ruane's Comments:


Author: Destiny  (signed)
Date posted: 4/8/2003 11:10:41 PM
Destiny's Comments:

This is a breathtaking piece of work. It really gives whoever reads it a sense of how difficult a time this is for Obi-Wan, where most people - including myself :p - tend to focus on the trials of Ani. But Obi-Wan has been both robbed of his mentor and forced into the role of Master, all in one day. He can't be feeling very stable, but he has to put on a strong face for Anakin.

Wonderful job, Bimo. It was exquisite. :p

Author: MonMartha
Date posted: 4/11/2003 12:01:54 PM
MonMartha's Comments:

I can only repeat the comments above. Completely believable (I'm another OBW admirer *and* an older sister! :P); Short, bittersweet emotions, . . . Marvelous.

Thank you for this story.

Author: Siri Tachi
Date posted: 5/7/2003 10:12:20 AM
Siri Tachi's Comments:

i think that was wonderful!! i love obi-wan and i love how you issued his feelings. it was a very wonderful story.

Author: R7-F6
Date posted: 2/14/2004 3:42:28 PM
R7-F6's Comments:

Great. I like stories about Anikin's early apprinticeship to Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan, I bet feels a lot like Darry in "The Outsiders" or the oldest brother in "Party of Five." His relationship with Anikin is a lot like brothers, one consideralby older, who have just lost a father but barely know each other.

Author: dreamer
Date posted: 6/1/2005 7:04:42 PM
dreamer's Comments:

This is truly the best I've read that perfectly fits Obi-Wan; you've accomplished a profound feat. Beautifully crafted, showing Obi-Wan in a better light than he's ever been given...hats off to you.

Author: me_luv_darth_squishy
Date posted: 6/28/2005 6:21:04 PM
me_luv_darth_squishy's Comments:

I loved it. It shows a side of Obi-Wan that you don't see in the movies. And even in the books, it's barely touched on. I very much enjoyed reading it.

Author: Dragon
Date posted: 12/5/2011 12:30:35 PM
Dragon's Comments:

Great article but it didn't have everything—I didn't find the kictehn sink!

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Archived: Monday, March 31, 2003

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