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Gungan to the left

I Will Never Leave You (PG)

By : Lyra Luminara

Archived on: Monday, June 16, 2003

After Anakin returns from the Tusken camp, Padme is there to be his shoulder to cry on and comes to a realization.

"To be angry is to be human."

"I'm a Jedi. I know I'm better than this."

Those were the last words spoken between us, not but a few hours ago.

I now lie awake in one of the guest rooms at the Lars' moisture farm on Tatooine. My eyes have been wandering aimlessly over natural patterns and pictures on the clay walls. I see faces that hold happy expressions. I see children playing and couples that have dreamy looks. But maybe they're not really there. Maybe it's just my mind showing me what I want to be shown. Or my heart. I've never known, being in politics, if I should listen to my mind or my heart.

I sigh and roll toward the wall. I should listen to my mind and not think so selfishly. Anakin is in agony over his mother right now. In agony about what he did. I am in awe that Ani could ever do such a thing. Master Yoda's famous words play over in my mind, Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.

But, I know that pain is the root of it all, and that is what Anakin is in now. Not only have the Tuskens suffered, so has my Ani. And he's probably sleeping as well as I am tonight because of it.

A small, half-oval window is positioned about three feet above me. It over-looks the small courtyard of the farm. I close my eyes for a moment, enjoying the cool, pale moonlight leaking through the window.

The moment passes quickly, and Anakin evades my thoughts, yet again. I can't even begin to comprehend the pain he's in at this very moment. I just wish there was something I could do to help. I don't understand why, but it breaks my heart to see him in the smallest bit of distress or pain.

I let my thoughts carry on as my eyes begin to flutter shut at another attempt to sleep. I squeeze the corner of my pillow as I feel my eyes become hot. Why am I in so much pain? A quiet voice answers, Because he is in pain.

My eyes snap open and I quickly wipe away the tears. I begin to take deep, controlling breaths. Should I go to him? No, I can't. I can't make things anymore complicated than they already are.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see the curtain hanging in the doorway flutter. I pull the blankets tighter. There must be a draft in this room.

I start to close my eyes again, when I hear soft footsteps enter my room and draw near. I figure it must be C-3PO and I instantly pretend I'm asleep; I'm in no mood to be bothered, by anyone. Unless?

But then, I feel a hand on my shoulder. It doesn't feel cold like metal, but warm and human.

Curious, I open my eyes in question and turn my head slightly. A dark figure stands over me. My heart leaps in girlish hope that it is who I want it to be. I turn my head more to see. The figure moves slightly, falling into the stream of pale moonlight.


I am breathless. My throat is so tight. My eyes search his face. He looks troubled beyond repair. His eyes hold defeat and his face shows signs of sleep deprivation. My own probably does as well.

For several moments, we are silent, and I dare not breathe. I'm afraid the slightest move will make him disappear. Why don't I want him to disappear?

Anakin blinks a few times and casts his gaze to the floor as he sits down beside me. Feeling sure he will stay, I sit up and begin studying his face. He still looks down and I long for those summer-sky blue eyes to gaze upon me.

"I'm sorry I woke you," he says quietly, and then looks up. My lips part to speak. I want to gather him in my arms and never let go. Instead, I remain still.

"It's okay?I couldn't sleep anyway."

"Neither could I."

I then become very aware of the way he's looking at me. It's the way he always looks at me. Those eyes burning into me that make me feel so naked and exposed.

His eyes wander over my face, my rich, brown curled hair, my neck, my arms, my hands. With my own eyes, I follow the same motion over him, not knowing exactly why. His hand moves to mine and takes it gently in his own. His touch sends a spark through me, and my heart wants to burst. I curl my fingers around his in understanding and comfort.

Anakin begins in a weak voice as his gaze falls once again. "I miss her, Padme. As soon as we're together again, I lose her." I swallow hard, knowing there are more meanings than one in that statement.

"She'll always be with you." I answer quietly. He looks up quickly and my heart begins to race. And then, I wonder if I intended two meanings as well. As I look into his eyes, I know he is wondering the same thing.

His grip tightens on my hand, "Promise that you'll never leave me, Padme?as a friend." He adds quickly and I know he has just remembered our decision about not falling in love.

I breathe in, trembling. I don't want to go through another painful conversation again. Our first discussion was hard enough. Why? Why are my feelings for him so complicated?

"I promise," I say suddenly, and I mean it; I mean it with all my heart. In this world or the next, I don't ever want to lose him. I then hug him quickly. I have to give in, just this once. There is no harm in a hug.

I feel so safe, so protected in his arms. I press my ear against his chest and hear his heart beating-racing. And I know perfectly well whom that heart beats for. Is he as afraid as I am? Is he afraid of crossing that line? No, Anakin has never been afraid of me, I know that, he has shown that clearly through his actions.

"Padme?" I feel his voice resonate against the side of my face.

"Hmm?" I mumble, loving the gentle hands moving across my back.

"--Can I stay here tonight?" He asks awkwardly. I can see he feels on dangerous ground. I can see he doesn't want to upset me. I pull away quickly and try to speak, but my voice has died. I don't want to object. This is my chance to help. This is my chance to temporarily end his pain-to end my pain.

Swallowing all uncertainties, I nod slowly and peel the covers back. He looks at me in astonishment. I can't help but feel the same; after all, I did say things in our previous discussion that would go against what I'm doing now.

Anakin slowly slides into bed beside me and pulls the blankets around us. Feeling nervous, I sink down on my back and try my best to stay to one side of the bed and not touch him. And I wonder if he's doing the same in order to respect me.

"Now I can sleep," I hear him whisper, and it sounds so much like 'thank you'.

I take a deep breath to control my emotions and reply almost inaudibly, "So can I."

I don't know if he heard me, but I don't care either way. I'll leave it to the fates for him to know what I said. I find myself drifting off and I finally feel at peace. I finally feel calm. And as I fade into sleep, I remember back to my last morning on Naboo, and Anakin telling me, "Your presence is soothing."

I smile, content that my presence has again soothed his pain, for now.

Oh Ani?will we ever be truly happy?

The question drifts away as sleep comes over me.

I awake wrapped in warmth. The golden light of morning has filled my small quarters. Being contained in the minute space, the light reminds me of happiness that has never gotten the chance to break free, but as the suns continue to rise, the chance of the light escaping increases. I can't help but feel this room is so much like my heart ever since Anakin re-appeared to me. I then realize, other than the rising suns, that there is another source to this warmth. I am wrapped in Anakin's arms, and my head lies gently on his chest. I can feel his chin resting against my hair, and I find comfort in the gentle rise and fall of his breathing.

Should I pull away? No, a voice yells at me. Being like this, I have forgotten all my worries. For the time being, everything feels so perfect and serene, and my pain has disappeared with the stars. I will stay like this for now, for it may be the last time we will ever be so close and may be the last time I will feel so at ease.

I know now that as long as Anakin is around, I will be at peace. As long as he is around, I will be happy?even if all we can be is friends. I ask myself why and fight back rational feelings from the mind. With confidence, from my heart, I tell my mind that I love Anakin-that I have always loved Anakin.

With my arms still around him, I squeeze tight.

I will never let go of you, Anakin Skywalker. I will never leave you. Ever.

The End.

Original cover by Lyra Luminara. HTML formatting copyright 2003 TheForce.Net LLC.

Fan Fiction Rating

Current Rating is 9.59 in 103 total ratings.

Reader Comments

Add a comment about this Fan Fiction

Author: Lord Bane Kronos
Date posted: 6/16/2003 11:29:22 PM
Lord Bane Kronos's Comments:

Good work I could allmost see this as a missing scene from ep2

Author: Anilu
Date posted: 6/17/2003 1:55:52 PM
Anilu's Comments:

Your fanfiction is a great fanficiton, I love it, good job, very cute;)

Author: monmothma
Date posted: 6/17/2003 2:28:23 PM
monmothma's Comments:

Beautiful! I can definitely see this happening. I love the line about how now Anakin can sleep. Very nice.

Author: NabooJedi12
Date posted: 6/17/2003 6:07:14 PM
NabooJedi12's Comments:

I really enjoyed this. This should definitly have been in the movie.

Author: rhonderoo  (signed)
Date posted: 6/17/2003 7:22:59 PM
rhonderoo's Comments:

Great story! It could very well be a scene in the movie!

Author: David
Date posted: 6/17/2003 10:34:39 PM
David's Comments:

Excellent story!!! I could visualize everything in it as if it actually happened in the movie. I've read a lot of Star Wars books "expanded universe" and your writing is right up there with all of it. It's a shame that the screenwriters for Episode 2 didn't put that scene in because I think it would have been very benificial. Well, once again supurb work, I doubt anyone can top what you wrote. Good luck, hope a publisher sees your short story and hires you.

Author: Don
Date posted: 6/18/2003 6:19:24 AM
Don's Comments:

Excellent job! GL should have asked you to co-write the Eps.3 story.

Author: DarthVenjur
Date posted: 6/18/2003 6:49:44 AM
DarthVenjur's Comments:

A wonderful delving into the depth's of Padme's inner turmoil of Episode II! I agree that this should've been a cut scene. Any chance we'll see more of your work? :)

Author: Destiny  (signed)
Date posted: 6/18/2003 12:24:29 PM
Destiny's Comments:

I'm glad to see this up, Lyra! It was very enjoyable - I loved the way you portrayed Anakin. You captured all of his passion and hesitation effortlessly.

And your cover art was beautiful. :)

Author: JediPug1  (signed)
Date posted: 6/18/2003 7:32:31 PM
JediPug1's Comments:

Great story! It fits in so well with the mood of Episode II, and your characterizations are done well.

Author: Leah Bee
Date posted: 6/19/2003 10:13:00 AM
Leah Bee's Comments:

what a wonderful little story! this could have easily been slipped into episode 2. :) fabulous!

Author: DarthyVader
Date posted: 6/19/2003 2:04:21 PM
DarthyVader's Comments:

that was pretty good, but as for fitting in with the actual story, it definitly does not fit! (no offence)

Author: jedi_michele
Date posted: 6/19/2003 9:17:24 PM
jedi_michele's Comments:

very good piece! this could so be a missing scene from ep. 2. u have a nice writing style. continue to write!

Author: Liz
Date posted: 6/21/2003 3:30:27 PM
Liz's Comments:

Wow!! Great story! Really could b a part of Episode 2, very creative - AWESOME!!

Author: TimmyP
Date posted: 6/23/2003 9:49:44 AM
TimmyP's Comments:

Surely if Ani shared a bed with Padme that would be a reason for him not to sleep ! If you get my drift ! lol

brill story I am currently writing my own story ! It is set after the end of the clone war and before ANH ! there are few Jedi and two brothers fall in love with a General's daughter. One jumps straight in and the girl doesn't want to hurt his feeling so she goes out with him, even though she loves the other brother ! The brother going out with the girl finds out that she has been captured by the sith and he goes to look for her with his bro, he ends up dying because he wanted to kill the sith lord so bad, but the other, older more experienced bro stays calm even though he is in pain, and eventually kills the sith lord and saves the day ! but then Ani kills him and most of the other Jedi !

Author: wren  (signed)
Date posted: 6/23/2003 2:36:03 PM
wren's Comments:

this is a beautiful piece! well written, too!

Author: wren  (signed)
Date posted: 6/23/2003 2:36:12 PM
wren's Comments:

this is a beautiful piece! well written, too!

Author: Gina  (signed)
Date posted: 6/25/2003 9:29:46 AM
Gina's Comments:

Tender, beautifully written piece. Really shows the vulnerable side of both characters.

Author: Mara Jade
Date posted: 6/29/2003 11:38:46 AM
Mara Jade's Comments:

This is the best Iknow of fanfiction on ani and ami thank you

Author: Senator Leia
Date posted: 6/30/2003 4:59:54 PM
Senator Leia's Comments:

goodjob this could should have been in the movie. keep writting more stories.

Author: Haydenlova419
Date posted: 7/2/2003 12:11:47 PM
Haydenlova419's Comments:

I loved it ...this part should be in the movie forreal!!!!!!great job!!!!!!

Author: Blazer  (signed)
Date posted: 7/3/2003 1:58:17 AM
Blazer's Comments:

Very beautiful and fit in well with the Padme George Lucas crafted in the movie. Very believeable and very nicely written. Good job!


Author: Princess1
Date posted: 7/3/2003 8:28:42 PM
Princess1's Comments:

Beautiful, absolutly beautiful. You rendered both of the characters so well, Anakin's pain, and the way he was at last able to sleep when in her prescence. This could have been SHOULD have been a scene in Episode II !

Author: Ani'sFallenAngel
Date posted: 7/5/2003 7:24:11 PM
Ani'sFallenAngel's Comments:

i remember beta-ing this a while ago; good job!! i knew this fic would get here! ;)

Author: Aeryn  (signed)
Date posted: 8/23/2003 8:56:54 PM
Aeryn's Comments:

I do think it was the confession scene that was the turning point for Padmé in regards to her feelings for him - this story deals with that marvelously. He's the broken person, she realizes she's the one who wants to fix him, and *that's* what matters. And that simply *being* in one another's presence is enough to soothe their pain - great touch, very in character for their relationship. Beautiful work. :)

Author: JediMasterMariana
Date posted: 9/10/2003 11:08:00 AM
JediMasterMariana's Comments:

Great!Excellent!I Definetly could have been a missing scene in Episode II.

Author: Archangel
Date posted: 10/4/2003 5:53:49 PM
Archangel's Comments:

*sobs a few times*
Wow. That was incredible. I love the way you portray Padme. Simply wonderful. Keep it up.

Author: Senator Skywalker  (signed)
Date posted: 10/6/2003 12:44:33 AM
Senator Skywalker's Comments:

This is one of the BEST I have read!!
After seeing the movie I always wondered what happened between those scenes and this was a lovely insight, showing both Anakin's feelings and how Padme's begin to change--truly amazing!!
Your ending was perfect, PLEASE write more...

Author: anakin solo2
Date posted: 10/18/2003 7:34:12 PM
anakin solo2's Comments:


Author: Lady Solo
Date posted: 11/14/2003 11:18:08 AM
Lady Solo's Comments:


I loved it... one problem (it's not a bad one either)

I was kinda thinking that Padme and Ani's promise about falling in love would break right when he sleeps in her bed..huh..well theres always next time.
good job I like how you explained both of them too!

Author: Bandgeek
Date posted: 10/5/2004 12:42:36 PM
Bandgeek's Comments:

This was a beautiful piece of work. I would have loved to see it in Episode II but I don't think it would have been what George was going for, she did confess her love to him only when she thought they were dying, kind of like a crescendo that increases right at the end(what my band teacher tells me gain volume, in the case of the movie, real love between Anakin and Amidala at the end) Even though I still loved this piece as you wrote the characters exactly on point and even if you hadn't seen the movie you could probably still understand why the characters act the way they do. To bad we can't see something like that played out in a different situation between Ep. II and III. Like I said above, great piece one of the best Anakin/Padme pieces I've ever seen. I will definitely be looking for more of your work!

Author: Nom Inal
Date posted: 3/17/2005 5:06:53 AM
Nom Inal's Comments:

Bravo! With only this short story, you have accomplished that which Episode II could not - a convincing chronicle of developing love.

Author: BloodRaven
Date posted: 7/6/2005 1:00:54 AM
BloodRaven's Comments:

Oh this was just the sweetest (if not sad because of the forshadowing) tale ever! I truly enjoyed this thank you so much for sharing!

Author: me
Date posted: 8/12/2009 8:38:03 PM
me's Comments:

wow...i liked it. it almost made me cry. that never happens. i thought it was very sweet.

Author: WolfKing93  (signed)
Date posted: 7/15/2012 10:00:08 AM
WolfKing93's Comments:

I liked this very much. I might have cried had this been a scene in the movie - and I say this as a guy who, as a rule, does not cry during movies. Good job on this one. You humanized them both.

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Archived: Monday, June 16, 2003

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