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Gungan to the left

Jabba's Good Looks (PG)

By : LadyElaine

Archived on: Monday, May 26, 2003

Where did Han get all his scoundrelous qualities, anyway?

It had been a long day of chasing three children around a normally empty house. Everyone was safe at home for once, and Leia had been enjoying the small troubles that came with a household bursting at the seams. No interstellar wars, no refugee crises - not so much as a senatorial dispute. Just a trio of young troublemakers with too much time on their hands. So after a harried dinner, Leia had sent them to help their father and Chewbacca with the never-ending repairs on the Millennium Falcon.

Leia took a deep breath and sank into a comfortable chair, enjoying the unaccustomed solitude. Even See-Threepio was noticeably quiet.

Anakin came back first, yawning hugely. Leia gave his sandy hair an affectionate ruffle, then asked him how everything was going.

?Fine.? He gave a noncommittal shrug. ?Dad said something about domestic bliss right before he shouted at us.?

Raising an eyebrow, Leia asked, ?What made him shout at you??

?Oh, he found Jacen?s crystal snake.? Anakin?s expression gave him an air of innocence, and Leia decided not to press. Anakin yawned again. ?You?re about to tell me to go to bed, aren?t you??

?That?s right,? Leia replied, and she followed him into his room to make sure he actually did go to bed rather than become distracted by yet another of his countless projects.

?Dad let me do a shield integrity test!? Anakin boasted, his coyness evaporating. ?And Chewbacca didn?t even have to help me!? He flopped down on the covers, wearing an uncharacteristically broad grin. ?How?d Dad get to be so great??

Stepping carefully around a toy probe droid, a tangled web of colorful wires, and what looked suspiciously like Threepio?s vocabulator, Leia came to sit at the end of the bed. ?Well,? she began, ?it all started when your father had to dump a load of spice he was smuggling for Jabba the Hutt. Jabba put out a bounty on him, and Boba Fett managed to capture your dad.?

Anakin sat up. ?Mom,? he whined, ?Uncle Luke?s already told me that story. You know, the one where you?re chained up in that slave dancer outfit, and Dad?s all blind and can?t see what he?s doing, and Uncle Luke?s got his lightsaber and...!? He ended with a swashbuckling wave of an invisible sword.

?Yes, but this is a different story, trust me.? Leia turned at the sudden, odd sound from behind her. Han stood there, leaning against the doorjamb, trying to turn his chuckle into a cough. Farther off, she could hear Jacen and Jaina arguing over the security of Jacen?s aquarium, with Chewbacca?s comments a rumbling undertone. The twins had come back in with the big Wookiee, their voices punctuated by the slamming door.

?Well?? Han said when he?d gotten control of himself. ?You gonna tell him the story or not, sweetheart??

?All, right, settle down, both of you.? Leia smiled. ?Now, way back then, Jabba was just about the most handsome being anyone had ever laid eyes on.? Han started coughing again, but Leia ignored him. ?That horrible little pet of his, the one he called Salacious Crumb, was one of the bravest beings in the entire galaxy. The Twi?lek Bib Fortuna, who was Jabba?s aide, had just about the quickest wit around. And to top it all off, Jabba?s favorite bounty hunter, Boba Fett, had a heart of gold - though you wouldn?t know it by looking at him.?

There was not a single cough from Han at that. Leia shot a glance over her shoulder and found him staring at her in bemusement.

Then a second set of eyes peered around the door, and Leia had to restrain herself from laughing at the curious look on Chewie?s face.

?As I said,? Leia continued, turning back to Anakin, ?Fett captured your dad.? That brought a growl from Chewie, but Leia plowed forward. ?He brought him in chains to Jabba, who promptly threw your father into the smallest, foulest cell in his palace, then had the Falcon impounded.? Anakin?s gasp of disbelief was echoed by an indignant Han. ?But... well, this is Han Solo we?re talking about here.? A quiet hurr-hurr of Wookiee amusement agreed with that.

?Your dad managed to escape in the middle of the night,? Leia said in a conspiratorial whisper, ?when everyone was asleep. And he stole something from them all, one by one. He took Jabba?s good looks, Salacious Crumb?s courage, Bib Fortuna?s quick wit, and even Boba Fett?s well-hidden good heart. But he couldn?t get to his ship, so he waited.

?In the morning, everyone woke up to find their most prized possession missing. Your father told them he?d give everything back, if Jabba would return Han?s most prized possession: the Millennium Falcon. No longer having his aide?s wiliness to rely on, Jabba agreed, and had the Falcon brought back.?

?So what did Dad do?? Anakin asked.

?He boarded his ship, of course. And he took off without returning a single thing.?

?So that?s how I got to be so good-looking, brave, and smart, huh?? Han quipped with a lopsided grin.

?And good-hearted, too,? Leia said, standing up and crossing the room to embrace him.

?Yeah, yeah,? he muttered. Then to Chewie: ?So where were you, pal, when all this was going on??

Chewbacca leaned back on his side of the door, hands clasped behind his furry head, and rumbled something smug about ?quality time? on Kashyyyk.

Anakin looked from Leia to Han and back again. ?That stuff with Jabba didn?t really happen,? he said with a child?s skepticism. ?Did it??

?Sure,? Han said. ?Every word of it. Well, except for that part about Jabba?s good looks.? He grinned again rakishly. ?Jabba was always an ugly slug. I was born handsome, ya know??

?But I thought Mom called you a scruffy-looking nerf herder.?

When Leia and Chewie finally stopped laughing, Han shot a half-hearted glare at his son.

?Kid, you?ve been listening to way too many of your Uncle Luke?s stories.?

Original cover by FernWithy. HTML formatting copyright 2003 TheForce.Net LLC.

Fan Fiction Rating

Current Rating is 9.02 in 98 total ratings.

Reader Comments

Add a comment about this Fan Fiction

Author: snowbear96
Date posted: 5/27/2003 3:50:25 AM
snowbear96's Comments:

very funny

Author: Destiny  (signed)
Date posted: 5/27/2003 8:11:20 AM
Destiny's Comments:

Good job, LadyElaine! This was a charming story - I enjoyed beta-ing it! I loved Anakin's explanation of what caused the fight that ended the "domestic bliss". You wrote Han - one of my favorite characters - beautifully. And the ending was hilarious!

Keep writing! :p

Author: SoloGirl
Date posted: 5/27/2003 8:28:45 AM
SoloGirl's Comments:

I loved this story the first time I read it, and I love it now- you did a great job with it, and as Destiny said, you wrote Han and all the other characters beautifully.

Author: LadyElaine
Date posted: 5/27/2003 8:57:18 AM
LadyElaine's Comments:

This one's number four in my ongoing (six written, no end in sight) Star Wars fables series. It's based on a Native American tale about how Coyote got his looks (by stealing eagle's big ears, rabbit's long bushy tail, salmon's warm fur coat, etc.).

Thanks go out to my many beta readers, too numerous to name them all. Also, thanks to FernWithy for the always delightful cover art.

Author: Jedi Dajuan
Date posted: 5/27/2003 10:05:37 AM
Jedi Dajuan's Comments:

That was so funny!!
The last line was the best..too many of Uncle Luke's stories :)

Author: Niki  (signed)
Date posted: 5/27/2003 6:38:39 PM
Niki's Comments:

That was great! Thanks!

Author: jedilauren266
Date posted: 5/29/2003 1:16:14 AM
jedilauren266's Comments:

this story rox!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Author: Valeda Kor  (signed)
Date posted: 5/29/2003 6:55:53 AM
Valeda Kor's Comments:

I was privileged to be a beta-reader for this story. From the first word to the last, it's original, charming and above all, entertaining. How refreshing to read a "slice of life" vignette for the Solos! The author knows how much I appreciate her work, and I look forward to the next tale.

Author: Darth Figaro
Date posted: 5/29/2003 8:51:16 AM
Darth Figaro's Comments:

A delightful, enchanting story. Thank you, Lady Elaine, for bringing a smile to my face!

Author: TahiriFireFighter239
Date posted: 5/29/2003 11:13:31 AM
TahiriFireFighter239's Comments:

This is brillant!

Author: Fettster
Date posted: 5/31/2003 8:31:42 AM
Fettster's Comments:

That was cute. :)

Author: Siri Ruane  (signed)
Date posted: 6/2/2003 7:23:57 AM
Siri Ruane's Comments:


Author: tiresia darksaber
Date posted: 6/2/2003 10:49:25 AM
tiresia darksaber's Comments:

This is by far the cutest stories I've read in a long time. Well done! It's just short enough too. I LOVE IT! great job. Very funny, laughed all through it. Sweet.

Author: Shada  (signed)
Date posted: 6/4/2003 10:17:05 AM
Shada's Comments:

hee hee...very cute story, Lady Elaine. I've got to say that I could honestly see Han *perfectly* throughout this piece. Expressions and everthing were picture-perfect in my head. Nice job on characterization there. Keep it up!

Author: Blazer
Date posted: 6/4/2003 1:15:07 PM
Blazer's Comments:

“But I thought Mom called you a scruffy-looking nerf herder.”

Way to go, kid!

Anyhoo, great job here! I loved it! A very heartfelt and light read. You've nailed Han to a tee here!

Author: Tanara
Date posted: 6/4/2003 3:33:29 PM
Tanara's Comments:

"Domestic Bliss"? In the Solo Family?! HA HA HA!!!!
Now I have three favorite humors, Death of a Mouse Droid, I refuse, and now, Jabba's Good Looks.
Great Job, Lady Elaine!

Author: X-Wing Ace
Date posted: 6/4/2003 4:51:03 PM
X-Wing Ace's Comments:

Hardy har har. That was pretty funny. For some reason it reminds me of the baby eating the bloody Dingo...

Author: Jedisister
Date posted: 6/4/2003 9:55:36 PM
Jedisister's Comments:

Too Funny!!! I loved it!!

Author: Leah Bee
Date posted: 6/6/2003 9:32:23 AM
Leah Bee's Comments:

lol! good job!

Author: Ry'chael
Date posted: 6/9/2003 8:56:44 AM
Ry'chael's Comments:

That's hysterical! That explains it...he's definately a great thief!

Author: messicat_kenobi
Date posted: 6/10/2003 2:21:20 AM
messicat_kenobi's Comments:

This is a great little fic. Very clever. Congrats on the great work.

Author: Darkness Himself
Date posted: 6/20/2003 1:02:24 PM
Darkness Himself's Comments:

Looks like im the only one who dislikes this.
It is an ok story, but without any point. Could pass as some kinda SW 'fairy tale', but i personally dislike it.

Author: hobyls
Date posted: 6/21/2003 12:14:03 AM
hobyls's Comments:

I'm sorry, but that baby in the picture gives my the jibblies.

Author: Valiowk  (signed)
Date posted: 6/25/2003 5:06:19 AM
Valiowk's Comments:

Great ending! I loved the way it fitted perfectly with Han's past.

Author: pimpy wan
Date posted: 6/29/2003 1:12:03 PM
pimpy wan's Comments:

i liked this story. it was a short and sweet glimpse into the solo homelife. big up!

Author: Mcily Nochi  (signed)
Date posted: 8/13/2003 11:42:46 PM
Mcily Nochi's Comments:

*giggles* That was hysterical. Great job! I loved how it had the feeling of a fairy tale, particularly African tales, yet was about Star Wars. Very nice!

Author: Jaina_and_Jag
Date posted: 11/9/2003 2:47:15 PM
Jaina_and_Jag's Comments:

That was great! :D

Author: monkeygirl
Date posted: 11/12/2003 1:54:11 PM
monkeygirl's Comments:

2 funny! I always like han solo and this is a good way of explaining him!

I also thought it was short
hmmmm....I guess those funny stories don't last long huh? great job!

Author: GoddessOfImaginaryLight
Date posted: 12/4/2004 6:16:24 PM
GoddessOfImaginaryLight's Comments:

aaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwww..... the childlike innocence of jabba, hehehe the twins arguing... sounds like family life to me!! we need more stuff like this! MORE I SAY MORE!! sorry, i tend to get passionate abt... stuff
brooke chook

Author: jabba  (signed)
Date posted: 2/13/2005 8:01:33 PM
jabba's Comments:

funny... very funny “Kid, you’ve been listening to way too many of your Uncle Luke’s stories.” that was really really funny and Jabba really handsome?? weird but anyway i really like this fan-fic

Author: isola-jedi-padawan  (signed)
Date posted: 4/19/2005 8:57:27 AM
isola-jedi-padawan's Comments:

OMG that was funny! Pls pls pls write more!

Author: 1-800-jedigirl
Date posted: 2/2/2006 3:16:07 PM
1-800-jedigirl's Comments:

thats hilariose.
i tell you m'lady i just cant get enough of your fables

Author: Persephone_Kore  (signed)
Date posted: 2/3/2007 7:25:44 PM
Persephone_Kore's Comments:

*cackles* Oh, that was fun! I like the touch of Han's (entirely understandable) disbelief, and Leia casting Han in the classic trickster role, and the outright bizarre mental image of Jabba having once been handsome (which was a great choice for the title, too -- draw in readers by making their brains explode).

Author: jedigirl78
Date posted: 7/10/2010 10:29:07 PM
jedigirl78's Comments:

Very cute story!

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Archived: Monday, May 26, 2003

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