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Gungan to the left

Death of a Mouse-Droid (PG)

By : Lady Padme

Archived on: Tuesday, March 18, 2003

A new droid brings utter chaos to the Solo household. Told from C-3PO's point of view.

I am quite grievously upset.

That Artoo unit killed my mouse.

That overweight glob of grease. He must have picked up a flutter or some sort of malfunction; that's the only explanation I can give.

Let me start from the beginning:

I am C-3PO, human-cyborg relations. I am a hard working droid and I believe I perform my etiquette, protocol and household duties to the best of my abilities. It is not surprising, therefore, that Mistress Leia would choose to award me with an assistant.

Two days ago, General Calrissian presented Mistress Leia with a MMAUS-1 (motorized miniature assist unit series-1). She in turn presented the droid-whom humans erroneously call a mouse-droid, even though it is not related to the MSE series of mouse-droids previously used by the Empire; and in fact these droids use the Varxel-Nutley-Wakefield computer language to communicate which is completely incompatible with the D'Agati-Frufru-Rennke language programmed into the MSE series droids-to me as an assistant. And she stated that his duties would fall under my purview.

The mouse-droid was quite small, measuring only ten centimeters in length and five in height, with a smooth, dark-brown ovoid metal shell, but he had an astonishing number of versatile accessory arms and features-in fact, more accessory arms and attachments than even Artoo, who was quite put out when I mentioned this-and he was quite agile. I named him Mopsy.

Artoo never liked Mopsy. His protests when Mopsy was presented to me were most vociferous.

I must admit, Mopsy was a little overzealous in the execution of his tasks, but it only demonstrated his eagerness to please. During the first day, however, Artoo would have none of it, blocking Mopsy whenever he tried to do something. Artoo changed the access codes to the utility closet, and kept Mopsy away from all the cleaning equipment.

Finally, yesterday morning, I felt I really needed to discuss this situation with Artoo. I thought I had been quite succinct and reasonable. I pointed out that Mopsy's presence would only enable us to do our jobs better. Artoo was very grouchy about the whole situation and insisted things had been fine the way they were. Really! The range of beeps and whistles he used were most unsuitable. At last, however, he relented, and said he would not stop Mopsy from doing his job.

Little did I know then what trouble would be brewing.

Now, Mistress Leia, while proving herself to be an extremely competent Chief of State, finds herself inadequate to the task of cooking. Therefore, it falls within my domain to program the autochef. Normally, Artoo would assist me in my culinary duties. After my discussion with Artoo, however, I suggested Mopsy might help me cook, instead.

Unfortunately, Mopsy was a bit-overeager-in the dispensing of spices for the Corellian stew. Usually this dish is a favorite of Captain Solo's.

My, my. The resultant spew of choice epithets that came from Captain Solo at the dinner table-and in so many languages!-was a bit-startling. I tried to explain to Captain Solo that it was Mopsy's first run with the autochef and that he had been a tad overenthusiastic, but Captain Solo would have none of it. In fact, his comments were-well, if I must say-they were downright rude.

"Who the hell is Mopsy?" Captain Solo shouted.

I quickly pointed to Mopsy, who was twirling around on the floor behind Captain Solo's chair.

"Where in the hell did that thing come from?" Captain Solo demanded, looking down at Mopsy. "And what genius came up with the name 'Mopsy' for a droid?"

Mistress Leia quickly interjected, "It was a gift from Lando. I put him in Threepio's charge."

For a moment, Captain Solo seemed thunderstruck, and then he said, "Great. Just great. A miniature droid who's trained to act like Goldenrod. Mini-rod. Just what we've always needed." And then he left the table in what I believe was a very foul state of mind and went to look for some medicine for his stomach.

Mopsy felt really quite terrible over the error. To make amends, he tried to be more helpful. He started helping Artoo and me with some of our other household chores, which included taking over Artoo's job of operating the electromagnetic vacuum to clean the floor.

Now, on the first night, Artoo had flatly refused to allow Mopsy near the vacuum, even though I suggested it might give Artoo some extra time to spend in the oil bath-what with the way he's been acting, I'm sure he needed extra oil for those cranky, rusty innards of his-but Artoo used quite shocking language when he told me to, and I quote: "Butt out of it!"

Last night, however, Artoo did not protest when Mopsy started vacuuming. I had been quite pleased. I had thought that perhaps they might finally get along and that peace might reign in the household once again.

How wrong I was.

Artoo neglected to tell Mopsy to postpone vacuuming the second floor until the next morning. So, having finished vacuuming the first floor near midnight, long after the family had retired, Mopsy took the vacuum cleaner upstairs and proceeded to try to vacuum Mistress Leia's suite.

Now, I've never fully understood what humans occasionally do in the middle of the night that necessitates making so much noise, but, suffice it to say, Captain Solo was most displeased to have it interrupted when Mopsy came to vacuum.

Poor Mopsy! To make up for his error, he tried even harder.

Imagine my subsequent dismay and horror when I heard Captain Solo bellowing in the refresher the next morning.

It just so happened that the Solo children were home from their training on Yavin IV that week. The whole Solo family ran in to see what was going on.

Mopsy was scrubbing the 'fresher bowl, which I thought was most industrious and commendable of him, until-

"He's cleaning the 'fresher bowl with my dental cleaner!" Captain Solo followed this outburst with another long string of expletives, which-well, frankly, it amazes me that more of my circuits weren't fried from that.

I expected Artoo to have something to say about the morning's mishaps but he was strangely silent.

Mopsy felt even worse about this. Trying even harder, he quickly went to the front foyer and began to wax the floor.

After breakfast, Captain Solo was still very grumpy about the events of the last day when he entered the front foyer from the left at the same time Artoo entered the foyer from the right.

Oh dear, I'd forgotten to tell Mopsy to put out a warning sign that cleaning was going on.

Captain Solo was reading something on his datapad and muttering under his breath as he entered the front foyer and immediately slipped. He tried to steady himself but only succeeded in falling forward, headfirst into Artoo who keeled over with a loud thunk!

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear! The shouting!

By the time Mistress Leia arrived with the Solo children, Captain Solo had already pulled Artoo upright again and had picked up his smashed datapad.

Captain Solo started shouting at Mistress Leia that he was going to sell the lot of us droids to a junk dealer or a jawa if these mishaps kept occurring.

That's when Artoo snapped.

That's the only explanation I have for his behavior.

Artoo rolled straight up to Mopsy, extended his electrical utility arm and fried the circuits off poor Mopsy.

Mopsy gave one agonized electronic squeal-and then fell over on his side. Oh, the circuitry of it all!

"I always knew Lando hadn't gotten over the fact that I won the Falcon from him," Captain Solo muttered as he stalked out of the room. "First he gets me encased in carbonite, and now he sends this droid to destroy my home..."

Mistress Leia surveyed the carnage with a distracted air, shook her head, and then quickly ran after Captain Solo.

The Solo children took Mopsy away. Young Master Anakin seemed most interested in trying to repair Mopsy's fried circuits.

I stood rooted to the spot, in stunned disbelief.

But that miscreant astromech, that mouse-droid murdering criminal Artoo just finished waxing the floor as if nothing happened, and then went out to get the vacuum cleaner.

Original cover by Cosmic. HTML formatting copyright 2003 TheForce.Net LLC.

Fan Fiction Rating

Current Rating is 9.48 in 83 total ratings.

Reader Comments

Add a comment about this Fan Fiction

Author: Lady Padme  (signed)
Date posted: 3/18/2003 9:09:17 AM
Lady Padme's Comments:

I'd like to thank my wonderful beta readers obaona (*hugs and waves, dearest!*) and Tycalibur. Also, a BIG thank you to Cosmic for her almost prescient ability to do cover art just the way I like it--great job, Cosmic!

Author: Cosmic  (signed)
Date posted: 3/18/2003 9:12:59 AM
Cosmic's Comments:

I've been looking forward to reading this story since I was presented with the challenge of making a cover for it -- "something funny," was the instruction as far as I can recall. I had fun trying to find fitting pictures. The story that you've written was more hilarious, though. Especially how... unknowing... C3PO was about certain "night activities" -- lol!

Great job!

Author: Tycalibur  (signed)
Date posted: 3/18/2003 10:43:53 AM
Tycalibur's Comments:

Good one, LP, and congratulations. You know how I feel about this one.

The characters really come to life in this very hilarious fiction. I can hear Harrison Ford's voice screaming about his dental cleaner. I can also hear Anthony Daniel's voice all the way through this one.

A great addition to the Archives, LP!


Author: SudenKäpälä  (signed)
Date posted: 3/18/2003 3:26:34 PM
SudenKäpälä's Comments:

hi-la-ri-ous! :-)
wow, this was well done! indeed - i hate repeating, but i can't help it - i could hear Harrison's voice every step of the way, and 3PO's muttering and exclaiming "oh my!"... but *all* the characters and their interactions were very well orchestrated.
for as far as a short story, and a humouristic one at that, can go - this is genius.
*bows in respect.*

Author: Jeff 42  (signed)
Date posted: 3/18/2003 4:41:29 PM
Jeff 42's Comments:

Hilarious! And you captured Threepio's character perfectly.

Author: Destiny  (signed)
Date posted: 3/18/2003 4:53:01 PM
Destiny's Comments:

My GOD, but this was funny! I was laughing so hard, I almost cried! And telling it from Threepio's fussy point of view just made it funnier. Good job, Lady Padme! *bows* :p

Author: Nade_Naberrie
Date posted: 3/18/2003 6:25:32 PM
Nade_Naberrie's Comments:

LOL! LP, this is the first humor fanfic I've read, and WOW, was it hilarious! Amusing how it's always Han who's fed up with the droids, and you portrayed him *and* Threepio beautifully. Amazing, as usual.

Author: Emmi
Date posted: 3/18/2003 8:13:22 PM
Emmi's Comments:

*falls over in the hilarity of it all* LP, dearest, that was genius!

"Mini-rod." *ROTFLOL!*

That was incredible!


Author: Gabri_Jade  (signed)
Date posted: 3/19/2003 1:09:33 AM
Gabri_Jade's Comments:

Wonderful, LP! You really did capture all the characters beautifully. Very easy to visualize, and hilarious to boot. Lovely addition to the archives.

Author: Quiller  (signed)
Date posted: 3/19/2003 7:49:42 AM
Quiller's Comments:

Humour is difficult to master, but you did a wonderful job. A refreshing addition to the archives.

Author: Mar17swgirl  (signed)
Date posted: 3/19/2003 8:34:00 AM
Mar17swgirl's Comments:

Sweet holy mother of the Force, this was HILARIOUS!!!

Threepio's characterization was PERFECT, and so was Artoo's. Not to mention that I could literally see Han Solo when I read it... ;)

"Mini-rod" - ROTFLMAO!!!

Author: Aunecah_Skywalker  (signed)
Date posted: 3/19/2003 12:00:03 PM
Aunecah_Skywalker's Comments:

Wonderfully written. I loved the way you incorporated the sense of the tragedy and foreboding into the story while still maintaining a light-hearted prose. I never thought I would say it, but I can't believe Artoo could be so cruel and callous. What a bad, bad droid.


Author: Dark Shape
Date posted: 3/19/2003 12:11:25 PM
Dark Shape's Comments:

Bloody fantastic. I startled my computers class when I broke out laughing and couldn't stop when "Mini-Rod" intruded on Han and Leia... 'making noise' :)

Excellent work!

Author: Sol-Wyn-Sete
Date posted: 3/19/2003 12:36:11 PM
Sol-Wyn-Sete's Comments:

I thought it was great side tale. The whole mouse idea was funny. and you captured golden rod to a tee.

Author: Mcily Nochi  (signed)
Date posted: 3/19/2003 5:52:05 PM
Mcily Nochi's Comments:

Very interesting piece. Han was right in character, as was Threepio. Nice job!

Author: obaona  (signed)
Date posted: 3/19/2003 8:51:21 PM
obaona's Comments:

Loved it. ;) But hey, you knew that already.

I love the premise of this - its very different from most SW stories, simply taking a normal time (no evil bad guys taking over the universe, kidnappers, or creatures Jedi can't feel in the Force this time!) and writing about it. It was also lovely to see Artoo and Threepio take the lead roles in a story - we see in the movies that they are nearly (or more?) as intregal to the storyline of SW as the living and breathing characters.

But definitely what I liked best about this was Threepio. Not only do you wonderfully get across Threepio's actions, you put down his thoughts perfectly. Every little thing - from using a weird word to going off on a weird tangent about where the droid came from - was perfectly in character.

Good job! :D

Author: jedielf
Date posted: 3/19/2003 11:18:39 PM
jedielf's Comments:

Let me tell you that I will never EVER think of the term "make noise" in the same way EVER AGAIN!!! :D :D :D :D :D

Author: Jane Jinn  (signed)
Date posted: 3/20/2003 11:24:56 AM
Jane Jinn's Comments:

I gave this story a big ten! I wasn't sure how you could improve from the original version, but somehow you managed!

Author: crystalrain
Date posted: 3/21/2003 7:45:42 AM
crystalrain's Comments:

You got this archived! Congrats!

I think I've already told you how much I love this, but let me say again: It was hilarious! I love it!

Author: Milky
Date posted: 3/24/2003 5:33:42 AM
Milky's Comments:

The line at the end about Master Anaking being interested in trying to repair Mopsy....this makes me think of the start of the 'Ambush At Correlia' from the Correlian Trilogy..wonder if they used some of Mopsy's parts in their droid ;)

Author: Nemesis  (signed)
Date posted: 3/26/2003 11:17:44 AM
Nemesis's Comments:

Tee hee . . . Very funny, and I could just imagine Han yelling insults at Mopsy in Force-knows how many languages! Both him and C3PO perfectly in character. HILARIOUS!!

Author: jainafel  (signed)
Date posted: 3/27/2003 1:26:49 PM
jainafel's Comments:

This fic is hilarious!!!!! I was laughing the whole time!! Good work!

Author: Elinon Bybeth
Date posted: 3/27/2003 10:56:23 PM
Elinon Bybeth's Comments:

Brilliant, Milady!!
Han was right in character and I loved his comment about Lando's revenge at the end!!
Threepio was also spot on!
Well done!!

Author: Nameloc Rillem
Date posted: 3/28/2003 12:35:05 PM
Nameloc Rillem's Comments:

This was a fun story to read. Once again a wonderfully wriiten fanfic(and funny too). Great job as always!

Author: Nameloc Rillem
Date posted: 3/28/2003 12:35:19 PM
Nameloc Rillem's Comments:

This was a fun story to read. Once again a wonderfully wriiten fanfic(and funny too). Great job as always!

Author: JediPug1  (signed)
Date posted: 3/28/2003 9:37:58 PM
JediPug1's Comments:

LOL!!! Most excellent!!! You captured Threepio perfectly as well as the other characters. I really enjoyed this story!

Author: TahiriFireFighter239
Date posted: 3/30/2003 5:19:41 AM
TahiriFireFighter239's Comments:

LOL! This is so funny! Great Job!

Author: TahiriFireFighter239
Date posted: 3/30/2003 5:19:45 AM
TahiriFireFighter239's Comments:

LOL! This is so funny! Great Job!

Author: Darth Breezy  (signed)
Date posted: 4/1/2003 9:47:18 AM
Darth Breezy's Comments:

It's a rich little tale with Threepios' voice so wonderfully captured... Bravo!!

Author: Tanara
Date posted: 4/1/2003 9:35:57 PM
Tanara's Comments:

HA HA HA!!!!
I can just hear Harrison Ford shouting, "WHO THE H*** IS MOPSY?!" Tee hee!!!
Perfect pick-me-up after reading, "Good-bye, my love". WRITE MORE STORIES!

Author: Count Boobu
Date posted: 4/1/2003 10:11:32 PM
Count Boobu's Comments:

Pretty funny. I can imagine this happening.

Author: Keila
Date posted: 4/8/2003 2:24:00 PM
Keila's Comments:

Omigod, that was hilarious! Athough I can't help feeling sorry for poor Mopsy - he tried so hard...

Author: Ivy
Date posted: 4/8/2003 8:03:37 PM
Ivy's Comments:

This has to be the funniest SW piece I've ever read. Good job!

Author: MonMartha
Date posted: 4/11/2003 12:11:01 PM
MonMartha's Comments:

*wipes tears from eyes* *cough* *cough*

My other favorite fella (the Correllian) is well drawn here. Believe me, some attempts make him so 2-D. I knew I could expect something good from the author of "Memories of Rain." ;)

This is beyond "Good." In a different genre, yet! This is great. thank you so much :)

Author: sidious618
Date posted: 5/22/2003 6:36:14 PM
sidious618's Comments:

Very, very funny!

Author: Thanatos
Date posted: 6/21/2003 3:44:26 AM
Thanatos's Comments:

The above comments say everything I could say from a positive angle. I absolutely laughed out loud at many points in this story. The end was fairly disappointing though. I have a hard time believing that Artoo would just fry the little guy....sabotage his activities, yes, kill him, no.

Author: Jedi Knight Quia Lor  (signed)
Date posted: 4/15/2004 5:30:01 PM
Jedi Knight Quia Lor's Comments:

*attempts to control herself enough to speak*

Yet again you make me laugh Lady Padme! this sounds so much like Threepio that I found myself wondering if you aren't actually C-3P0!! Just kidding, of course. I doubt Threepio can write as well as you. :D

Keep writing!
Thank the Maker!!! :)

Author: Tasia Solo of Dathomir  (signed)
Date posted: 10/8/2004 7:24:15 PM
Tasia Solo of Dathomir's Comments:

Fantastic. This has to be my favorite story on the site. Your fanfic was extremely well-written and definitely worthy of the genre of humor. The Star Wars characters were captured perfectly. Very humorous.
May the Force be with you,
Tasia Solo of Dathomir

Author: han solo fan
Date posted: 5/19/2005 6:02:02 AM
han solo fan's Comments:

i looooovvveee this! it captured Han and C-3PO's character perfectly!

Author: and-now-the-world
Date posted: 5/27/2005 2:28:59 PM
and-now-the-world's Comments:

i stumbled across this while surfing about and i have to say...absolutely brilliant! everyone was very in character and everything , and it was generally rather hilarious. however.. i do have one very small bone to pick... correct me if i'm wrong (i probably am, and am probably overlooking some huge obvious fact and consequently making myself look like a moron... but... if Han and Leia are happily together at this point, wouldn't that mean tat 'young master anakin' (who might be interesting in fixing mopsy) would now have become Vader? and dead?
anyway, good job! :D

Author: RoguesRevenge  (signed)
Date posted: 8/16/2006 11:48:48 AM
RoguesRevenge's Comments:

*Falls off chair laughing and breaks neck*
Lol, it was the 'Mini-rod' that got me. not to mention the 'making noise'... ;)
Good job

Author: jedigirl
Date posted: 10/30/2007 11:35:16 PM
jedigirl's Comments:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! very funny to say the least. I LOVED IT! C-3PO has NO CLUE about ANYTHING does he??!!! I can totally see R2 doing that to "Mopsy". :) HOW ON EARTH DID HE THINK OF THAT NAME??!! Loved the title. :) I can; just see Han grumbling about "Lando's Revenge". :)

Author: Jedi luv Sith  (signed)
Date posted: 2/13/2010 12:38:58 PM
Jedi luv Sith's Comments:

I'm very new to this site (like today new). And I'm not totally aware of the SWU timeline. But isn't Han Solo a General by the time he has kids?

Maybe he was demoted I dunno.

Either way. Great story! Well told. Pitch perfect C-3PO

Author: h
Date posted: 3/28/2010 8:44:11 PM
h's Comments:

Cute story, well-written. :)

I think you could have had Leia do or say something at the very end besides shake her head and run off after Han. It seemed a bit out of character.

It also would have been cool to see the kids interact in the situation some.

Overall though I really liked it. I really liked that you chose a first-person POV, not many people do that.

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Archived: Tuesday, March 18, 2003

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